Ok... It might sound a little pathetic, but I am a 25 year old graduate, still living at home. Health issues (seizures) have made it difficult for me to get around when living in a rural area, though I do have a part-time job just down the road which I cycle to, allowing me to save up money. Obviously I am looking around for full time work. Mostly local of course, but if a relatively well-paid, music-related job (my major) crops up in London, then I would naturally at least try to apply.
I have previously applied to a job in London, and had been invited to interview. The job itself was a grad. level job, 18-20k, so just about liveable. When I told my parents about the job, the literally freaked out. They said things like "There's no way you'd be able to handle living in London!", "There's no way you could afford that!", or "You'd be beaten up and robbed", and other really petty things like that. In the end, the continuous nagging (though my grandmother being ill at the time and also recently passing away) made me think twice, and I decided to turn down the interview. In hindsight, I feel really stupid for not attending the interview, because it would have at least been good practice.
My worry is thus: I have just applied to another Music-related job in London, which pays even better than the last one. If I am invited to interview, I am dreading to think of their reaction. Naturally, I can't just sneak away by not telling them (nearest Train station is 7 miles away), but if I do tell them, I will be patronised with things like "DO YOU NEVER LISTEN!!??" "WHY HAVE YOU NEVER TAKEN ANY OF OUR ADVICE!!??"
It feels as if they're putting pressure on me not to apply for work afield from home. But at the same time, are sometimes trying to make me feel guilty that I am still living at home, especially my mother. It's like I can't bloody win! I have previously posted a thread about how irritating my mother can be, see that for details lol.
And yes, I know that I am an adult, and they have no right to tell me what and what not to do, and that I shouldn't have to rely on them. But given I am mostly dependant on them to travel long distances and that there are almost no buses in the village I live in, at times I feel almost held to ransom. I feel pretty trapped.
No trolling or patronising please
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My parents don't like me applying for jobs in London... watch
- Thread Starter
- 17-01-2016 00:39
- 17-01-2016 00:42
Sorry, just noticed I posted anonymously- you can follow the link from the thread about my mother from this post!
- 17-01-2016 00:48
I know they say this bu you are old enough to make your living choices otherwise youl'll just have a part time job that wont get you very far in life, you need to go out and move if you want a decent job, if the pays worth it, ill say go for it
- 17-01-2016 01:10
Although I'm a mature student I'm a mum of a 23 yr old graduate who lives at home and has a full time job but still relies on me for everything! He also has aspergers.
A few bits of advice if I may
However old you are you are still mums baby
If you have relied a lot on her especially with health issues its even harder to let go
My son is scared witless of public transport so when he applied for other jobs miles away my panic levels rise spectacularly, especially that his solution is that I travel there and back with him every day. So not possible. I therefore do discourage him and then feel awful that I'm holding him back
I'm sure your parents feel as I do. The old cliche but until you're a parent......
May I suggest something.
Without making fuss or comment gradually make yourself as independent as possible. It's hard but don't rely on them. Their worries over living expenses are reasonable. We pick up the pieces when you can't cope! If this is really your dream job then sit down and write a budget. Look at and get examples of living costs rent travel etc with printouts that can't be argued with. Go for your interview entirely under your own steam. Don't even tell them if you don't want to. If you are lucky enough to get the job you will have all the facts you need to prove to yourself that it's possible and can calmly tell your parents that it works. If it doesn't be honest with yourself and find a solution
Ultimately all we want are happy successful children. Be grateful that they care so much and see how hard it is for us to say goodbye
If you approach this rationally and sensibly with all the facts and figures then they may not worry so much. That's all it boils down to
I wish you every success in the future
- Political Ambassador
- 17-01-2016 15:14
Mum wants to go back to Russia and study for a degree there. I want to move back, but another Russian degree in Russia is like "oh great, you're another average bear."
Do what you feel is right, and at some point, you're going to have to break away from your parents. C'est la vie \._./
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