When your bf has literally slept with all the girls in the room Watch
Well, okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit by making it sound like I was in a room full of girls my husband slept with, but I'm not lying either. This happened last weekend. Let me set the scene for you.
My bf and I, as well as our baby boy, have been living in a foreign country for some time now. We have been keeping to ourselves and, though not lonely, we have been missing the warmth of our family and friends. People in this country can be a bit brash (sorry but it's true) and it's just been hard to make any connections. So by pure coincidence, we found out last week that an old friend is living TWO HOURS away from us! Let's call her Claire. So uncanny, and so weird. Living basically next door, with her boyfriend whom we've never met. We all got together the very next day.
Now Claire is really more of an old friend of my bf’s than mine. I met her 5 years ago and got along quite well with her, which was not difficult as she has a sunny disposition and we are both musicians of the same genre. (As is my bf). Insta-connection! But sometime between first meeting her, and meeting her a second time just last weekend, I happened to find out, during some 'sexy storytelling time 'between my bf and I, that she and my bf hooked up once or twice, long before he met me.
Now I'll add a couple things about this hookup. My bf had just broken up with his ex; he was on a music tour with Claire, therefore away from home; kinda feeling down; they were both drunk. It was kind of a comfort thing, as he wasn't really and isn't attracted to her. Claire is from the same part of the world he's from (a pretty small island), yadayada. There's no need to justify it. But it sets the scene. This wasn't an act of love. They decided there was nothing to pursue from then on, nothing other than friendship, at least.
So fast forward to last Friday night. Bf is in disbelief that Claire and her bf are living so close to us! As am I, but I have some reservations about the whole thing. I am remembering all the details from above paragraph. I wouldn’t call it jealousy, exactly, as I know my bf has no feelings for her, and our own relationship is very strong. But there was something in me not entirely comfortable with the idea of meeting up with them. Yet another part of me was simply dying to. Anyway, I shared my feelings with bf. “Wouldn’t it be a little weird, given your history?” I asked him. He was confused at first, so I had to clarify. He brushed it off and reaffirmed everything he had said before. ‘I was drunk’, etc. I have no reason to doubt his word. In no way did he force me to have these guests over. He was ready to forget about it as soon as I brought up his ‘history’. Then I said, ‘Nah it’s fine. It would be nice to have people over. And it would be nice for our son to spend time with other people.’
I’m sorry to disappoint if you think this is going to be some hot foursome fantasy story. It has the perfect set up. But alas, it is not at all. The visit was pretty uneventful in this regard. We had a lovely time. The boys cooked while the girls chatted. The four of us (well five including the baby) were pretty new to this foreign country and had many stories and experiences to share. I think my bf talked to Claire’s bf more than he did to her. Being longtime friends though, some elements of the past unavoidably surfaced, but it was totally fine and Claire’s bf and I were humoured. My own bf recounted to them how he and I met, which was really sweet. The guests seemed happily in love with each other. We played music. They stayed the night, then left before noon.
The next day I started thinking things that I hadn’t thought during the visit.Things you may have expected me to think, but given the fun times had, my head had no room for such thoughts. The day after that these things were still on my mind, as well as the day after that. I’ll elaborate. It starts with the title of this post. I started thinking about how my bf had, quite literally, slept with all the girls in the room. And also how Claire had slept with all the boys in the room. I know that’s not saying much. That is only saying that they have each slept with 2 people who find themselves in the same room at the same time. It happens. But this situation would lend itself well to making comparisons, would it not? They’ve seen each other naked, way before the other bf and I came into the picture. It’s like they got first dibs on each other. Weird, right? Wouldn’t most guys feel smug about such a situation? Isn’t it a fundamentally biological, primitive thing? Heck, as a female, I probably would feel a little smug about that. Yet, strangely, no smugness could be detected off either one of them! And how could they so expertly go on socializing without the slightest bit of awkwardness? Or maybe there was a hint of awkwardness, which manifested itself in a subtler way. Remember how I said that Claire and I talked to each other more than she and my bf did? Maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe not. Anyway, it just got me thinking that if I were in my bf’s situation, I would probably have been blushing a lot more. He did admit after the guests left that he was exhausted, his introverted mind finding get-togethers of the sort tiring.
I kinda started obsessing about these sort of thoughts. Mostly pertaining to sex. They haunted me as I did the dishes today, for instance. I wondered why. And that’s partly my question here. But first, here are some possibilities for why I was analyzing all of this so much. More possibilities are possible!
1: I find the past intriguing. I have always wondered, actually, about my bf’s past. There is an age gap of over 10 years between us, so he has had a lot more relationships/encounters/sex than me! I do wish sometimes that I had more of my own experiences. Just for the sake of matching up a bit to his own. I only had 2 bfs prior to him and only had sex with one of them. And only twice! Though I am perfectly content with our current sex life, part of me wishes I had explored a bit more, as he got to do!
2: Perhaps I am wondering why he doesn’t react differently to this sort of thing. Why is it such a small deal to meet up with an old friend/hook up? I would act like a blushing, blustering fool! Why does this whole thing mean way more to me than to him?
3: My relationship with guys has been an issue for us in the past. And rightly so, I suppose. I’d be friendly in a perfectly innocent way, and guys began flirting, and something would happen. Nothing big, but some weird comment would slip out or something, indicating that the guy wanted more than friendship. It caused a bit of tension in our relationship, but it’s water under the bridge now. But as a result, I think I’ve been very conservative with males. To the point where I don’t even feel all that comfortable with them. This is in no way my bf’s fault. He never asked that I stay away from guys, but of course he wished that I stayed away from awkward situations, out of protectiveness. So, 'awkward me' never mastered the skill of having guy friends. So my thought here, is that I feel a bit put off, perhaps, that he can maintain this friendship with Claire, whereas me keeping in touch with my ex was weird for him back in the day. I must clarify that it was different, as my ex was probably keeping tabs on me, but still I wish that, well, I don’t know. I wish I had a cool guy friend that I wouldn’t feel like blushing over in my bf’s presence. It’s unfamiliar territory.
Ok I think I gave you my entire life story here. If you’ve read this far, you are awesome.
Any comments welcomed. Just trying to gain some perspective on why this has been on my mind so much, and if anyone has experienced something similar.
Honestly, talk to him and tell him everything you feel
As for number 2, maybe he's come to terms with it and doesn't feel anything at all, like he said before, so I could see why a guy would not react or anything like that.