Flatmate problems

OK, I'll be honest from the start, and say that I probably annoy them as much as they annoy me - but we've only been back for a week and it's already depressing me. We were all thrown together at the start of the year (I didn't know any of them before the start of this year), so I don't know if that's part of it.

Out of my 5 flatmates, I only truly get on with flatmate 1. All of the other 4 have something about them that bothers me. Flatmates 2 and 3 are really nice and we can get on well, sit down and have a laugh etc, but my problem with them is that they are just really loud, particularly quite early in the morning at (say) 7am. They just have really loud voices and the walls are paper-thin; they just don't seem to acknowledge that there are other people around them. One of them also plays her music really loudly (to the extent that last term someone from the flat above pushed a bit of paper under our door asking her to turn it down), although she's got better recently. However, compared to flatmates 4 and 5, I can cope with this.

Flatmates 4 and 5 are just really cliquey with one another. I can understand being close to certain people, but when it makes other people feel excluded, I think that's just a bit rude. Flatmate 4 and I got on at the start of the year but now I have a feeling she looks down on me (she's a gym bunny who apparently never eats anything unhealthy or watches TV, whereas I am...not, lol). Apart from that, though, and her cliqueiness with flatmate 5, we get on pretty well, can hold a civilised conversation etc. I try my best to be friendly because after all, I do have to live with them.

It's flatmate 5, above all of them, though, who gets to me the most. At the start of the year we were OK - never bosom buddies, but OK. But then he started playing his music/TV/films really loudly at really late hours, like midnight onwards. At first I would just get up and ask him to turn them down because I was trying to sleep, and to be fair, he did comply at the time. However, he just kept on doing it, and one night I just went over the edge and wrote a slightly sharp note on the subject and pushed it under his door. And, again to be fair, he has been better about this recently. However, he still insists on leaving on the corridor lights all night (apparently he's afraid of the dark at 21, which I think is seriously wimpish), which really disturbs me as not only does it shine under my door and wake me, but is also really bad for the environment. Flatmate 1 and I also think it's really bad for the environment, as well as being totally senseless, to do the other thing that he's often guilty of doing, which is to leave the windows open in the kitchen when the heating's on. This (I hope) won't be so much of a problem now with summer coming, but the fact that we're a ground floor flat means it's a security issue all year round, and I'm fairly certain that our fire extinguisher got stolen this way. It's mainly flatmate 5 and one of the first two female flatmates that I mentioned who keep doing this, and it annoys me that they can't see that it's a security risk.

Admittedly I probably didn't deal with this very well. Some of the issues were raised in a flat meeting, and for a short time afterwards people made an effort to close windows etc., but they don't now, and I know that calling another meeting won't make a difference. Now I just seeth inwardly and close the windows in the kitchen every time I come home from work (seeing as nobody's in there at 11pm and all!), but the issue of the lights in the corridor is something I acknowledge that I dealt with badly, although flatmate 5 himself is no saint. After a while I just cracked and would get up every time he left the corridor lights on so as to switch them off, but he would just switch them on again. I should have acknowledged that I was fighting a losing battle, but I didn't, and I left a note on the lightswitch telling him to just turn the damn light off. He left me one back that was equally courteous (not), and relations have been strained ever since. At the start of the year, flatmate 5 and I could happily have a conversation with one another. This was then reduced to just a hello, and then just a grunt (on his part). I still say hello to him when I see him, but I don't even get a grunt now - and in most civilised societies I think this would be considered quite rude. This is exacerbated, in my mind, by his closeness to flatmate 4 (they are close to the extent that flatmate 1 thinks that 4 and 5 would be together if 4 didn't have a boyfriend).

As I said, I acknowledge that I probably didn't get it right. Now I just put a towel at the bottom of my door to block the light, but I still worry about the environmental impact, and feel that he should do his part (just because all of our bills are included, it doesn't mean that people should lose their social conscience).

This all sounds petty when written down, but when rolled together it really gets to me, simply because it all makes my living experience here utterly unpleasant. I can also accept that part of my feelings of misery may be the fact that my boyfriend and I currently live in different countries, so I can't just escape to his whenever I feel low. We've never really talked about it, despite the fact that I think everyone can feel factions developing, and to be honest I almost don't want to because I have a feeling nobody except flatmate 1 will be on my side.

Sorry it's so long, but if you have any advice to offer, let me know. If you got to the end of this you deserve a medal!

move out.

Can't, as it'd then be my responsibility to find someone to fill the room (it's university accommodation), and at this late stage in the year it'd be bordering on impossible.

Reply 3

emsy88

cant you get flatmate 1 to have a word with flatmate 5 and tell him how you feel? (my apologies if I have the numbers confused!) I know it isn't much comfort but at the end of the day at least you only have a couple of months left until the end of uni. Maybe another meeting would show them you are being serious or at least temporarily improve things.

Sorry I can't really help :frown:

Reply 4

Miss. B

I feel for you! Are you staying for summer?

The way Im looking at it is that we are nearly at the end of the term so you only have to put up with this for a few more weeks!

If it makes you feel better the other day me and my boyf had a playfight and and I was playfully screaming it was so funny anyway my flatmate who locks herself in her room actually called the police thinking I was getting beat up! I can understand her being worried (and it was a nice thing I suppose) as it may have sounded loud but still to call the police is a bit much as my other friend couldn't even hear! it was a complete waste of police time

but anyway Im trying to say that everybody is different and comes from different backgrounds so the only thing to do is accept that these people are not your type of people and I say just you and the other girl carry on doing what your doing!

Can I have my medal now?? :biggrin:

Reply 5

Angelil

There you go :p:

Flatmate 1 won't have a word with flatmate 5, seeing as flatmate 1 is very like me in that we both dislike confrontation :frown:

I'm trying to comfort myself in the thought that there's only 9 weeks left, but it's just a bit hard at times (happily I'm not staying over the summer).

I think maybe the other reason it depresses me a little is that I've had some sort of trouble with flatmates/housemates every year (last year one of the girls practically moved her boyfriend in without consulting us - he didn't pay us anything towards the bills and they both just generally messed up the house, which annoyed everyone, not just me. The year before, we just had the problem that everyone I was living with liked clubbing except me, and I was the only vegetarian - both topics of which caused friction.). It just makes me think, does trouble follow me around? Am I really so bad to live with or is it just bad luck that I've had trouble every year, or both?

Reply 6

TheShrimp

Hmmm...these situations are always tricky - I guess you just have to accept that your flatmates are not going to change their behaviour, no matter how many meetings you have (I guess you've already realised this...)

The only suggestion I can think is with the corridor lights - can you lay a towel on the base of the door to block the light coming into your room? It still sucks about the environment though...

Or maybe buy one of those night-lights as a 'gift' for your flatmate? You can plug it into a socket in the wall of the corridor & then your flatmate won't have to have the huge light on. Plus you can get one that is movement-sensitive, so it will only turn on when someone is there - bonus for the environment?!

Good luck!

Reply 7

coloursonthetv

Angelil

However, he still insists on leaving on the corridor lights all night (apparently he's afraid of the dark at 21, which I think is seriously wimpish), which really disturbs me as not only does it shine under my door and wake me, but is also really bad for the environment. Flatmate 1 and I also think it's really bad for the environment

Even if he is afraid he definitely shouldn't be leaving the hallway light on. Get him a night light! My housemates always forget lights and it drives me nuts, especially since one is always campaigning and believes in keeping the environment healthy :rolleyes:

If it's University halls, will you be moving back home shortly for summer? That would give you a break. I'd just ignore them all until then rather than cause drama as you've tried and they're not listening.

I hope you're living with different people next year! I know I'll be much happier come September when I'm with my friends in a house instead :smile:

Reply 8

Angelil

I'm moving universities next year for my MA, so yeah...not much more of this.

And I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks this guy needs a nightlight and some therapy :biggrin:

I tried talking to one friend about it and all she had to say was 'well if he's afraid then you can't really argue'. B******s to that, I blimmin well can...he's 21, not 2.

Reply 9

bluenoxid

The light is bothering you, gosh, I understand your concerns, but they are very little. Believe me, an odd few lights is nothing compared to loud music. The window situation is more concerning but on the whole nothing to worry about. Look you have 6 weeks with these guys left, let them do their damage to the environment. They wont do it for long when the leccy and gas bills start coming in.

Reply 10

coloursonthetv

Noxid

The light is bothering you, gosh, I understand your concerns, but they are very little. Believe me, an odd few lights is nothing compared to loud music.

The light being left on is bad for the environment and it's stopping the OP being able to sleep easily then it can be just as frustrating as loud music when you want to sleep.

Reply 11

Angelil

Noxid

If you read the rest of my post, you'll see that at least 2 of my flatmates were also being extremely inconsiderate with loud music at one time, so I do know what it's like, thanks.

Reply 12

bewithoutyou

Noxid

If you're a light sleeper, lights left on can actually be incredibly annoying too. I sympathise with you OP - I count myself lucky as I live in a house of six and on the whole we all get on really well, but there is one housemate in particular who does a lot of the things you've described, and as it's drawing to the end of the year my tolerance is wearing thinner and thinner. Her room is next to mine, and when she comes in late she switches on the landing light (right outside my door) and just forgets to turn it off again. It's really bright in my room and will wake me up without fail, so I always end up getting out of bed and turning it off, which isn't a huge problem but just gets a bit old after happening a couple of times a week for a whole year! (She'll happily leave the lights on all night without caring and unfortunately we do pay our electricity bills). She is also very, very, very loud and just seems to lack the courtesy of other people - I get woken up between 7am and 8am because she's bounding around outside my door and singing whilst she's getting ready! Or failing that she'll come in late with friends and proceed to have a conversation at the top of her (very loud) voice right outside my room - how hard is it to go in her own room and keep her voice down? And my housemates are also terrible with closing windows. We're 21 years old, how hard is it?! A few of them leave the bathroom window wide open (facing the street) after having a shower in the mornings and then go off to lectures, and I'll come in at lunchtime and find the window open and no one in the house - it's just dangerous! Another went home for the whole Easter holiday and left his (also street-facing) bedroom window unlocked - and all this after another student house a few doors down got burgled very recently.

Hmm, I think the point of this rant is that even in a house where all of us get on, very similar issues arise and by the end of the year they do seem like too much to bear - but the summer is very close now, and I just keep reminding myself that I won't be living with these people much longer. I also think that these things probably become more irritating in your final year because you get a bit sick of student living and the novelty has long since worn off! Take heart from knowing there's others in your position, and maybe try to escape to friends' houses as much as possible for the rest of this term :rolleyes:

Good luck!