I fall in love too easily with guys who show me a bit of kindness or affection

Chill, people end up settling down in their mid-late 30's now so unless you're like 35 you've got nothing to worry about. Just work on consciously pushing those feelings out of your mind every time they come up. Pinch yourself or something

Aw I've been there OP I think the best thing you can do is as has been said focus on building a life for yourself and your future. Therapy may help too.

We both need to fix up then

I always thought that a relationship with someone super clingy/attached would be the answer as well...

But I learned actually it's very toxic! I know this because of my ex best friend who was the closest I've ever been to another human being and it was almost like a relationship. She has borderline personality disorder and so an intense fear abandonment, coupled with my anxious attachment it was a recipe for a beautiful disaster. It was the most intense, overwhelming experience and it nearly broke me.

The best thing I think is to move from what's called 'anxious attachment' style to 'secure attachment' style and then you can find someone else with a secure attachment style. The important thing is not to engage with those who are 'avoidment attachment' style. These are all psychology terms I believe and you can look them up there's lots of interesting articles and videos on this. The attachment style you have is often to do with childhood... Your upbringing and you connection to your parents.

I hope so... I'm 25 and I feel like it's too late for me considering I've not so much as had basic relationship experience... How will I ever marry and start a family? Anyway, maybe I am panicking too much...

I read a study somewhere that found marriages where the women have had less sexual partners tend to be more successful. So I'm sure you'll be fine in the end fam.

Put it this way, there are people on my first year uni course the same age as you. You're aren't too late for anything just yet.

I'm literally the same except my mum and dad are still married/I don't have daddy issues.

I get so annoyed at myself for getting upset or angry over something like this it's insane.

Update:

I'm trying to work on the relationship I have with my dad, although I accept we will probably never be close and that a lot of the damage is done. I just text my dad to ask him how his martial arts stuff that he has recently taken up is going. We don't really initiate contact with each other I usually just say hi to him when I skype my mum. I know it's only a small thing but hopefully it's a step in the right direction. I can't expect him to take an interest in me if I don't mutually take one in him

I'm not sure about that I think maybe there a balance in that too little partners and surely you would just get curious and stray? Let's put it this way, every 'slut' starts of as a virgin.... And perhaps a curious one at that. And too many well yes indeed no one can compete with that but same goes guys. I panic more as a woman that how can my little body compare and satiate a guy for the rest of his life who has seen let's say 10 or more naked women? Not to mention the reams of porn that's is available in a matter of seconds. That probably isn't going to work either. But yes I'm just speculating really I don't have much experience on the matter.

I'm actually a first year uni student myself... Yeah I'm a late bloomer and went to uni late I'm going to be 29 when I graduate (4 year MSci). This is part of my panic. I would love to settle down but I don't know what guy my age is going to want a student. I'm not remotely interested in the student lifestyle/culture I'm just here to better myself and my prospects so you can imagine that I don't fit in at all and I'm quite isolated. It's very hard I'm considering dropping out I feel very down.

Cringe...



Anyway, my advice is to focus on yourself for the time being. Make your priority being the best version of you you can be. That way, you'll respect yourself, your accomplishments and know you're worthy of the respect you receive from others and not merely seek out validation.

I hope that was helpful

In response to what you wrote, I personally think there's nothing wrong in falling for others a little while it's really what us humans are all about and just by really reading what you just wrote it made me know a little part of you there , you're just a person who appreciate/enjoys rawness so much you probably think it's an issue when in fact it's a bless but just as it is a bless it can also turn out to be a curse at some cases, when you love people/things around you with all your heart forgetting the fact that your soul needs your love just as much as you tend to give every human it becomes a curse..

I simply just think the solution to your issue would be just as simple as " Start by admiring yourself instead" you look for love in others and that's wrong coz love is all there within your soul waiting for you to reach out for it..

You should realize that you were born with fire inside you. You should cherish & love your spark.

And please remember...

* You are allowed to take out space for yourself coz you're a human.

* You deserve to love and get loved in return coz you're a soul.

* You are allowed to put your own needs first💕

* You are allowed to love yourself..


God bless you💕
Love yourself first then everything else will follow trust me..I know , because I've been through this all

If it were real life and you gave me a cookie then cupid would have probably shot me, yes. Sorry I don't get it online though

Story of my life... except it's more crushes since it will never happen
So hard to get out of your head though even though you tell yourself it will never happen
I can't even imagine having normal platonic relationships with guys :/

guess it's cos all the guys in my life were never good to me or any females around me so when I see a guy who genuinely cares about how a girl feels... like asks me how I am or if I need anything or freaking holds the door open for me my brain just malfunctions

Not really I think I have issues with my sexuality in that I find it hard to see myself as a sexual being so I suppress a lot of my sexual desire. It's more a romantic desire and attachment I have.

How about you?

I know I need to fix up that's why I posted the thread I don't want this I suppose I need to work on me but it's hard I don't really like myself I'm a failure.
.

Yes there are many other areas of my life it manifests too. Dating and relationships and the way that I interact with men is the obvious. But I'm generally very reserved and what some may describe as child-like, as part of me wants to stay small and innocent so my parents (especially dad) will still be affectionate towards me. I know that sounds messed up I also look very young on top and I don't feel like a fully grown woman. The thought of being a woman, and further to that being sexual can be quite daunting to me.

I'm actually seeing a counsellor at the moment, female so there's no danger of me falling in love with this one I'm just doing 1/2 hour telephone consultations with her at the moment whilst I am away so I don't get the time to really go into things with her lately.



I'm abstinent...

I think that is what I really need drum into my head. For some reason it's a tough pill to swallow.And the whole value thing... Yes whilst I want the men to like me back I also find it very scary the thought of someone actually been attracted to me, and what it might mean. It's confusing because whilst I do have sexual desires and stuff I don't see myself as a sexual being. I can't imagine anyone ever liking me in that way.There was a long time where I would do anything for my friends as well but it only led to me becoming their favourite doormat. I've since wised up in that area and now I need to wise up in the relationship realm but I have very little experience with it.I suppose with girls some of them may just lure you in for the attention? I have to say that's pretty pathetic of them, but I would hope that such women becoming easier for you to spot initially with time?

It's all pretty deep rooted and I've been working on it for sometime now but can't seem to push past it all very well so that's why I'm asking for a bit of advice.I'm very lonely since I moved away from my family to London to the point where I just didn't want to be alive anymore. I'm a little better now but people seem so cold and disinterested here that an act of kindness is literally like a light shining from the heavens.

I've actually only been on a handful of dates in my life and I'm in my mid 20s. The thought of dating terrifies me. This is part of my problem though I have very little exposure to men as I hide away. For example I didn't even have a conversation with a man outside of my family or school/work context until I was 19. How would you recommend I even get started? I'm sorry I'm clueless I've never met an emotional man, let alone a clingy one. Then again my interactions with males is quite limited I do tend to stay away from them for some reason. That's why when one that I do have to interact with one e.g. my counsellor, a friend of a friend etc and they are nice to me I go potty.

Is anyone else like this? If not, then do you have advice for me to stop being such a wuss?

I do think there is something psychological in this, I get attached very easily I think because I did not receive affection, approval or kindness from my father. When a man in my life shows me even a hint of these things I fall head over heels in love I can't stop thinking about them even when they reject me as it's always in a friendly or situation appropriate manner (e.g. my old boss, my old male counsellor, male friends etc.). Although the guys would never know it's not like I blow up their phones or harass them but on the quiet I'm absolutely heartbroken and obsessed.

I'm in my 20s now and I'm fed up of this. I've never been close to man in all my life. How can I stop acting like a fool so I can actually find a decent and healthy relationship?

Thanks

Is anyone else like this? If not, then do you have advice for me to stop being such a wuss?

I do think there is something psychological in this, I get attached very easily I think because I did not receive affection, approval or kindness from my father. When a man in my life shows me even a hint of these things I fall head over heels in love I can't stop thinking about them even when they reject me as it's always in a friendly or situation appropriate manner (e.g. my old boss, my old male counsellor, male friends etc.). Although the guys would never know it's not like I blow up their phones or harass them but on the quiet I'm absolutely heartbroken and obsessed.

I'm in my 20s now and I'm fed up of this. I've never been close to man in all my life. How can I stop acting like a fool so I can actually find a decent and healthy relationship?

Thanks

Your first step is stop calling yourself a failure. You are not a failure, you may have made mistakes - we all do. Others may speak ill of you but you should never do it of yourself.

there is no easy path to it. But look online, speak to friends and family on how to improve your self worth.

Is anyone else like this? If not, then do you have advice for me to stop being such a wuss?

I do think there is something psychological in this, I get attached very easily I think because I did not receive affection, approval or kindness from my father. When a man in my life shows me even a hint of these things I fall head over heels in love I can't stop thinking about them even when they reject me as it's always in a friendly or situation appropriate manner (e.g. my old boss, my old male counsellor, male friends etc.). Although the guys would never know it's not like I blow up their phones or harass them but on the quiet I'm absolutely heartbroken and obsessed.

I'm in my 20s now and I'm fed up of this. I've never been close to man in all my life. How can I stop acting like a fool so I can actually find a decent and healthy relationship?

Thanks