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    University has always been my dream. I want to go so badly. None of my friends know what to want to do with their, they've gone because - I quote - they could, and everyone else our age does.

    It hurts like hell to have to listen to them about how great uni is. I want them to be happy, I wouldn't wish the stuff I've had to deal with on them ever, but I can't stand it. I'm jealous as anything, I'll admit it. I've cut all contact with them now because I can't handle having to see them be happy while I'm falling apart.

    It's not that I don't work hard - I try so hard all the time. They'd ask me to go out with them at the weekends and I wouldn't, because I was studying. I was so scared of someone accusing me of not working hard enough that I made sure I was studying the majority of the hours of the day, so no one would be able to see they hadn't seen me working.

    But my luck just... isn't good. I've had a relative die each exam season, including finding a very close family member having committed suicide (as in, yes, I did find the body). I managed to save up money for extra tuition, and the tutor I found was a scam who took my money and stood me up. I'm resitting so many of my exams because of extenuating circumstances.

    IDK. I feel bad for holding those things against them, but I hate them for taking everything for granted, how lucky they are. I know bitterness isn't healthy but y'know. I feel like I've fallen by the wayside now. I had 15A*s at GCSE, and now I can barely get Cs. I feel so stupid and unlucky and pointless, like the world is trying to tell me to give up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    University has always been my dream. I want to go so badly. None of my friends know what to want to do with their, they've gone because - I quote - they could, and everyone else our age does.

    It hurts like hell to have to listen to them about how great uni is. I want them to be happy, I wouldn't wish the stuff I've had to deal with on them ever, but I can't stand it. I'm jealous as anything, I'll admit it. I've cut all contact with them now because I can't handle having to see them be happy while I'm falling apart.

    It's not that I don't work hard - I try so hard all the time. They'd ask me to go out with them at the weekends and I wouldn't, because I was studying. I was so scared of someone accusing me of not working hard enough that I made sure I was studying the majority of the hours of the day, so no one would be able to see they hadn't seen me working.

    But my luck just... isn't good. I've had a relative die each exam season, including finding a very close family member having committed suicide (as in, yes, I did find the body). I managed to save up money for extra tuition, and the tutor I found was a scam who took my money and stood me up. I'm resitting so many of my exams because of extenuating circumstances.

    IDK. I feel bad for holding those things against them, but I hate them for taking everything for granted, how lucky they are. I know bitterness isn't healthy but y'know. I feel like I've fallen by the wayside now. I had 15A*s at GCSE, and now I can barely get Cs. I feel so stupid and unlucky and pointless, like the world is trying to tell me to give up.
    DON'T! You can get there in the end! =]
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    I'm going to be the devil's advocate here and say you're being quite harsh.

    You're not necessarily a bad person for thinking this, a lot of my friends felt left out when they didn't go to university. But on the other hand, it's harsh to judge your friends like that. Just because they might seem lucky and happy, it doesn't mean they really are. You cannot truly judge a person until you live their life.

    I also think you're overplaying how much you've studied and how much emotional trauma you've experienced. It's an easy trap to fall into, saying how many hours you've studied, rather than how well you've studied. I was guilty of the same thing, I judged my friends for being so lucky whereas I felt I studied way more than they did. Like you, I had an intense period of many family deaths, including my cousin who was very young. At first I felt sorry for myself. But then I remembered that these things happen to everybody, and if everyone felt sorry for themselves, society would stop. You might want to get counselling to help you, but remember to practise empathy rather than judgment. I'd say you should give your friends a break.

    Overall, I think you need to be a little more stoic with your own emotions and more sympathetic to your friends. You've had a rough time, my heart goes out to you, especially since I recognise your frustration. But people have had much worse, remember to keep that in perspective. Life will get better for you, it always has its up and downs, you've just got to ride out the current low and you'll find everything gets better.
 
 
 
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