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I'm 18 but parents are still too strict?NEED ADVICE Watch

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    (Original post by thecaramelcat)
    i was a bit slow on making a decision. I also have a few health issues,however my doctor has made suggestions on how to manage it. Its mainly my parents not being open to opportunity
    go through clearing
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    By OP I meant this girl. Yes I absolutely disagree with your comment especially with you implying that her partner is only with her for sex. His actions would suggest otherwise. And yes I'm leaning towards advising her to cut off her parents. Supposing she listens to them and everyone is relaxed and normal as you have just said, how long before they disagree with any if her decisions and starts their controlling and abusive ways (threatening is verbal abuse afterall)? She's not allowed to go to uni as she's said, what about job? Is she allowed that? Her life won't be hers until her parents are dead I think.

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    This is what i mean this generation is fked. Also ur advice is even fked. Ur assuming things am stating reals. Telling her to cut her parents off are u high or some **** bmt. The parents that have given birth and raised her. The advice u should give is talk to ur parents and do what they think is right for u and then
    Therefore they wont be as controlling they are now.. kmt
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    (Original post by Helpme.)
    This is what i mean this generation is fked. Also ur advice is even fked. Ur assuming things am stating reals. Telling her to cut her parents off are u high or some **** bmt. The parents that have given birth and raised her. The advice u should give is talk to ur parents and do what they think is right for u and then
    Therefore they wont be as controlling they are now.. kmt
    Right because talking to her parents went perfect the first time. :rolleyes:



    No I'm not high. I am advising from personal experience (OP's situation was identical to mine). That was the best thing for me so yes if in extreme circumstances like abusive parents, I would recommend it. I'm clearly, as you so eloquently put it, not ****ed. I doubt OP would be to should she decide to cut her parents off. I would stress this again: no one has the right to abuse another person regardless of whether they gave birth to them or not.

    Also 'do what they think is right for you' ? That's clearly working great for OP especially with her not being able to get an education and causing her anxiety. :rolleyes:

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Right because talking to her parents went perfect the first time. :rolleyes:



    No I'm not high. I am advising from personal experience (OP's situation was identical to mine). That was the best thing for me so yes if in extreme circumstances like abusive parents, I would recommend it. I'm clearly, as you so eloquently put it, not ****ed. I doubt OP would be to should she decide to cut her parents off. I would stress this again: no one has the right to abuse another person regardless of whether they gave birth to them or not.

    Also 'do what they think is right for you' ? That's clearly working great for OP especially with her not being able to get an education and causing her anxiety. :rolleyes:

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    not if she goes to them like im acc leaving him.. etc they have been going out for a year its not that deep.....
    wasn't really identical, the way her parents think is diff to urs, urs really didnt care as much i think
    I said ur advice is fuked not u , am not rude
    verbal abuse? because their daughter is not listening to them wtf thats normal - unless ur parents didnt really care/or u listened to everything ur parents said
    but what caused all this, what stems to this tree, its her BF...
    if they dont like him, and i dont think her parents will allow marriage so why is she wasting her time, education and mental health...
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    (Original post by Helpme.)
    not if she goes to them like im acc leaving him.. etc they have been going out for a year its not that deep.....
    wasn't really identical, the way her parents think is diff to urs, urs really didnt care as much i think
    I said ur advice is fuked not u , am not rude
    verbal abuse? because their daughter is not listening to them wtf thats normal - unless ur parents didnt really care/or u listened to everything ur parents said
    but what caused all this, what stems to this tree, its her BF...
    if they dont like him, and i dont think her parents will allow marriage so why is she wasting her time, education and mental health...
    Right here's a context for you. My parents did exactly like hers and more. I suffered physically and mentally from them after I said I had no intention of ending it with my then bf. I was then kicked out and made homeless with no access to money to force me into accepting their decision. That was six years ago. I still have a bad relationship with them. I suspect my children would be treated badly too. Care enough for you? That's the reason why I am so engrossed in replying this thread. My situation began like OP's and it may very well end up like mine. I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy. That's why I'm advising her to get out now before it gets worse.

    Threat is verbal abuse. A parent can advise and even discipline a kid without those. And I don't see what's her BF got to do with her not going to uni but somehow her parents put a stop to it too. To me an overprotective parent might get a bit alarmed with a bf but what's ringing alarm bells is the fact her education, a potential good future, is being stopped. That's not normal parental behaviour.

    FYI she doesn't need them to allow her marriage. She's an adult and can most certainly consent. If you still ask mummy for permission with everything in your life; well bully for you, but it's generally not advisable.



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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Right here's a context for you. My parents did exactly like hers and more. I suffered physically and mentally from them after I said I had no intention of ending it with my then bf. I was then kicked out and made homeless with no access to money to force me into accepting their decision. That was six years ago. I still have a bad relationship with them. I suspect my children would be treated badly too. Care enough for you? That's the reason why I am so engrossed in replying this thread. My situation began like OP's and it may very well end up like mine. I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy. That's why I'm advising her to get out now before it gets worse.

    Threat is verbal abuse. A parent can advise and even discipline a kid without those. And I don't see what's her BF got to do with her not going to uni but somehow her parents put a stop to it too. To me an overprotective parent might get a bit alarmed with a bf but what's ringing alarm bells is the fact her education, a potential good future, is being stopped. That's not normal parental behaviour.

    FYI she doesn't need them to allow her marriage. She's an adult and can most certainly consent. If you still ask mummy for permission with everything in your life; well bully for you, but it's generally not advisable.



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    ur story is wayy different to hers she has a choice and ur forgetting her parents are black whilst urs were asian.
    similarly both do have high pride etc.. to save their pride they kicked u out? idk but leave the past to the past. why werent u listening to ur parents its all dum..
    i feel for u tho i cant deny that
    but personally, its been a year she may be attached but not that attached that she can break a 18yr old relationship with her family for some1 she knows for 1 yr - and that is a dum move.
    ok but ur not seeing the point im tryin to make, theyre thinking its wasting time... which maybe true.
    and I wouldn't ofc im 18 myself but ofc theres a diff for me its a boy situation and am 100% sure i wont do anything against my parents if its a level that would affect my parents pride and my teachings.
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    The best thing is to tell them you are not together and that all you care about is your studies now and that's why you split up with him to gain their trust and then they will let you do your studying outside the house:P
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    (Original post by Helpme.)
    ur story is wayy different to hers she has a choice and ur forgetting her parents are black whilst urs were asian.
    similarly both do have high pride etc.. to save their pride they kicked u out? idk but leave the past to the past. why werent u listening to ur parents its all dum..
    i feel for u tho i cant deny that
    but personally, its been a year she may be attached but not that attached that she can break a 18yr old relationship with her family for some1 she knows for 1 yr - and that is a dum move.
    ok but ur not seeing the point im tryin to make, theyre thinking its wasting time... which maybe true.
    and I wouldn't ofc im 18 myself but ofc theres a diff for me its a boy situation and am 100% sure i wont do anything against my parents if its a level that would affect my parents pride and my teachings.
    I don't think she feels she has the choice otherwise why would she ask the advise of random strangers? In any case what choice are you talking about now since I'm quite sure few posts ago you've suggested her only choice is to follow her parent's wishes?

    They kicked me out because I refused to bullied into following them. I wasn't listening to them as you've stupidly put because I didn't think it was fair to be beaten up every time I do something they disagreed with. The bf was just the catalyst. Which was why my alarm bells were ringing for this thread. Funnily enough it started as verbal abuse.

    A year in a relationship is an ok time. My relationship then was less than 1/10 of that time which again was why I suggested it might be a more serious than what you're suggesting.

    Also what's your gender got to do with your decision making?

    In any case this is getting boring. Bottomline I don't agree with your advise and posts. I'll never agree with it. I suspect it's the same for you so this is rather pointless.


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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    I don't think she feels she has the choice otherwise why would she ask the advise of random strangers? In any case what choice are you talking about now since I'm quite sure few posts ago you've suggested her only choice is to follow her parent's wishes?

    They kicked me out because I refused to bullied into following them. I wasn't listening to them as you've stupidly put because I didn't think it was fair to be beaten up every time I do something they disagreed with. The bf was just the catalyst. Which was why my alarm bells were ringing for this thread. Funnily enough it started as verbal abuse.

    A year in a relationship is an ok time. My relationship then was less than 1/10 of that time which again was why I suggested it might be a more serious than what you're suggesting.

    Also what's your gender got to do with your decision making?

    In any case this is getting boring. Bottomline I don't agree with your advise and posts. I'll never agree with it. I suspect it's the same for you so this is rather pointless.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    idk it might just be and how ive been brought up,
    if ive said anything wrong, am sorry
    cba for dis, have a blessed life, live long kl
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    (Original post by Helpme.)
    im not sure but if i was you i would listen to ur parents
    ive seen a lot of ppl go down the road u are goin
    and they suffer from anxiety bcus they dont listen to their parents
    if u listened to them at first then u wudnt be going through anything
    at the end of the day these words dont matter actions do..
    wow
    never thought you would be this mature
    Helpme.
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    (Original post by Ishea16)
    wow
    never thought you would be this mature
    Helpme.
    Lool u underestimated me 😂
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    (Original post by thecaramelcat)
    Hey guysss,
    I turned 18 in december but my parents are still ridiculously strict..if anythings, theyre worse. Recently I thought it was a good idea to come clean to my parents that I have a boyfriend (who is of another race) to seem more "mature". Now recently, my dad has been threatening to hurt me physically due to me having anxiety attacks because of HIM saying all of these deluded things saying how i skip college/lessons to see my boyfriend etc, I'm no longer allowed to hang out with friends in and out of college unless i split up with him, and I'm not allowed to do coursework after college (despite me having exams coming up and they are aware of me being unable to concentrate in the house due to the constant tension and anxiety I have). Literally, they are more concerned with the fact that I'm dating a guy they don't like than the fact my anxiety has worsened and I cant concentrate at home.

    Any advice please? u_u (sorry if this was long)

    its a tough cookie? what race are you and what race is your BF there may be just some general prejudice or worries surrounding his race, that are causing your family(parents) to be like that .
    every parent realizes at one age that they're kids are growing up maybe they're afraid.
    Just try and explain to them you are independent and need that independence from them. they should come around if not , you are an adult and can make decisions yourself.

    The anxiety side i feel that ive had / have it. Try and find a way to relax or take up a hobby possibly to release the stress.

    i hope this helps in any way possible. Feel free to pm me if you'd like
    keep smiling

    smile 43 (:
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    (Original post by smile43)
    its a tough cookie? what race are you and what race is your BF there may be just some general prejudice or worries surrounding his race, that are causing your family(parents) to be like that .
    every parent realizes at one age that they're kids are growing up maybe they're afraid.
    Just try and explain to them you are independent and need that independence from them. they should come around if not , you are an adult and can make decisions yourself.

    The anxiety side i feel that ive had / have it. Try and find a way to relax or take up a hobby possibly to release the stress.

    i hope this helps in any way possible. Feel free to pm me if you'd like
    keep smiling

    smile 43 (:
    My boyfriend is white and I'm black. I've tried, but my parents are very stubborn and overprotective. I am trying different methods to ease it but works every now and then. I may go to uni as it'll benefit me in many ways including my development. Thanks for your help though ^-^
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    (Original post by thecaramelcat)
    sigh, i shall try it - thanks for your help! ^_^ but how do i manage the threats of being physically hurt and stuff? it gets me so panicked it can last for days
    I know that others have already mentioned this and you said you were reluctant to get your dad a criminal record. However, this is domestic abuse and is a crime.

    Irrespective of anyone's views, who is right, what is best in a situation or who just wants the best for any one else. It is neither acceptable or legal to make threats towards another person.

    I understand that it is especially difficult when it is family but there is absolutely no way you should be made to be anxious, panicked or fearful in your home.

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    I used to be in your shoes. Me and my boyfriend lived in Arizona and my mom was super stricken and it gave me anxiety, I was always frustrated and depressed. Finally Me and my boyfriend both got decent jobs and saved up $4,000 in 2 months and we both moved to Oregon. We now have an apartment, great jobs, and i am more happy. I do miss my mom but than I realize why I left and I don't feel as bad. I never told her I was leaving either I just wrote her a note and left. Messaged her the next day telling her I was safe. Nothing she could do after that.
 
 
 
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