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help! need advice on my breakup
My boyfriend and I just broke up last week..(we broke up because we fight everday about little and big things) We had been going out for over a year and we go to school together.
We would see each other more than once a day. Now that I don't see him anymore, i don't know what to do with myself. I cry all the time, and all I think about is wanting to be with him. What I REALLY want to do is just shut him out of my life, because I think that will make him want to talk to me more- but I can't find the power to do so. I feel so pathetic, but i guess being with him all the time has made me dependent on him.
(Also, I don't have many friends at school this semester, )all my roommates are studying elsewhere until next semester) so I am pretty lonely, and I can't find ways to distract myself.
He tells me how tempting it is for him to want to jump back into our relationship, and that he loves me, and has good times with me, and that he wont look for anyone else- but then he says that we need time apart.
I am afraid that if i give him time apart he will realize how much more time he has to do his own thing- and never want to come back to me (he is more independent than I am) I feel like i cry all the time about this, and he just gets frustrated with me saying he doesnt want to talk about it.
help, i need advice! i am so depressed i just dont know what to do
We would see each other more than once a day. Now that I don't see him anymore, i don't know what to do with myself. I cry all the time, and all I think about is wanting to be with him. What I REALLY want to do is just shut him out of my life, because I think that will make him want to talk to me more- but I can't find the power to do so. I feel so pathetic, but i guess being with him all the time has made me dependent on him.
(Also, I don't have many friends at school this semester, )all my roommates are studying elsewhere until next semester) so I am pretty lonely, and I can't find ways to distract myself.
He tells me how tempting it is for him to want to jump back into our relationship, and that he loves me, and has good times with me, and that he wont look for anyone else- but then he says that we need time apart.
I am afraid that if i give him time apart he will realize how much more time he has to do his own thing- and never want to come back to me (he is more independent than I am) I feel like i cry all the time about this, and he just gets frustrated with me saying he doesnt want to talk about it.
help, i need advice! i am so depressed i just dont know what to do
hey, sorry to hear about this.
basically i think you need to try and move on, at the end of the day constant fighting is not healthy, neither is spending so much time with one person. like you have said you became dependent on him. you need to try and make new friends, socialise ya know.
things are tough at the mo, that is the nature of break ups, they suck, but at the end of the day someone else will come along, i mean you will constantly meet new people.
just vent your sadness and try and move on, best thing you can do.
basically i think you need to try and move on, at the end of the day constant fighting is not healthy, neither is spending so much time with one person. like you have said you became dependent on him. you need to try and make new friends, socialise ya know.
things are tough at the mo, that is the nature of break ups, they suck, but at the end of the day someone else will come along, i mean you will constantly meet new people.
just vent your sadness and try and move on, best thing you can do.
what i'd suggest is totally starting again. ask him out on a date - go to the cinema, have a meal, go for a walk, don't kiss or cuddle or hold hands - instead flirt with each other -
then have a second date etc etc
that way you're getting to know each other all over again and by spending small amounts of time together you can remember why you loved each other in the first place!
then gradually rebuild the relationship as though it were brand new! and don't pressue him - pressure might make him decide something that he doesnt really want.
good luck
then have a second date etc etc
that way you're getting to know each other all over again and by spending small amounts of time together you can remember why you loved each other in the first place!
then gradually rebuild the relationship as though it were brand new! and don't pressue him - pressure might make him decide something that he doesnt really want.
good luck
Whatever you do don't get back with him. The arguements will just start again and when you breakup again (you will definately) you will be more hurt. He is probably only saying he loves you and wants you back because he can't find or even can't be bothered to find a new girlfriend. He will probably keep you as backup if you do get back with him until someone else comes a long. My ex was like this (he found someone else while we were together and that hurt me) but moving on away from him was the best thing I did. Like you I got very attached to him and I felt depressed for a few months afterwards.
Best thing you can do is cut him out of your life and try to move on. Delete his number (change your sim card if need be), block his email and just don't talk to him. Do you have friends on your course? Go out with them as much as possible. Even try to get stuck in with work for school. It will take awhile but you will do fine and find someone who will treat you better. I now have a boyfriend who is genuine and loves me very much for who I am. I am no stand by or backup for him.
Best thing you can do is cut him out of your life and try to move on. Delete his number (change your sim card if need be), block his email and just don't talk to him. Do you have friends on your course? Go out with them as much as possible. Even try to get stuck in with work for school. It will take awhile but you will do fine and find someone who will treat you better
. I now have a boyfriend who is genuine and loves me very much for who I am. I am no stand by or backup for him.
Purple-Sparkle
Whatever you do don't get back with him. The arguements will just start again and when you breakup again (you will definitely) you will be more hurt. He is probably only saying he loves you and wants you back because he can't find or even can't be bothered to find a new girlfriend. He will probably keep you as backup if you do get back with him until someone else comes a long. My ex was like this (he found someone else while we were together and that hurt me) but moving on away from him was the best thing I did. Like you I got very attached to him and I felt depressed for a few months afterwards.
Best thing you can do is cut him out of your life and try to move on. Delete his number (change your sim card if need be), block his email and just don't talk to him. Do you have friends on your course? Go out with them as much as possible. Even try to get stuck in with work for school. It will take awhile but you will do fine and find someone who will treat you better. I now have a boyfriend who is genuine and loves me very much for who I am. I am no stand by or backup for him.
Best thing you can do is cut him out of your life and try to move on. Delete his number (change your sim card if need be), block his email and just don't talk to him. Do you have friends on your course? Go out with them as much as possible. Even try to get stuck in with work for school. It will take awhile but you will do fine and find someone who will treat you better
. I now have a boyfriend who is genuine and loves me very much for who I am. I am no stand by or backup for him.ffs, whatever.
He sounds like a decent bloke and just because they have started arguing all the time doesn't necesserily mean their relationship is doomed. One year is a long time and he sounds like he cares about her.
Clearly you've had a bad experience with a crap excuse for a bloke but some people do work it out. I think the above poster's advice is best (babybee or something?) but only after you spend a little time apart as you do sound quite dependent.
If you both do want to try again after a week or two take it back a few steps. Go out for dates and talk to each other about what is going wrong/how you can make it better. Only then you will be able to tell if it's worth giving it a shot.
Personally I've experienced both a good and bad 'tryin again' situation after numerous fights. The first was with a long-term boyfriend (of about 3 years) and trying again didn't help at all. It was clear we weren't compatible and despite being quite dependent on him it was time to say goodbye.
The second relationship, also long-term, was in a pretty bad way and we would have broken up had I not suggested doing the above and seeing where it left us. That has gone well and despite the bickering/some bloody serious fights we have almost gone back to how we were at the beginning.
Argueing can be two things really.
Either your bored and want to end the relationship but can't so you keep starting arguments so it has to finsih
Or you don't know eachother because you've done everything, talked about everything and have nothing left.
The second one can possibly have the relationship brought back by starting again however maybe a few weeks break is in order first to see if you still feel the same way in time after the break up.
Either your bored and want to end the relationship but can't so you keep starting arguments so it has to finsih
Or you don't know eachother because you've done everything, talked about everything and have nothing left.
The second one can possibly have the relationship brought back by starting again however maybe a few weeks break is in order first to see if you still feel the same way in time after the break up.
asl_39
My boyfriend and I just broke up last week..(we broke up because we fight everday about little and big things) We had been going out for over a year and we go to school together.
We would see each other more than once a day. Now that I don't see him anymore, i don't know what to do with myself. I cry all the time, and all I think about is wanting to be with him. What I REALLY want to do is just shut him out of my life, because I think that will make him want to talk to me more- but I can't find the power to do so. I feel so pathetic, but i guess being with him all the time has made me dependent on him.
(Also, I don't have many friends at school this semester, )all my roommates are studying elsewhere until next semester) so I am pretty lonely, and I can't find ways to distract myself.
He tells me how tempting it is for him to want to jump back into our relationship, and that he loves me, and has good times with me, and that he wont look for anyone else- but then he says that we need time apart.
I am afraid that if i give him time apart he will realize how much more time he has to do his own thing- and never want to come back to me (he is more independent than I am) I feel like i cry all the time about this, and he just gets frustrated with me saying he doesnt want to talk about it.
help, i need advice! i am so depressed i just dont know what to do
We would see each other more than once a day. Now that I don't see him anymore, i don't know what to do with myself. I cry all the time, and all I think about is wanting to be with him. What I REALLY want to do is just shut him out of my life, because I think that will make him want to talk to me more- but I can't find the power to do so. I feel so pathetic, but i guess being with him all the time has made me dependent on him.
(Also, I don't have many friends at school this semester, )all my roommates are studying elsewhere until next semester) so I am pretty lonely, and I can't find ways to distract myself.
He tells me how tempting it is for him to want to jump back into our relationship, and that he loves me, and has good times with me, and that he wont look for anyone else- but then he says that we need time apart.
I am afraid that if i give him time apart he will realize how much more time he has to do his own thing- and never want to come back to me (he is more independent than I am) I feel like i cry all the time about this, and he just gets frustrated with me saying he doesnt want to talk about it.
help, i need advice! i am so depressed i just dont know what to do
I broke up with my ex and felt exactly the same as you. After being miserable for weeks, we got back together, and d'you know what, things were never the same. I suppose on some level I never quite forgave him for how he treated me when we broke up that first time.
I guess what I'm saying, is that most of the time, when couples break up, they do so for a reason. Unless you can pinpoin that cause and work on it, if you get back together, your time together is limited because the problems will all kick off again eventually. Maybe not straight away... I mean, I stayed with my ex for a further two years after that until I realised there was nothing left.
I know you're feeling miserable, so lots of hugs to you. It's only naturally to start neglecting friends when you're in a new and exciting relationship, so pick yourself up, and go out and re-establish contact. They'll forgive you.
Don't decide to jump back into a relationship with your (ex) boyfriend when you're feeling this down, as you're not going to make a rational decision on what's best for you. Take some time to recover and feel comfortable in yourself. You might realise it's the idea of being in a relationship that you miss, rather than specifically being in a relationship with him.
Ok, lots of conflicting advice going on in this thread...my ex broke up with me really suddenly, we'd argue a lot, but we'd always be ok afterwards, so it came as a huge shock to me. For the first 2 weeks I was crying and being sick and I just felt generally awful, nothing anyone could do/say would make me feel any better. (he dumped me 2 days before my GCSEs...)
However, I moved on and 2 months later met up with a really lovely guy I used to know when I was younger and we've been together since! So I went back to sixth form after the summer holidays with a new boyfriend he was completely pissed, not that he still liked me of course, he was just jealous that he dumped me and I found someone else quicker than he did.
I know it's really hard right now to think about moving on, and you probably feel like you'll never be able to, but you will eventually, if you choose to.
But you were together a long time, and it seems like things might be able to be worked out between you. My ex wasn't even open for negotiation there...it was basically, your attitude made me dump you, but he never gave me a chance to change. Men, eh? Take some time apart, busy yourself with other things and friends, you can try again with your boyfriend if you both want to after that. Don't worry about him going off you and not wanting to come back to a relationship with you - after all, if he does that, then is he really worth being with?
If he does come back and all works out well, then great, good for you. If not, then draw a line under it, write it off as experience and don't look back. You'll be fine.
However, I moved on and 2 months later met up with a really lovely guy I used to know when I was younger and we've been together since! So I went back to sixth form after the summer holidays with a new boyfriend he was completely pissed, not that he still liked me of course, he was just jealous that he dumped me and I found someone else quicker than he did.
I know it's really hard right now to think about moving on, and you probably feel like you'll never be able to, but you will eventually, if you choose to.
But you were together a long time, and it seems like things might be able to be worked out between you. My ex wasn't even open for negotiation there...it was basically, your attitude made me dump you, but he never gave me a chance to change. Men, eh? Take some time apart, busy yourself with other things and friends, you can try again with your boyfriend if you both want to after that. Don't worry about him going off you and not wanting to come back to a relationship with you - after all, if he does that, then is he really worth being with?
If he does come back and all works out well, then great, good for you. If not, then draw a line under it, write it off as experience and don't look back. You'll be fine.
Stuff like this is crap and big hugs to you, hang in there!
In my opinion, petty arguments often stem from a problem that is much bigger (e.g. if you argue because he didn't throw away his empty beer bottles or something, this can be seen as a 'petty' argument, but it could actually be stemming from you thinking he NEVER tidies up and makes you feel like you have to do it.) So in order to stop arguing about everyday things, try and get to the bottom of the bigger issues
Another thing - its very easy to want to jump back into the relationship. Of course you both still want each other, just because you've broken up it doesnt necessarily mean the love and affection isnt there anymore. BUT i think you should let it rest for a couple of months. Making a decision when you're both upset and heartbroken isnt best (speaking from experience here lol), you both need to be rational. If you do decide to give it a go again, make sure it's after a few months (this way both of ur heads will have cleared a bit more) and try to tackle the underlying issues that made u argue with each other in the first place xx
In my opinion, petty arguments often stem from a problem that is much bigger (e.g. if you argue because he didn't throw away his empty beer bottles or something, this can be seen as a 'petty' argument, but it could actually be stemming from you thinking he NEVER tidies up and makes you feel like you have to do it.) So in order to stop arguing about everyday things, try and get to the bottom of the bigger issues
Another thing - its very easy to want to jump back into the relationship. Of course you both still want each other, just because you've broken up it doesnt necessarily mean the love and affection isnt there anymore. BUT i think you should let it rest for a couple of months. Making a decision when you're both upset and heartbroken isnt best (speaking from experience here lol), you both need to be rational. If you do decide to give it a go again, make sure it's after a few months (this way both of ur heads will have cleared a bit more) and try to tackle the underlying issues that made u argue with each other in the first place xx
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