The Student Room Group

Bullying at work

I started a new job today and the way i come over is shy and vulnerable.

I asked a man around 40 years old if he knew how to fix the photocopier, he says "i havent got a clue" Then later some other guy says "do you know who took the papers" i say erm maybe him i dont know *hesitantly. Now that earlier man laughs in a sniggering way at me. Why would someone want to make me feel small for not knowing something?

Now picture this scene, if i was bold and brave and showed all confidence. this guy would come over nice wouldnt he? Now my bigger question is that in this 2nd situation how can i spot the bullies, it really frustrates me because i really dont want to be confident if it means that i can't spot the fakes or the bullies and it is upsetting me a little bit.

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Reply 1
Philbill
I started a new job today and the way i come over is shy and vulnerable.

I asked a man around 40 years old if he knew how to fix the photocopier, he says "i havent got a clue" Then later some other guy says "do you know who took the papers" i say erm maybe him i dont know *hesitantly. Now that earlier man laughs in a sniggering way at me. Why would someone want to make me feel small for not knowing something?

Now picture this scene, if i was bold and brave and showed all confidence. this guy would come over nice wouldnt he? Now my bigger question is that in this 2nd situation how can i spot the bullies, it really frustrates me because i really dont want to be confident if it means that i can't spot the fakes or the bullies and it is upsetting me a little bit.

To compensate for his own insecurities would be my guess.
Reply 2
I mean i can handle the people who are just not talkative because they probably feel that no-one likes them either but this one laughed in a way that i could hear him. Or is it that people laugh out loud by accident and that im just someone who doesnt lough out. I just want to know how i spot these bullie once i become a confident person, because the worst thing would be for me to become a friend of one of these without me knowing their intentions.
I think that the majority of people who bully/tease others is because they are insecure themselves and so take it out on others - even being jealous of those they are bullying... still not excusing it as being ok but try not to take it personally and rise above it :smile: also i think when you first start a job it takes a while to settle in and find who you get on with and what people are really like - hope it settles down and you enjoy your new job (on crap days just think of the money :P)
Reply 4
Yeah, the one thing that annoys me is that the confident ones wont even see this person as a bully because he would never try it on with them. Likewise i wont be able to spot the bully if i become a confident looking person. That's one thing that annoys me alot.
Reply 5
Doesn't sound like any bullying has gone on to me or have I missed something?
How d'you know he was laughing at you for not knowing how to use the photocopier? And how d'you know he was laughing at you?
Reply 7
foxiroxi
Doesn't sound like any bullying has gone on to me or have I missed something?


I must admit I agree with this - perhaps you are being oversensitive?
Reply 8
But he was looking at me when i was trying to figure out whose paper it was and laughed when i looked at him and then he looked away.
Reply 9
It could easily have been a friendly sort of laugh, maybe he was just chuckling at you getting flustered being your first day and all. There's no reason to suspect he was being cruel.
Reply 10
bunthulhu
It could easily have been a friendly sort of laugh, maybe he was just chuckling at you getting flustered being your first day and all. There's no reason to suspect he was being cruel.

MAybe but he never even said hi in the first place or gave a smile and also when he walked past in the canteen, i smiled and he just walked past staring at me.
Reply 11
Philbill
MAybe but he never even said hi in the first place or gave a smile and also when he walked past in the canteen, i smiled and he just walked past staring at me.

He sounds like a complete arsejerk to be honest. Just ignore the bugger - he's an insecure idiot.
Reply 12
yeah but its the fact that : will anyone else notice him for who he is, as i know alot maybe 99% of people are confident, and when i decide to not care and be confident, how do you spot these people then? :redface: I basically dont want to befriend someone who i think is nice due to my new confidence when infact they are just being nice becuse they know not to try it on.
Reply 13
Philbill
yeah but its the fact that : will anyone else notice him for who he is, as i know alot maybe 99% of people are confident, and when i decide to not care and be confident, how do you spot these people then? :redface: I basically dont want to befriend someone who i think is nice due to my new confidence when infact they are just being nice becuse they know not to try it on.

I don't think I quite understand what you're trying to say, but my advice would be to be yourself. Don't try and be over-confident, because it'll be obvious that you're faking it. Be slightly more outgoing than usual perhaps, since it's a new job and you've got to make the effort to know people. But if they treat you like dirt, like that stupid jerk, just leave them, they're not worth getting to know. In any job you're going to have to work with colleagues who you're not mad about - it's not about "befriending", per se. That'll come naturally if you get to know people - but don't worry about finding a friend after your first day!
Reply 14
Just so you know alot of workplaces are no different from school.
Reply 15
Ywiss
I don't think I quite understand what you're trying to say, but my advice would be to be yourself. Don't try and be over-confident, because it'll be obvious that you're faking it. Be slightly more outgoing than usual perhaps, since it's a new job and you've got to make the effort to know people. But if they treat you like dirt, like that stupid jerk, just leave them, they're not worth getting to know. In any job you're going to have to work with colleagues who you're not mad about - it's not about "befriending", per se. That'll come naturally if you get to know people - but don't worry about finding a friend after your first day!

I mean can you spot a bully if you are someone who cant be walked all over. I mean for the future if i was to be a confident person. You see the worst thing for me would to be friends with a bully and not knowing that he is one as he would only do it to the vulnerable.

I am starting to think that alot of people could be bullies but its my confidence outside of work that is stopping them from being horrible to me.

Or can you just tell if someone is going to be like him, whether you are a confident person or not.
Hang on. So you don't want to be bullied so you want to turn yourself into someone who won't be bullied, but you still want people who are bullies to bully you so you know who the bullies are?

I'm confused.
Reply 17
KellsEnder
Hang on. So you don't want to be bullied so you want to turn yourself into someone who won't be bullied, but you still want people who are bullies to bully you so you know who the bullies are?

I'm confused.

No, i just posted another, i want to spot them so i dont befriend one, but will i be able to still spot them once i am this guy that cant be walked over. im sorry i havent got many friends and havent had a job for months so i am really not used to this type of thing.
Reply 18
Philbill
No, i just posted another, i want to spot them so i dont befriend one, but will i be able to still spot them once i am this guy that cant be walked over. im sorry i havent got many friends and havent had a job for months so i am really not used to this type of thing.



you cant tell :redface:
Reply 19
Do you think that maybe people will spot them when the bullies boast for example or maybe they will see them in action like they did with me today. I dunno, i just want to find friends when i am confident but friends that i can trust and who like me for me.