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Watching the person you love, love someone else
Hi,
Basically I'll be going to a friend's birthday party this friday. My ex-boyfriend (still one of my best friends tho) will be there and will be flirting/pulling girls there. The thing is I still love him, even though we broke up two months ago, and I'm going to find it quite hard watching him be with other girls knowing he's so not into me, but i'm still so into him. So any tips to make the whole experience a bit easier?
Also, I never knew why he finished it with me? Do you think its reasonable for me to ask him why (obvi not at the party) so I dont make the same mistake again with someone else?
Basically I'll be going to a friend's birthday party this friday. My ex-boyfriend (still one of my best friends tho) will be there and will be flirting/pulling girls there. The thing is I still love him, even though we broke up two months ago, and I'm going to find it quite hard watching him be with other girls knowing he's so not into me, but i'm still so into him. So any tips to make the whole experience a bit easier?
Also, I never knew why he finished it with me? Do you think its reasonable for me to ask him why (obvi not at the party) so I dont make the same mistake again with someone else?
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I empathise.
I broke up with my girlfriend this weekend and it really hurts.
The only thing that is currently keeping me from complete depression is the hope that we could still work when the time is right.
The last thing I could ever cope with is knowing that she is in love with somebody else, but I know that I'd just have to get over it - and perhaps the situation would be easier once you've been through it once.
Grit your teeth and just be friendly, and you'll have a good time - just don't get all drunk and make the experience one you'd rather forget by saying something stupid.
It does sound like you need closure, but often relationships don't work not because a partner has done something wrong, but because the circumstances are wrong or because you're just long term compatible..
I broke up with my girlfriend this weekend and it really hurts.
The only thing that is currently keeping me from complete depression is the hope that we could still work when the time is right.
The last thing I could ever cope with is knowing that she is in love with somebody else, but I know that I'd just have to get over it - and perhaps the situation would be easier once you've been through it once.
Grit your teeth and just be friendly, and you'll have a good time - just don't get all drunk and make the experience one you'd rather forget by saying something stupid.
It does sound like you need closure, but often relationships don't work not because a partner has done something wrong, but because the circumstances are wrong or because you're just long term compatible..
If you're still 'best friends' with him, won't you want him to be happy? He obviously wasn't with you and that's why you're not together any more. I agree in that you shouldn't get drunk (if you're already anxious it can all end in tears) but try and have fun with your girl-friends and don't pay him any more attention than necessary
*Sunflower*
Basically I'll be going to a friend's birthday party this friday. My ex-boyfriend (still one of my best friends tho) will be there and will be flirting/pulling girls there. The thing is I still love him, even though we broke up two months ago, and I'm going to find it quite hard watching him be with other girls knowing he's so not into me, but i'm still so into him. So any tips to make the whole experience a bit easier?
You must be so heartbroken, just try to move on and don't think about him. It's the only way the pain will go away. Oh and time is a good healer, so don't think about him and move on and within time you will meet someone else
As others have suggested, its about closure from the relationship especially if you've had no reason. I don't think its wrong that you wanna know why, and if he had any respect for you as a person, he would give you a reason as to why he finished with you.
Again, as others have stated, don't get drunk and make a fool of yourself but at the same time, try and enjoy yourself and make sure your close friends are aware of the situation before you go, so they can try and take your mind off him whilst you're there. Also, be civil with him if he does speak to you but dont give him toooo much of you attention during the party, dont keep looking to see who he's with or what he's doing. It wont be easy but try and pretend he isn't even there and get on with the party.
Again, as others have stated, don't get drunk and make a fool of yourself but at the same time, try and enjoy yourself and make sure your close friends are aware of the situation before you go, so they can try and take your mind off him whilst you're there. Also, be civil with him if he does speak to you but dont give him toooo much of you attention during the party, dont keep looking to see who he's with or what he's doing. It wont be easy but try and pretend he isn't even there and get on with the party.
ahahahaha i read the title and thought you were going to try and make a home porn movie. 
Do that instead. It'll make you feel better. ;yes;
Do that instead. It'll make you feel better. ;yes;
First of all, it's difficult to see a past boyfriend or girlfriend with someone new, even if you broke up a little while ago. I feel for you, I really do. I think you should just go to the party with your head held high and enjoy yourself, I know it's a horrible thing to see but you can't let it get in the way of you having fun. Stay with your friends, go and speak to new people and enjoy yourself, don't pay any attention to what he is doing. You two aren't a couple anymore, you might still love him but he has moved on, and has every right to meet other girls. Just go and let him do as he wants, just make sure you don't let it ruin your night. It's nothing something you can avoid forever, the sooner you get this out the way, the sooner it will stop hurting and you will move on.
Secondly, I do think you have every right to know why he broke up with you. It's been a little while now and it might seem strange that you are asking now, but I don't see why you should be kept in the dark. It's fair enough if you want to know what happened, so that you can maybe avoid it in future. To be honest, I would have asked long ago, I don't know how you managed not to ask for two months. If it really is important to you, then ask. It might just seem a little odd to him because you two were meant to have moved on.
Secondly, I do think you have every right to know why he broke up with you. It's been a little while now and it might seem strange that you are asking now, but I don't see why you should be kept in the dark. It's fair enough if you want to know what happened, so that you can maybe avoid it in future. To be honest, I would have asked long ago, I don't know how you managed not to ask for two months. If it really is important to you, then ask. It might just seem a little odd to him because you two were meant to have moved on.
Melissa85
personally i would avoid going to the party
Sometimes you have to stand the storm, depending on how you prepare for it, you'll come out stronger on the other side or you'll get over powered. (damm i sound weird)
Go to the party, look stunning, buy a new outfit, have a good time, focus on having a good time and get his attention rather than give him yours. He'll soon see what he's missing. You'll be better off for it!
Thanks for everyones advice
I'm definately going to the party...not to go would to chicken out. And I know he has every right to be with other girls and I want him to be happy as he's a lovely guy...but it doesnt stop it from hurting. Should I pull another guy in front of him just for the sake of it?
I think the party will be the turning point, although in my heart I love to think that maybe sometime we'll get back together, my head says get over him and move on.
Anyone got any ideas about how to get my closure? One of the most bizarre things was that since we broke up, when we're both at home, he insists on seeing me almost constantly (I dont insist but allow it), so we now spend more time together now when we were together...at his request
I'm definately going to the party...not to go would to chicken out. And I know he has every right to be with other girls and I want him to be happy as he's a lovely guy...but it doesnt stop it from hurting. Should I pull another guy in front of him just for the sake of it?
I think the party will be the turning point, although in my heart I love to think that maybe sometime we'll get back together, my head says get over him and move on.
Anyone got any ideas about how to get my closure? One of the most bizarre things was that since we broke up, when we're both at home, he insists on seeing me almost constantly (I dont insist but allow it), so we now spend more time together now when we were together...at his request
*Sunflower*
Should I pull another guy in front of him just for the sake of it?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO AND NO NO NO NO!!!
Wrong thing to do, that wont achieve anything. Dont just do it for the sake of getting to him at all, it proves nothing.
If you see him alot now, then meet with him somewhere, away from distractions, like a park or restaurant and just ask nicely. for example
'i just need to ask you a personal question, its something i really need to know and would really appreciate a truthful answer from you........ do you mind me asking why you split up from me?', I'm sure if you're friends he should answer your questions.
i know exactly how u feel, my advice would be try not to drink too much and chat with everyone else, just have a good time and if he wants to make things difficult n try n upset u dont give him the satisfaction!
hope it goes ok for u
hope it goes ok for u
Thanks for your advice everyone...fingers crossed it goes ok!
honestly,if ur still best friends then he'd prob understand that u feel uncomfortable seeing him flirting or pulling anyone else. personally, i'd never do it in front of my exes and they know not to do it in front of me. its only been two months (though depends how long ur relationship lasted for) so if u'd been together a while it feels wierd and unconfortable about it.
One thing i've learned is not to play games....don't go and pull some random guy to get back at him. the only one who ends up hurt is you...just be honest with him. i'm sure he'll feel just as unconfortable seeing you with someone else
One thing i've learned is not to play games....don't go and pull some random guy to get back at him. the only one who ends up hurt is you...just be honest with him. i'm sure he'll feel just as unconfortable seeing you with someone else
just try and forget about it, you'll get over it once you decide to just let it go.
Zoecb
I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for a reason why he broke up with you... it's shameful just to dump someone and not give them a reason.
what if the reason is something they dont want to hear?
the problem with pressing for the truth is that sometimes you can be disturbed when you hear it
also a relationship ending doesn't necessarily mean that you made a mistake, there are lots of reasons why things dont work out, its generally because the other person realised you weren't what they specifically are looking for
I think watching the person you love fall in love with someone else is one of the most painful emotional experiences, it's not just loss it's rejection too.
I broke up with my ex 3 months ago, we live in a university halls flat together and ever since the break-up i've been tormented by the thought of him bringing home girls he's pulled to sleep with or if he stays out all night somewhere...
So far this hasn't happened but he brags about girls he's met or who find him attractive and it used to feel like a kick in the stomach, it really hurt me and made me jealous and my self-esteem went to rock bottom.
I've only just started to move on and have found a nice new guy who treats me well and we're dating but i still haven't quite shaken the feeling of hurt when my ex talks about other girls... i think there will always be a twinge when you've been attached to someone.
Anyway the point of my story is to say... hold your head up high, dont try to pull a guy just to spite him... inevitably you'll end up more hurt as you say you're still in love with your old boyfriend. You will get past this i promise and finding out the reasons as to why you broke up will definitely help the grieving process. I really feel for you... the pain won't last forever and someone new will come along when you're not looking.
I broke up with my ex 3 months ago, we live in a university halls flat together and ever since the break-up i've been tormented by the thought of him bringing home girls he's pulled to sleep with or if he stays out all night somewhere...
So far this hasn't happened but he brags about girls he's met or who find him attractive and it used to feel like a kick in the stomach, it really hurt me and made me jealous and my self-esteem went to rock bottom.
I've only just started to move on and have found a nice new guy who treats me well and we're dating but i still haven't quite shaken the feeling of hurt when my ex talks about other girls... i think there will always be a twinge when you've been attached to someone.
Anyway the point of my story is to say... hold your head up high, dont try to pull a guy just to spite him... inevitably you'll end up more hurt as you say you're still in love with your old boyfriend. You will get past this i promise and finding out the reasons as to why you broke up will definitely help the grieving process. I really feel for you... the pain won't last forever and someone new will come along when you're not looking.
Well I asked him last night when we went out for a drink and he response was that he still found me attractive and loves spending time with me and that he doesnt know why he finished it. Tbh, I wasn't all that impressed with the answer. Do people always have reasons why when they break up?
Maybe he didn't want to lead you on. I know heaps of girls I find rather decent and enjoy their company but wouldn't consider being in a relationship with.
You have to learn to associate him as just a friend, you need to do what he's doing, going out and enjoying time with other people and pretending like you're out for someone new. The best way to get over someone is to learn to feel nothing for them, even if you have to go through hating them in the process. Then you can rebuild the friendship in your heart if you still want to and learn to feel indifferent that he's moved on. I think it's best if you accept that he's moved on and so should you.
You have to learn to associate him as just a friend, you need to do what he's doing, going out and enjoying time with other people and pretending like you're out for someone new. The best way to get over someone is to learn to feel nothing for them, even if you have to go through hating them in the process. Then you can rebuild the friendship in your heart if you still want to and learn to feel indifferent that he's moved on. I think it's best if you accept that he's moved on and so should you.
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