Why should the bill be split on first dates? Watch

TurndownforWha
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#1
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Keep in mind that this is just my opinion and thoughts and I'm welcoming other points of view.

I think it's basic etiquette and manners, that if you ask somebody out on a date, you pay!
Doesn't matter which gender you are. But if you invite someone out, YOU NEED to be prepared to pay, it only makes sense. You INVITED them to take them to do something nice, and spend time with you. This isn't a teenage birthday party typa invitation.

So imagine being asked out by someone, say 'Let's go out to eat this night', and they bring you to a fancy expensive restaurant. It would be rude to expect them to pay, what if they can't afford it?

Obviously, I would always pay for my date if I ask them out. If they invited me, I would 100% offer to pay for myself, but I would expect them to offer out of manners.

Tell me your opinions.
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Jebedee
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I'm going to make a wild guess that you are a woman.
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Dheorl
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If women asked men out in equal rates then that would be grand. As it stands though if a guy wants to find a gf chances are he's going to have to shell out a lot of money paying for nice meals with other people that might not go anywhere.
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TurndownforWha
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(Original post by Jebedee)
I'm going to make a wild guess that you are a woman.
did you not read my thread?
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90pies an hour
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I asked a mate if he fancied a few bevvies after work... Doesn't mean I'm obliged to get every round in.
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Strategos
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Depends on way more things. If you say "let me take you out", then regardless of whether it is a date, friends, etc, it's kinda suggested that person will pay. If you are agreeing to meet with someone mutually, there's no reason why the bill shouldn't be split.

It does vary though, usually if the girl is younger than me i'll just pay. If the girl is older, generally she will be savvy enough to know that the bill is going to be split. People stop worrying about this stuff as they get older. A rule of the man always paying on the first is old-fashioned and generally unattractive (from both sides).
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phunky_fresh
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(Original post by TurndownforWha)
Keep in mind that this is just my opinion and thoughts and I'm welcoming other points of view.

I think it's basic etiquette and manners, that if you ask somebody out on a date, you pay!
Doesn't matter which gender you are. But if you invite someone out, YOU NEED to be prepared to pay, it only makes sense. You INVITED them to take them to do something nice, and spend time with you. This isn't a teenage birthday party typa invitation.

So imagine being asked out by someone, say 'Let's go out to eat this night', and they bring you to a fancy expensive restaurant. It would be rude to expect them to pay, what if they can't afford it?

Obviously, I would always pay for my date if I ask them out. If they invited me, I would 100% offer to pay for myself, but I would expect them to offer out of manners.

Tell me your opinions.
That isn't how I roll. If i invite someone out and say '' my treat " then expect me to pay for us both. If i don't say this or the person that invited me doesn't mention covering the costs, then I'd assume I'm paying for myself. If my friend was to invite me to a fancy restaurant knowing very well it's out of my means, I would decline the invite or suggest somewhere else.
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TurndownforWha
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(Original post by 90pies an hour)
I asked a mate if he fancied a few bevvies after work... Doesn't mean I'm obliged to get every round in.
Yes but I'm talking about first dates, not going somewhere with a friend. Going for a drink with a friend is equivalent to going to a restaurant with your girlfriend/boyfriend, as you already have some sort of relationship and can each pay for yourselves.

Taking someone out is a different story, think about it.
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UWS
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You're talking about first dates. I wouldn't expect a lot of people to be having an expensive dinner on the first date!

Split the bill on the first date so your partner doesn't feel like that's going to happen all the time. Then there is the expectation that YOU will always gonna be the one paying the meal. You end up like a doormat and her thinking you're loaded.

That's what I think anyway.
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Jebedee
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(Original post by TurndownforWha)
did you not read my thread?
I did and it didn't say your gender, perhaps if you did I would explain why it is relevant despite what you say.
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TurndownforWha
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(Original post by phunky_fresh)
That isn't how I roll. If i invite someone out and say '' my treat " then expect me to pay for us both. If i don't say this or the person that invited me doesn't mention covering the costs, then I'd assume I'm paying for myself. If my friend was to invite me to a fancy restaurant knowing very well it's out of my means, I would decline the invite or suggest somewhere else.
People will tell you 'it's a surprise', take you to some expensive af place and still expect you to pay, how is that fine.

Also, imo this also says alot about the person. Generosity is an asset and something good to have.
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TurndownforWha
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(Original post by UWS)
You're talking about first dates. I wouldn't expect a lot of people to be having an expensive dinner on the first date!

Split the bill on the first date so your partner doesn't feel like that's going to happen all the time. Then there is the expectation that YOU will always gonna be the one paying the meal. You end up like a doormat and her thinking you're loaded.

That's what I think anyway.
Ok that's actually a valid point!
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Andy98
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I would offer to pay regardless of who asked who tbh

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Zargabaath
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I genuinely don't see the fuss in paying for a first date that you've asked someone out on. If they want to split it, I'd probably think better of them but I understand that I asked them, so I should pay.

After that though I think it should be split, it's a mutual decision and its just basic decency.
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phunky_fresh
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(Original post by TurndownforWha)
People will tell you 'it's a surprise', take you to some expensive af place and still expect you to pay, how is that fine.

Also, imo this also says alot about the person. Generosity is an asset and something good to have.
That's never happened to me. I tend to plug people to find out exactly where we are going. Btw I have misread your entire post, I thought you were talking about going out with friends (I am half asleep here).

Its good to be generous and if a guy was to invite me out and didn't offer to pay this wouldn't be a good look.

I've been on dates with different guys, one of the guys I ended up in a relationship with. He was very tight with money, I should have known this because on the first date he didn't offer to buy me drink, he invited me out btw. I let it slide and thought I wouldn't let it be an issue. I will always carry money with me, I don't expect to be paid for - its just a nice gesture.

I dated another guy that near enough refused to pay because he thought he should be treated. I have had my fair share of these encounters.

I have so much more to say on the matter, but I'm way too tired Atm.
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1468917
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(Original post by TurndownforWha)
Yes but I'm talking about first dates, not going somewhere with a friend. Going for a drink with a friend is equivalent to going to a restaurant with your girlfriend/boyfriend, as you already have some sort of relationship and can each pay for yourselves.

Taking someone out is a different story, think about it.
But it's not like they're forced to go out with the person that asked so it's a decision they're making themselves and can choose to decline. That being said, I'd pay if I asked someone out purely because I feel bad if I didn't.

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theDanIdentity
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IN an ideal world; where women asked out guys at the same rate that guys do girls currently; then I wouldn't be concerned on who's paying for who. then and only then, frankly y'all can treat yourselves to dinner in a sharks' underbelly for all i care.

but.

this isn't an ideal world.

and most women are either too "shy" or claim to be; so that they can get off with whatever they can from as many men as they can. this would go on to an extent where a woman could basically start off broke; but end up a millionaire by the end of the night. it's disgusting and frankly no different to gold-diggers/prostitutes in my eyes.

no. men shouldn't have to bear the brunt of the first date; Regardless of who asked who out. it takes two to tango right? didn't the woman have to agree to the date? are you trying to insinuate that to all women asked out; most always say yes regardless of intentions afterwards? No. they don't. for the fact that they agreed to have the date; then it's only common courtesy that the bill be split.

after all, if feminists (who claim they support both sexes) are going to be clamouring for equality; then shouldn't this aspect of life be looked at as well? or is it only a "disadvantage" if it doesn't benefit them?

#notallmen
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Jebedee
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(Original post by theDanIdentity)
IN an ideal world; where women asked out guys at the same rate that guys do girls currently; then I wouldn't be concerned on who's paying for who. then and only then, frankly y'all can treat yourselves to dinner in a sharks' underbelly for all i care.

but.

this isn't an ideal world.

and most women are either too "shy" or claim to be; so that they can get off with whatever they can from as many men as they can. this would go on to an extent where a woman could basically start off broke; but end up a millionaire by the end of the night. it's disgusting and frankly no different to gold-diggers/prostitutes in my eyes.

no. men shouldn't have to bear the brunt of the first date; Regardless of who asked who out. it takes two to tango right? didn't the woman have to agree to the date? are you trying to insinuate that to all women asked out; most always say yes regardless of intentions afterwards? No. they don't. for the fact that they agreed to have the date; then it's only common courtesy that the bill be split.

after all, if feminists (who claim they support both sexes) are going to be clamouring for equality; then shouldn't this aspect of life be looked at as well? or is it only a "disadvantage" if it doesn't benefit them?

#notallmen
This is basically where my line of questioning was heading.

My partner wants to get married so under the logic of OP she should bear the whole brunt of the cost of the entire day as it was her idea. That would be lovely wouldn't it?
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acupofgreentea
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I'm very pro-splitting the bill.
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theDanIdentity
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(Original post by Jebedee)
This is basically where my line of questioning was heading.

My partner wants to get married so under the logic of OP she should bear the whole brunt of the cost of the entire day as it was her idea. That would be lovely wouldn't it?
ironically, women also want kids.

using ops' logic; then THEY must bear the cost of raising the kid; from birth to adulthood.

i'm talking: monetary cost, emotional cost; social cost; e.t.c. the kid must be raised entirely BY the female.

not a very smart logic is it
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