Tricky Situation - mates in a strange relationship

I'm a bit concerned about two of my mates from home who are in a relationship together. On the face of it, the situation is quite simple: the girl, Tira, is Indian and Sikh, and can't tell her parents about her boyfriend Nate because he is white and she is worried about their reaction. She also can't tell her friends in case it travels back through the Indian community to them. Tira and Nate have been together for about a year and seem quite serious about each other.

However. Tira has been talking to a mutual friend (repeatedly, over the course of the last two terms) and told her that she actually doesn't like Nate all that much and sees him as very much a short term thing. Apparently her parents aren't that strict and really wouldn't mind her going out with a white boy, as long as she was happy. She says that she really fancies another Indian boy. Our problem: is she saying this just to "be cool", or is this really how she feels?

The other, quite serious, problem is that Tira is much wealthier than Nate. Nate is spending most of his time working jobs just trying to keep up with her spending (shopping sprees in London, etc). He has spent all of his student loan and has currently maxxed out three credit cards, meaning that he probably owes about £16000 in credit cards alone, never mind the interest which piles up each month, and his overdraft. He has mentioned "when we're married" and things to her, which apparently "Freaks her out".

My question is, should I mention something to her? I obviously can't say anything to Nate as he would immediately be defensive and angry and upset (obviously). Should I ask Tira whether she sees the relationship as short or long term, and if she replies short term, ask her whether she thinks she should make this plain to Nate and stop leading him on? He is in a serious amount of debt and is starting to really isolate himself, spending time only with her and never really with anybody else. I'm just worried that he's going to end up completely bankrupt, with no friends, and heartbroken when she leaves him for either another Indian guy or one with money to match hers. It's a tricky situation. What do you guys think?

Reply 1

College Guy 1987

2

I'd stay out of it - wouldn't want to complicate matters by putting my foot in it.

Reply 2

Shockley

15

Yeah I'd steer well clear. Best to leave them to sort it out themselves, anyone else gets involved and it'll turn into a right old drama.

Reply 3

hippieglitter

19

Stay out at the moment, but be there for him when it does inevitably end. Why is he trying to keep up with her spending, is he spending money on her or is she spending his money, if so, is he mad? My boyfriend wouldn't spend money he didn't have on me and i wouldn't want him to.

Reply 4

Little Girl Red

OP

1

She makes him spend money on her - presents, buying her meals, etc. It's what she's used to, I think.
I was originally inclined to stay well out of it too, but I've kind of realised just how heartbroken he would be and how humiliated if he found out that we all knew she didn't love him, and that we hadn't said anything to him.

Reply 5

yenohcif

i wouldn't never and ever interfere with my friends or mate relationship. so i guess you just better stay out of it. untill nate or your two friends ask for your help

Tricky Situation - mates in a strange relationship

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