How can I be less insecure?

Hey.

I'm such an insecure and paranoid person and terrified of losing my bf. I want to be more laid back and easy going. I get so stressed out because im scared he's gonna cheat on me or leave me or something.

Please help. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It makes me feel sick when i'm not with him or talking to him.

HELP!!!

Reply 1

username47781

20

Well your boyfriend is with you because he wants you think of it this way.
A relatoionship is based on two people trusting each other, if you don't trust him and he don't trust you, then the relationship will not work.

Reply 2

sparkle86

OP

11

He does trust me, it's just me that finds it hard. I want to be better. I hate how I am. I love him so much. I'm just so scared.

Reply 3

username47781

20

Well maybe start appreciating him, rather than stop thinking he will cheat. I would suggest getting some help if it doesn't improve because otherwise he will get tired of you being jealous. Important is also not to bombard him with texts all the time.

Reply 4

Angrybanana

11

Maybe every time you feel like that you should remind youself that these insecure feelings could ultimately drive him away if you become too jealous or controlling. The best way to keep your bf is make sure you have a separate side to your life which doesn't depend on him eg. a circle of close friends who you see regularly or an activity you do without him which would make you appear less needy to him and therefore very desirable. How long have you been together? Once things get past the initial infatuation stage it's usually easier to cope with not seeing him/speaking to him for periods of time.

Reply 5

sparkle86

OP

11

We've been together just over a year and a half. It hasn't always been like this. It's cos the first year being together, we were practically inseperable, seeing each other every day nearly. Then he needed some space a couple of nights a week and I found out he had been talking to his friend about it. She's a girl who I hate, hence why i'm even more paranoid that he's cheating on me with her. Deep down I don't think he would though, he's such a good guy. I know he loves me. It's just me and my head.

I just wanna cry right now. He's been at his mates place tonight sorting out some lighting and stuff, and im scared cos he's not come on msn yet meaning he's not home yet, so again, im scared. Where is he!

You see how paranoid I get? I'm so stupid.

I'm a mess.

:frown:

Reply 6

sufiankane

2

well all i can see is go out and hit the town, and if guys hit on you turn them down and so on. But then since you had first hand experience of how easily you turn other people down and not get tempted to cheat then you can think form hi s point of view how he does doesnt cheat.

Reply 7

Angrybanana

11

Force yourself to do something else. Start by saying I'm not going to text/check his msn for 15mins and distract yourself for that amount of time. Then gradually build it up. There must be something else in your life you can focus on other than him. I know you don't need me to tell you what you're doing isn't healthy for your relationship.

Reply 8

Profesh

20

Don't act on it.

The longer you suppress your mistrust, without incident; the easier it'll become.

Reply 9

sparkle86

OP

11

Thanks. It's so difficult, I hate being like this. I wish I was a laid back person, but i'm not :frown:

I txt him last night but he didnt reply, then I went to bed and I rang him and he said he was still at his mates house and I could hear his mate in the background. That was at half 9 ish. he said he'd ring me when he got home so I said ok. Then I txt him to say please ring me otherwise i'll worry.

He never did ring me. I woke up at about 1.30 this morning and txt him saying in a jokey way that he was naughty not ringing me and that i'd talk to him in the morning. I feel like crap this morning. I've txt him saying i'm really sorry for txting him loads and its only cos I love him.

I'm gonna wait now until he gets in touch with me. Means I gotta try and not go see him at lunch. Why are relationships so difficult???

My dad is insecure as well, guess thats where I get it from. My mum went out with a friend (male) last night to the theatre and she never goes out. She's completely trustworthy, I know that. But I heard her and my dad arguing this morning cos he didn't like her going out. I guess it's just like me really. I don't wanna end up being that insecure like my dad. I know it will ruin my relationship with my bf or any guy if I don't sort it out now. My mum is sick of it and that's cos of my dads insecurities so I know I gotta stop.

Everyone tells me how much I can trust my bf and that he'd never cheat so I guess they see what I see in my mum, that she'd never do it.

I jsut need to trust him. Thanks for all your replies. It really helps me to talk about it.

Reply 10

Vegemite

Yeah you DO just need to trust him! Try to relax! Freaking out or smothering him all the time is not going to do your relationship any good! give him some space! It will be hard, but you NEED to do this for your own good.

Reply 11

Beccii

"we were practically inseperable, seeing each other every day nearly. Then he needed some space a couple of nights a week and I found out he had been talking to his friend about it. She's a girl who I hate, hence why i'm even more paranoid that he's cheating on me with her. Deep down I don't think he would though, he's such a good guy. I know he loves me. It's just me and my head."

I was exactly the same as this and it near enough ruined my relationship.
You've just gotta let it go and ignore it, find something else to focus your mind on, the more time he spends with this girl the more i trust him. I know it sounds crazy but it's true. it's hard i know that but it can be done.
Good luck x

How can I be less insecure?

Related discussions

Articles for you