My parents won't leave me alone!

Ok, here's a bit of a rant because my parents are p*ssing me off.

I'm turning 18 in about 6 weeks and for my birthday I've said to my parents I want to go to the theatre (instead of anything like a big party or anything like that), but we were talking about it and it comes into the conversation that they're expecting my mother to go with me. Thing is she's come EVERYWHERE with me, seriously, like my last two concerts she had to come with me (otherwise i wasn't going) despite them being birthday presents, she came with me to the musical Wicked when we went in Feb (a late xmas present) and I said nothing.

This time i just said 'can't i go with my friend?' and the conversation goes quiet, my mother then goes 'why can't i go with you?'. Well it's one thing that she's my mother and bloody embarrassing because she's not exactly a 'cool' mother, but i'd just like to go with someone who doesn't end the night with 'it was good, but....'. I said to her 'what would she have liked to do when she was my age; go with a friend or her mother (my grandma)?' and she goes quiet and finally goes 'well i never had the chance' because she's said time and time before that my grandma and my aunt (her sister) always went out together and never invited my mum along (which i don't know whether she's lying or not, but she's one to blow things out of proportion, put it that way). So i'm guessing that's why she's trying so hard with me - my dad and brother do things together all the time, and i just know it p*sses her off that i'm trying to get away.

I really don't know what to do, they're paying for everything and probably taking me there in their car. They've said that IF i do go with my mate then she's got to pay for herself, which isn't fair to ask her to do, but i dont' want to go with my mum, but i also really don't want to miss out. No amount of talking will change their minds.

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Reply 1

Darren Marc

Dont hate your mum coz she cares for you - yes they can be annoying but sometimes in life you have to do things to please other people whether you want to do it or not, thats just life unfortunately. If she's paying and wants to go, then she can go if she wants. Sorry, I'm gonna sound sad now, but she's your mum, its your birthday, she raised you, why shouldn't she go?

Reply 2

The Little Mermaid

You'll be off to uni soon. This may be one of those memories you can't make up. It sounds like your mum had it harsh when she was your age and wished her mother was around half as much as she is. Sort of trying to make up for it, you know? I would say to bring up having two seperate birthday events. One thing just for you and her, the other for you and a friend. Then everybody is happy and you get to have twice the fun :wink:

Plus it'll show that, while you're still growing up, you'll always be her little girl, and that's probably all she really wants to hear.

Reply 3

Double Agent

Maybe you should explain that thats something you would like to do with friends, but that you will do something else to celebrate your birthday with your parents, dinner or something, just to include them as well.

Reply 4

Bubblebee

At least you got presents like that, I mean there are people who wouldn't get much more than a card for their birthday.
And you do have the rest of your life to do things on your own, your mum sounds like she just wants to make the most of the time she has till you move out. I wish my parents had done stuff like that for me.

Reply 5

ph9

what you're all saying is well and true and all of that but, to be fair, the op is turning 18 and, well, i think a LOT of mothers would love to be there for their children's 18th but, you know, it's just... it sounds as though your mum's finding it hard to let go, in a sense. doesn't realise you're old enough to take care of yourself and perhaps doesn't trust the WORLD enough i suppose to let you go out there on your own doing stuff.

explain to her you feel suffocated and like a baby being treated like this and you really appreciate that she cares so much but you'd like it if she trusted you and it would be better for her in the long run, no?

Reply 6

silverbolt

Hev456

They've said that IF i do go with my mate then she's got to pay for herself, which isn't fair to ask her to do,

why isnt it fair, why should your mum pay for your friend? If you think its that unfair on your friend pay for her yourself.

Its your mum shes paying for you to go where you want to go, she just wants to come with her child.

If theres no chance of her changing her mind then all you can do is put up and shut up. At least your mom cares enough to come with you, there are to many parents who simply dont bother with thier kids.

How does your brother feel about hanging with your dad?

Reply 7

MichailZ

It's your 18th Birthday - a big day, I would say!

Don't spend it doing something you can do anytime, and don't spend it without your parents, it's a big day for them too! Have the big party, invite your friends, make it a family thing!

It's a big day for you, as well as them, make the most of it!

Michael

Reply 8

ph9

^ you really need to tutor me in mechanics

Reply 9

Louise88

You mum just loves you, thats all. Don't be mad at her for it, she just cares about you and wants to spend time with you. Saying that, you are nearly 18 years old and it's time you got out there and did things with your friends. I know it's frustrating, I would go insane if my mother was like that with me, but she really does have your best interests at heart. Keep speaking to her, see if you two can come to an agreement. See if you can do something with your parents, something like going out for lunch or dinner and then going to this concert with a friend. Try and work around things, but include your parents at the same time because like someone has already said, it's a big day for them too, their child is turning 18 and that doesn't happen everyday. It's your birthday, and I do believe that at your age you should be allowed to do these things without your parents but they just care about you, they need to let go a little bit and realise that you're an adult and you deserve to have your freedom.

Reply 10

Tag

if your mother is struggling with letting you go (to be honest i don't know one person who celebrated their 18th with their parents bar me, and that was because it was exam leave and none of my friends were 18 yet so we couldn't go out, and I had already spent the day in bed ill. but apart from that everyone seems to go out drinking).
more to the point, if it's such an issue, why don't you do something special with your mom, just the two of you, say a meal or shopping or something, and you and a friend go out together and pay for yourselves? seem fair no?

Reply 11

Bubblebee

Vera5018

That must be horrible !!!
If I were you, I would tell her that you're going alone or not going at all.

Ever heard of cutting your nose off to spite your face?

Reply 12

cpj1987

On my 18th, I wanted to go out with my friends to the pub. I told this to my Mum, who I wasn't close with at the time, and she looked disappointed but said that it was fine.
At the time, I thought that disappointment was pointless - I couldn't imagine ever wanting to spend time with my Mum like that, I felt like she'd be embarrassing me too.
Anyway, since I got to uni I learnt to appreciate her a lot more - you won't believe the shock I gave her when I heard about a Jason Donovan concert on near where she lived (she loved him when she was younger, not my kind of music), and phoned her up asking if we could go together when I went to visit over the summer.
What I'm saying is, appreciate that your Mum wants to spend this time with you now; and find the time for her even if it's at a seperate time. You'll regret it later if you don't.

Reply 13

coloursonthetv

Hev456

They've said that IF i do go with my mate then she's got to pay for herself, which isn't fair to ask her to do, but i dont' want to go with my mum, but i also really don't want to miss out.

What are you going to see? Why should they pay for you to go anyway let alone a friend. Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean they should fork out a lot for a big party or the theatre instead.

Even if they choose to pay for you and take you in the car which is very considerate why should they pay extra money for your friend to go when they're getting nothing in return?

I don't really see why you're Mum going with you to the theatre is a big deal and if you're going away to University soon (like your sig says) maybe she just wants to make the most of the time that she has left with you.

It's not exactly like you've said "Right for my birthday I want to go to X club/pub" and your Mum is insisting on going because then I can see why you perhaps wouldn't want your Mum sharing in your celebration of being legal to drink! (If you do.)

I say stop being so selfish and more grateful that your parents are willing to pay for such expenses and obviously care about you :rolleyes:

Reply 14

devilgirl999

i think that the op is in the right shes 18 for gods sake why shouldnt she do this one thing on her own without her mum, her mum needs to learn that she cant be with her daughter all the time, and not paying for the friend sounds like shes just being plain spiteful, cos ive no doubt if the mum was going as well she'd pay for a friend to go too.

Reply 15

coloursonthetv

devilgirl999

So she can give birth to, raise, feed, clothe, make sure the OP gets a good education, look after her, give her everything she could want for (concerts etc) but then not spend the day with her own daughter on her 18th? I think it's really unfair of the OP to not include her Mum when she'll get a lot of freedom at University.

I also think it's spoilt of her to expect her Mum to pay for her. If she's 18 and wants freedom then she should get a job and pay for herself to go!

Reply 16

Meep!

I feel really sorry for your mum, actually.

and she goes quiet and finally goes 'well i never had the chance' because she's said time and time before that my grandma and my aunt (her sister) always went out together and never invited my mum along (which i don't know whether she's lying or not

Do you honestly think she's lying here? Why would she do that? I think this is just so, so sad, and frankly I think that you should let her go with you.

Ok, so parents can be a bit of a hinderance sometimes, but you are so lucky that you have parents who love you and WANT to spend time with you. A lot of people don't have that privilage.

Reply 17

cutcopy

I frankly think it would be hilarious if my mum came to gigs with me.

And stagedived.

Wait, that would just be weird.

Reply 18

coloursonthetv

Journalistix

I frankly think it would be hilarious if my mum came to gigs with me.

And stagedived.

Wait, that would just be weird.

Depends on what the 'concerts' are and when the 'last' ones were as a date was never stated! The OP could have been 7! Haha :smile:

If it's a gig then definitely my Mum wouldn't go. If she liked the same music then fair enough but I've got a group of friends who I would usually go with, if it was someone big, once in a life time seeing gig and my Mum did like the same music (or any music! :rolleyes:

) then I don't see why not.

I don't mean to be stereotypical but 'concert' and 'theatre' prove the OP is perhaps well educated, so maybe it wasn't the idea of a 'gig' most of us will be envisioning. It could be something classical or a composer rather than the latest band of X genre.

Reply 19

foxiroxi

I neber got to do what I wanted to do for my 18th because my mum didn't want to.

For my 19th I went away...For my 20th I'm hoping I get what I want!!!!

Also if I wanted to go to the theartre on my birthday the whole family would go along. For my brtohers birthday he wanted to go bowling and it was me, our parents and my boyfriend who went :eek: