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False modesty Watch

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    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    I haven't made my mind up on this one. Sometimes modesty is good even when it's faked but when it's faked only to be completely obliterated by success they knew they were heading for then it's like oh for ****s sake what a... It is annoying that they just pretended for their own benefit and gratification when their actual 'result' or whatever comes through they get the double satisfaction.

    Although having said that sometimes it's difficult to tell whether someone was just playing it cool so as not to get disappointed/to disappoint people with expectations for them.
    It depends what they were being 'falsely' modest about.
    Like when you were at school and the smart kid was always like: OMG I didnt even open this, Im gonna fail. And then ofc they get an A*
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    (Original post by John55)
    Sometimes it's to do with the Dunning-Kruger effect, some people who are really good at something genuinely don't realise that their so good at it, they assume that tasks which are easy for them are also easy for others.
    Indeed. I have experienced this. Coupled with my lack of empathy, I was quite the obnoxious and insensitive child and early-mid teens.

    What I object to are two groups of people:
    1) Those that think that feigning modesty is more polite.
    2) Those that fake modesty in order to be complimented and reassured.

    I think that confidence is something that should be encouraged and that by promoting this idea that one should not be proud of their accomplishments it puts pressure on the rest of us to never mention the things we're good at. Group 2 are just manipulative.

    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    I haven't made my mind up on this one. Sometimes modesty is good even when it's faked but when it's faked only to be completely obliterated by success they knew they were heading for then it's like oh for ****s sake what a... It is annoying that they just pretended for their own benefit and gratification when their actual 'result' or whatever comes through they get the double satisfaction.

    Although having said that sometimes it's difficult to tell whether someone was just playing it cool so as not to get disappointed/to disappoint people with expectations for them.
    It depends what they were being 'falsely' modest about.
    Fair enough
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    (Original post by driftawaay)
    Like when you were at school and the smart kid was always like: OMG I didnt even open this, Im gonna fail. And then ofc they get an A*
    Pretty much although for them what are they meant to do? Even if they shut their mouths when they come out with an A* they'll probably still get blasted at every available opportunity lol.
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    (Original post by llacerta)
    What if you genuinely believe you're bad at something, and are genuinely surprised at the subsequent result? As an undergrad there were several occasions where I'd submitted an essay that I really did think was below-par and that wouldn't get a good grade, and somehow ended up with a 1st. I can understand why it's frustrating for friends when that happens, but if the feeling is genuine then what can you do about it?
    this isn't a one time thing. I've known these friends for 4 yrs, they've done it since the beginning.

    One is on the road to a 1st and consistently tells me how she doesn't think she'll get a 2:2 this year, despite absolutely smashing it so far this semester. It gets tiring and frustrating having to tell her over and over again that she's smart. Like thw OP said, I feel lowkey manipulated into making her feel better about herself.
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    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    Pretty much although for them what are they meant to do? Even if they shut their mouths when they come out with an A* they'll probably still get blasted at every available opportunity lol.
    I don't mind congratulating people . Of my friends who got A*AA+ in results day 2014, the only one who annoyed me was the one who swore she was going to get Bs or Cs but got A*A*A*.

    She's amazing at a ton of things but still claims to be bad at them all.
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    (Original post by Kvothe the arcane)
    Does anyone else hate people who fake modesty?

    I find it rather irksome. It's fine to be proud of your accomplishments and I don't think you're better if you pretend to be bad at something and then demonstrate you're infact amazing.
    I wish some people here would at least fake modesty rather than demonstrate their complete lack of any on an almost daily basis.
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    (Original post by Reue)
    I wish some people here would at least fake modesty rather than demonstrate their complete lack of any on an almost daily basis.
    People, eh? :sly:
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    (Original post by Kvothe the arcane)
    People, eh? :sly:
    I wouldn't be so bold as to narrow it down any further...
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    (Original post by Kvothe the arcane)
    Well I'm a person that has cried over As before so I think it's fine to have high expectations.

    If however I'm in that sort of mood, I'm careful to not say "it's nothing" because I appreciate that it might hurt others feelings.
    This. I'd be neutral in public and then go be unhappy about it on my own.
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    Hate is such a strong word. I don't hate people who are modest. Modesty is a good thing.
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    (Original post by Student403)
    Especially when people act really sour about getting a result others work hard for. E.g. being openly sour about getting an A and saying how it's "so crap", just because they didn't get an A*. Be unhappy if your expectations are high, but don't belittle the result because others work hard for it.
    (Original post by Kvothe the arcane)
    Well I'm a person that has cried over As before so I think it's fine to have high expectations.

    If however I'm in that sort of mood, I'm careful to not say "it's nothing" because I appreciate that it might hurt others feelings.

    I don't think I agree with you two entirely on this point. The merit of a result is subjective and depends entirely on the person. You can't expect somebody to not be disappointed openly for getting a C at A-Level maths when others are ecstatic at finally being able to get a C at GCSE maths after their fourth resit.

    With that logic, I'm sure there are people who work hard to get a D or an E (and effectively pass) a subject but if I got a D and an E, I shouldn't be openly unhappy?
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    (Original post by Zacken)
    I don't think I agree with you two entirely on this point. The merit of a result is subjective and depends entirely on the person. You can't expect somebody to not be disappointed openly for getting a C at A-Level maths when others are ecstatic at finally being able to get a C at GCSE maths after their fourth resit.

    With that logic, I'm sure there are people who work hard to get a D or an E (and effectively pass) a subject but if I got a D and an E, I shouldn't be openly unhappy?
    You misunderstand me. "belittling the result" means openly saying "An A is a crap grade." It is not.

    I said "be unhappy if your expectations are high", because that is fair enough if you fail to reach your target. But don't mock the actual grade for being "bad". As you said the result is subjective. But the grade itself is not.
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    "I didn't revise, I think I failed, I couldn't answer anything!"

    *comes out with A*s*

    **** those people man ¬_¬
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    (Original post by Student403)
    You misunderstand me. "belittling the result" means openly saying "An A is a crap grade." It is not.
    Would you be okay with somebody saying "A D is a crap grade."?
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    guilty as charged :3
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    (Original post by Zacken)
    Would you be okay with somebody saying "A D is a crap grade."?
    It is below average in terms of percentiles, so then that depends on what you would define as "crap". Personally I don't think it is a good grade to get for your "average" student (because generally speaking, this is the standard we judge grades by). Obviously the standards lower if the person has a learning disability or some sort of other hindrance.
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    Pretending to be good at something isn't modesty, its just concealment/dishonesty
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    (Original post by Student403)
    It is below average in terms of percentiles, so then that depends on what you would define as "crap". Personally I don't think it is a good grade to get for your "average" student (because generally speaking, this is the standard we judge grades by). Obviously the standards lower if the person has a learning disability or some sort of other hindrance.
    I think the crux of the issue is in your first sentence. People have different definitions of crap and you can't really fault them for that.

    I definitely agree that saying "A B is a ****ty grade, I want to kill myself." next to someone who put in hours worth of effort to scrape that B is morally repugnant and yet I'd have no problem with someone uttering that (minus the overly dramatic part after the comma) in a group of friends who all got straight A*'s.
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    (Original post by Zacken)
    I think the crux of the issue is in your first sentence. People have different definitions of crap and you can't really fault them for that.

    I definitely agree that saying "A B is a ****ty grade, I want to kill myself." next to someone who put in hours worth of effort to scrape that B is morally repugnant and yet I'd have no problem with someone uttering that (minus the overly dramatic part after the comma) in a group of friends who all got straight A*'s.
    Yeah I can agree with that and especially with your last scenario, it is a disappointing result to get an A/B in a class of straight A*s (from experience )
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    (Original post by Emily.97)
    Pretending to be good at something isn't modesty, its just concealment/dishonesty
    Not sure you worded your post right there. Pretending to be good at something is pretty much the opposite of the (usual) definition of modesty...
 
 
 
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