The Student Room Group

How to explain that I hate being stood up even if he apologizes

Hi,

My boyfriend and I are at different unis and so that we don't waste the entire day talking on MSN, we plan to 'meet up online' at a particular time. But he rarely ever comes online, usually because he just forgot or alternatively because he forgot that he has some kind of a commitment for that time. Sometimes he actually says "I have volleyball", but doesn't say when and then makes an appointment with me and doesn't come and then says "I told you that I had volleyball!", but he didn't say when. And so I come online and wait for ages and he doesn't come until hours later and he says sorry and explains and I always say it's fine but in reality it really gets me down. I've told him this before, but he says "I'm sorry, I forgot" as if apologizing solved everything. I'm really in love with him and I look forward to us talking for the whole day and then when he makes me wait it really disrupts my studying because I am completely paralyzed.

Another problem is that I've been suffering from really negative moods lately. I'm barely ever just happy, there's always an undercurrent of negative emotion and a lot of the time I'm deeply sad.

Just looking for some help on both issues.

Oh, and before anyone asks about how old I am, I am 19 in the first year at uni.

Thanks **
Reply 1
can you not get him to text you when hes online and free to speak or something?
but you should tell him youre not happy with him leaving you waiting. you can forgive the occasional but not all the time. just tell him what youve said here and hope he understands :smile:
Firstly you're probably a tad insecure at being apart. Away from home as well so feeling low is sometimes expected in the first year.

Rather than just sit and wait for him on the internet, can you not just call him straight away and find out if he's doing anything? Otherwise you just sit feeling lonely and wandering if anyone knows you exist.

Getting out of that feeling blue mood is difficult, very difficult. My best advise is dont spend time doing stuff which makes you feel down. We sometimes get drawn into feeling low by ourselves coz for some reason, we want to be low. When my girlfriend went to Austrailia for 7 weeks last summer, i was very down, had issues at work too and just altogether low. I made myself upset by sitting and feeling sorry for myself and playing songs which made me upset and think of her. Dont do this, it doesn't help. Keep your self occupied and speak to your boy friend about it.

Let him know you feel low and that you need his support, and that him not responding to you isn't helping.
Reply 3
Neither of us has a phone, hehe.
Reply 4
Thanks, Darren Mark, your advice is really useful, actually.
Just dont feel sorry for yourself! It achieve's jack all and only makes you feel ten times worse.

Dont what to suggest if you ain't got a phone, apart from buy one, lol sorry Only that if you both aint got one, then tell him he needs to commit to talking to you more and he's not being reliable enough
It's hardly standing you up is he? If he's got Uni, volleyball and other stuff then maybe he gets carried away and doesn't realise what the time is.

If you have a mobile, which I'm guessing you both do, why don't you look at contracts? They start from very little these days, so are student friendly, this would mean free minutes to ring him up! At least then you either know if he's there or not.

If he doensn't come online why would you sit there for hours anyway waiting? Just get on with other stuff if he's forgotten.

EDIT: Just saw you don't have a phone?! tut tut. Well you'll both be home for summer soon, so assuming you have the same home town, enjoy yourselves and buy a cheap phone and get a cheap contract each in preperation for September!
The two problems go hand in hand. If you're happy in yourself you won't sit around wondering if he's going to turn up. Do your own thing and talk to him when you are free!