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He said he's not ready for a relationship = automatically mean he doesn't like me?

He asked me out on a date. He said that he likes me and finds me attractive but is not ready for a relationship right now. He doesn't have much experience with girls. We have kissed and he fingered me and sucked my breasts one time I stayed over his. I researched 'he says he's not ready for a relationship' and the majority of things that came up said that he's just not that into you, but when I quizzed him on it he said that if he didn't find me attractive he wouldn't have asked me out on a date or continued the conversations that we had. So do you think he genuinely is just not ready for a relationship?

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three options

he genuinely doesn't want a relationship

he's too much of a coward to say he does

he's too much of a coward to say he doesn't
Original post by Anonymous
He asked me out on a date. He said that he likes me and finds me attractive but is not ready for a relationship right now. He doesn't have much experience with girls. We have kissed and he fingered me and sucked my breasts one time I stayed over his. I researched 'he says he's not ready for a relationship' and the majority of things that came up said that he's just not that into you, but when I quizzed him on it he said that if he didn't find me attractive he wouldn't have asked me out on a date or continued the conversations that we had. So do you think he genuinely is just not ready for a relationship?


I've been through this myself but there is no point in torturing yourself over it because the truth is you will never really know the answer. The way I saw it in the end is that either way, whether he doesn't want a relationship full stop, or he doesn't want one with you the answer is still a no. And the end of the day they ultimately have the same outcome = no relationship.

You just need to stop wondering and move onto to someone with whom you won't have to play guessing games or speculate with. There will be guys out there who will actually want a relationship and will make it clear, but you will never meet them if you chase after this guy.
Reply 3
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
It's just confusing really
He likes you, but basically it sounds like he wants a fling/fwb
I've said that as an excuse once.
Reply 6
Avatar for Kflo
Kflo
6
If he says he's not ready for relationship I mean idk you or him but sounds like he just wants the fun parts without having to "deal" with relationship. So just sex. If he likes you and wants to be with you he will do **** to be with you. No matter how complicated or tough it is. He will man up and do whatever if he wants to be with you. I mean he does like you hence he keeps you around. But rn seems like for fun and not to seriously care for you. So if he's not and rather just wants to **** around then it's up to you what you want. If you want him to be your boyfriend be straight ask what you want from him. Demand what you're worth. If he can't do that then just don't waste your time. Time wasters are useless. I hope he won't turn out as one Goodluck.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
He asked me out on a date. He said that he likes me and finds me attractive but is not ready for a relationship right now. He doesn't have much experience with girls. We have kissed and he fingered me and sucked my breasts one time I stayed over his. I researched 'he says he's not ready for a relationship' and the majority of things that came up said that he's just not that into you, but when I quizzed him on it he said that if he didn't find me attractive he wouldn't have asked me out on a date or continued the conversations that we had. So do you think he genuinely is just not ready for a relationship?


Could be he's just not ready for a relationship, which might mean that he's not into you... But doesn't mean that'll always necessarily be the case.

I know this sounds silly as I'm on the TSR relationship forum, but try not to pay too much attention to online stuff about dating and men, because it's generally very sexist and full of assumptions that may not be relevant to your situation. Everyone says that all men want is sex bla bla bla, all women want is a committed relationship and love, and I've personally found that perspective quite destructive, because as a woman it means that I feel like there's something wrong with me if I just want sex? And like it's weird and suspicious if a guy seems interested *romantically*? I understand that the stereotypes exist for a reason, but it's impossible to assume that all straight women and men want the same thing, that their behaviors all mean the same thing, etc.

Honestly, I'd advise you to ask yourself whether you really *want* a relationship, or whether you just think that you should want one? Whether you feel like you need him to want to be in a relationship with you because it'd be validating and demonstrate that he doesn't just want sex?
Yeah, most likely he just doesn't like you enough.
Original post by Anonymous
He asked me out on a date. He said that he likes me and finds me attractive but is not ready for a relationship right now. He doesn't have much experience with girls. We have kissed and he fingered me and sucked my breasts one time I stayed over his. I researched 'he says he's not ready for a relationship' and the majority of things that came up said that he's just not that into you, but when I quizzed him on it he said that if he didn't find me attractive he wouldn't have asked me out on a date or continued the conversations that we had. So do you think he genuinely is just not ready for a relationship?


Correct...if he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't have asked you out on a date.

But that's not what you asked. You asked about a relationship. Anyone can go out on dates. It takes emotion and commitment to be in a relationship.

He should want to be in a relationship with you, if for no other reason then because he doesn't want to see you with anyone else.

He's the kinda guy who isn't ready for a relationship, finds someone he wants to commit to, then overnight, suddenly bam, he's in a relationship with someone else.
Original post by Anonymous
It's just confusing really


Sorry but there is nothing confusing about it. You are making it complicated. He does not want to be in a relationship with you and that's the end of the story.

Stop torturing yourself...
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry but there is nothing confusing about it. You are making it complicated. He does not want to be in a relationship with you and that's the end of the story.

Stop torturing yourself...


This.

I chuckle when I see these threads "he said x, what does it mean??" and the obvious answer is "he said x, he means x".
Original post by Foo.mp3
Let's be honest now, if you were that wowzers to him then he'd go for a relationship whether he felt ready or not. Sozballs :frown:


Ouch
Original post by Foo.mp3
Let's be honest now, if you were that wowzers to him then he'd go for a relationship whether he felt ready or not. Sozballs :frown:


Are you talking about personality or looks?

I had only met him 3 times before I asked him if he wanted to go out. He said girls have asked him before and he always says no.
Original post by Das Ich Man
three options

he genuinely doesn't want a relationship

he's too much of a coward to say he does

he's too much of a coward to say he doesn't


OR he knows how to get sex fairly guilt free...
In my experience (being ****ed around by 2 guys) not being ready for a relationship = I want to casually see you/sleep with you.
Being in some relationships can hold you down, you gotta be committed put in time and effort and invest in the future of the relationship. You won't be able to make some important decisions on your own anymore, and you have to let go of other things/people in your life for the sake of the relationship. As soon as you enter a relationship, life will not be the same as if you were single. A relationship can affect life & education & career prospects & even family so if someone's not ready for a relationship, you've gotta respect that. There could be many things going on in this kids life which you haven't a clue about, he might even still be in love with his ex? If he says he likes you he probably does, for him your probably just the right girl at the wrong time 🤔
Reply 17
Avatar for maria.x
maria.x
3
It seems like he's just physically attracted to you, probably just wants to play around. I suggest you keep your dignity.
Original post by Foo.mp3
Let's be honest now, if you were that wowzers to him then he'd go for a relationship whether he felt ready or not. Sozballs :frown:


Original post by Anonymous
Ouch


I disagree with foo.. It doesn't matter how 'wowzers' you are if a guy doesn't want or isn't ready for a relationship then that is that. And even if he did agree to a relationship then he would probably mess it up. A relationship starts with the relationship you have with yourself and no one can come along and sort that out for you, you have to start with yourself. You can never tame someone or save someone just by being 'wowzers', they have to do that work for themselves.
First of all you've been on one date, I definitely think it is too soon talking about a relationship!

Secondly, I got out of a 3 year relationships not that long ago and started seeing someone 4 months ago. For 3 months I told him that I didn't want any more commitment than just dating because it was too soon. I wasn't seeing anyone else at the time, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship.

Then one month ago I decided I did actually want to be with him and asked him to be my boyfriend. We're very happy now.

But the difference is, we were dating for 3 months exclusively, not 1 date.

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