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can someone please look over these Watch

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    Mes Vacances
    Bonjour Je m'appelle Sophie. L'anné derniére J'ai passé une
    semaine à Paris. J'y suis allèe en avion avec ma grand-mere. Je ne
    suis pas fan de le vol car je pense que c'est effrayant. D'abord on
    a mangè au restaurant, Ensuite on a fait une balade en bateau
    mouche. Ensuite on a visitè la tour Eiffel où on a pris des photos.
    Apres on a admirè la pyramide du louvre où on a achetè des
    souvenirs. Finalement on a attendu le bus et on a bu un coca.
    Ensuite on a fait un tour de la segway. L'annè prochaine , Je
    voudrais aller à Rome.

    ' The New Boy ' Essay
    A short story with an entertaining there is ' The New Boy ' by Geddes Thomson. The theme of the short story is not to judge a person before you really get to know them . ' The New Boy ' is about a boy called Tam. His Mum had given him five one pound notes. All day long Tam was thinking what he should do with all that lovely money. One day Tam stopped and stared at the newcomer Colin in his playground. He did not like it because all of the first years were listening to Colin's every word . Colin was not a snob he was just a kind , honest boy who just wanted to make friends.

    At the start of the short story we clearly found out that Tam does not come from a wealthy background. This is suggested by " A nice surprise on a Tuesday night with the rain running down the windows, no money for the gas fire and the telly rotten as usual " . His Mum had a big win at the bingo the night before. she had brought home special fish suppers , two bottles of Irn Bru and a big red box of chocolates. This suggests that the Protagonist Tam is a poor young man who does not get treated like that very often. It is also clear to us that if and when Tam gets a treat it is not very often . We know that the Protagonist Tam does not like school . We know this because it says " they dragged their feet through the school gate " . The word dragged suggests that he is reluctant to go to school. In the short story it is clear to us that the Protagonist Tam is a narrow minded character. We know this because " He told alec ah kin speak it , can't ah ? no like that bloody French . Ivrybody should talk english " . This conveys to the reader that Tam is a narrow minded person because of his ridiculous suggestion .

    At the beginning of the short story the reader is introduced to the Protagonist Tam . When the reader was reading the short story their first impression of the Protagonist Tam was that he does not come from a wealthy background . We know this because it says " no money for the gas fire " . This suggests that he comes from a poor background.

    Early on in the short story we discovered Tams true feelings towards Colin . The Protagonist Tam's main feelings towards Colin was mostly sarcasm . We know this because it says " Talkin tae me son , or chewin a brick ". This suggests that the Protagonist Tam's sarcasm was because he was jealous of Colin. Moreover , the Protagonist Tam is extremely quick to judge the new boy Colin before he even gets a change to know him properly. Tam makes it clear at the start of the short story that he resents Colin's presence in the playground . This is clear to us because we discovered that " Tam stopped and stared at the newcomer in his playground " . This makes the reader think that the Protagonist Tam thinks that the playground belongs to him when in fact it is school property.
    At the beginning of the short story Colin does not act like a new boy who has just started a new school. He appears differently because he comes across like an honest boy who just wants a good education in life . We know this because it says " He looked perfectly relaxed and smiled broadly , not the slight shy smile of an ordinary new pupil " . The word that describes Colin's character is ' relaxed ' . During the short story we discovered that Tam tripped Colin up and Colin reacted very different . Colin was very mature about it he just said that he was ok because he knew that Tam was just imitated by him. . We know this because it states that " The new boy smiled , Ah'm fine, sir. Ah've just skint ma knee. Thats aw accidents happen , ye ken " . This quote reveals that Colin is not easily imitated that proves h is a mature boy who thinks before he speaks. At the end of the short story we found out that Colin is an honest boy . We know this because Colin said to the Protagonist Tam " oh ah've goat something fur ye ah fun them in the dressing room they're yours , aren't they ? ah wis comin tae gie them tae yi ". This makes the reader think that Colin is an honest , kind-hearted young man who just wants to make friends know matter who he is treated. Also it makes you thinks about other people's feelings .

    At the end of the story we found out the Protagonist Tam does not have Colin any more . We know this because Tam said to Colin " Yer no sae bad yerself " . This makes the reader think that the Protagonist Tam is starting to respect Colin because he complemented him on him fighting whereas before the fight Tam would have never complemented Colin on anything . At the end of the short story we found out that Colin is an honest person . We know this because it says " Colin MacDonald sat up and opened his big brown fist to reveal a heap of green paper " . This suggests to the reader that the Protagonist Tam and Colin may perhaps become friends . I think this because Colin handed the Protagonist Tam's money which makes me think that it will make Tam realise that Colin only wants to make friends . It also suggests that you should always have a narrow mind and also that it is not ok to judge a person before you actually get to know them well enough .

    In conclusion a short story an engaging theme is ' The New Boy ' by Geddes Thomson . The theme of the short story is not to judge a person before you get to know them properly . I thought that the short story was brilliant because I have learned not to judge anybody in any situation no matter what the circumstance are because it 's wrong . I also thought that the short story was entertaining because f the techniques used . The techniques used are alliterations and similes . Three examples of similes used in the short story are" edged away like cowboys in the western " , " laughing and skipping about like a pack of playful dogs " and " he was as hard as nails " . Two examples of alliteration used in the short story are slight shy smile , tension that tightened his throat . Towards the end of the short story I was beginning to think that the Protagonist Tam and Colin were starting to get on well . At this point in the short story I felt emotionally happy for the boys because they were starting and fresh so that they could become friends .
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    It looks like french.

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    yes the top one is french for a trip to paris and the bootom one is english on a different subject
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    can u just look at the english if u do not no french and let me no is it good or ot please
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    #NotNews
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    For the French, as far as I can understand it is mostly correct however there are a few amendments I would advice:
    Les Vacances
    Bonjour. Je m'appelle Sophie. L'année derniére J'ai passé une semaine à Paris. J'y suis allèe en avion avec ma grand-mere. Je ne suis pas fan de le vol car je pense que c'est effrayant. D'abord on a mangè au restaurant, ensuite on a fait une balade en bateau mouche. Plus tard, on a visitè la tour Eiffel où on a pris beaucoup de des photos. Après on a admirèe la pyramide du louvre où on a achetè des souvenirs. Finalement on à attendu le bus et on à bu un coca. Ensuite on a fait un tour de la segway. L'annèe prochaine , je voudrais aller à Rome parce que ...
    I think I've put all the corrections in bold but there might be some more. Some of them are grammatical but some are just to make the quality a bit higher. My French is ok but it isn't the greatest so if someone corrects it then they're almost certainly right over me. (Also, some of the accents may be wrong - I haven't done French in a little while so I just put what I thought was right)
    It would also be good to add some comparison of one place to another place (so Je aimée (insert place) plus que (another place) parce que... - I liked x more than y because...)
    HTH
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    thanks
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    (Original post by smudge18)
    thanks
    np
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    Les Vacances
    Bonjour. Je m'appelle Sophie. L'année derniére J'ai passé une semaine à Paris. J'y suis allèe en avion avec ma grand-mere. Je ne suis pas fan de le vol car je pense que c'est effrayant. D'abord on a mangè au restaurant, ensuite on a fait une balade en bateau mouche. Plus tard, on a visitè la tour Eiffel où on a pris beaucoup de des photos. Après on a admirèe la pyramide du louvre où on a achetè des souvenirs. Finalement on à attendu le bus et on à bu un coca. Ensuite on a fait un tour de la segway. L'annèe prochaine , je voudrais aller à Rome parce que ...

    Like Lemur14 has pointed out you have some errors which are highlighted in bold and I have looked over them myself and I can't spot anymore but to improve your writing you need to check for the following:
    - Past, Present, Imperfect, Conditional and Future tenses (You can include Pluperfect)
    - Opinions and Justifications
    - Connectives
    - Complex Structures
    - Time Phrases
    - Intensifiers
    - Adjectives etc to get the top end of the UMS marks available.
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    As someone who speaks French... that gave me a headache. There are hundreds of grammatical errors.

    In fact all those who have tried to correct you have failed to do so.
 
 
 
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