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    So my friend asked me out today. I'd kind of been expecting it to be honest but was still surprised. We've been best friends for a long time, I mean there might be something there but it's hard to say for sure and I'v had bad experiences dating friends in the past. I could see something potentially developing but my relationship with this friend is very good though. if there was any friend i could imagine it working out with romantically it would be this person but still i guess i dont know if i should give it a shot or not. We have a good enough relationship that I'm fairly sure we can return to being best friends/acting the same way with each other if it doesnt work out romantically but i'd like to hear some opinions.
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    I'm just curious as to why you avoided the use of any pronouns.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I'm just curious as to why you avoided the use of any pronouns.

    Idk if my friend uses this forum you see, trying to be ambiguous just in case...
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    For matters of the heart - you should follow your heart.
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    Don't go there,bad idea if it doesn't work out
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    Go with your instincts. Nobody can tell you how you should and shouldn't feel. You don't have to immediately decide, either. If he/she respects you they'll give you the space to think about it. And whatever conclusion you do come to, don't regret it. There's more likely of a chance you won't regret it if you go with your gut instincts and do what's best for you. Best of luck, OP.
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    (Original post by syntheticdescent)
    Go with your instincts. Nobody can tell you how you should and shouldn't feel. You don't have to immediately decide, either. If he/she respects you they'll give you the space to think about it. And whatever conclusion you do come to, don't regret it. There's more likely of a chance you won't regret it if you go with your gut instincts and do what's best for you. Best of luck, OP.

    Thank you for the advice I found it really helpful.

    You're right about not immediately deciding. i'm going to try to take my time to think about it some more and not rush into any decisions. I actually already said no to my friend, I said I didnt really see them as more than that, they took it really well but the truth is i'm reconsidering because i do feel like there might be something and i'v started to imagine what it might be like taking our relationship further- in every way we're so compatible, we've basically gone on hundreds of platonic 'dates' and we enjoy each other's company a lot. our relationship is very close yet laid-back, i'm worried about that changing but at the same time it's the exact kind of relationship i would like to have with a potential partner.

    my friend 'is' attractive so its not a case of me not being attracted, but we've just been such close friends for so long i just feel like i have to take some extra time to really sort through my feelings and make sure I can see a future with this person before i make a decision.
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    I admire your confidence in things returning to 'normal' should things not work out, and who knows, that may be the case.

    If 'they' have asked you out and you say no, then I would suggest taking a break from the friendship while they get over it.

    And remember that life is short.
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    This ends in two ways:

    1) you sing along to teenage dream by Katy Perry and everything is wonderful.

    2) you sing along to when I find love again by James Blunt because you've lost a friend.

    Tread carefully.

    I told a friend how I felt about him. It was late at night, I was crying and he was just there being wonderful and I took the crazy chance and just did it- but it pushed us further away from each other. He distanced because he later realized that I was in love with him, but it was harder for me because felt like I'd also lost a friend and it really does change things. Now things are just awkward between us.
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    This ends in two ways:

    1) you sing along to teenage dream by Katy Perry and everything is wonderful.

    2) you sing along to when I find love again by James Blunt because you've lost a friend.

    Tread carefully.

    I told a friend how I felt about him. It was late at night, I was crying and he was just there being wonderful and I took the crazy chance and just did it- but it pushed us further away from each other. He distanced because he later realized that I was in love with him, but it was harder for me because felt like I'd also lost a friend and it really does change things. Now things are just awkward between us.
    I'm really sorry to hear that happened between you and your friend ): I dont think it was very nice of him to distance himself like that when he's supposed to be your friend, but i guess it's healthier that those feelings came out and you're able to have closure. You'll find the right person soon.

    I think it's slightly different in my situation because from what I know anyway there's a big difference between having romantic feelings for someone and having romantic 'interest' in someone? Interest is more about feeling like there is a potential for feelings to develop i think.

    I definitely don't think my friend is in love with me from what I know (could be wrong but its unlikely) My friend asked me in a very casual way and really seemed to be putting a lot of effort not to make me feel pressured or awkward/insisted that they wouldnt be upset if i said no and that nothing would change between us. when i said no they didnt act awkward or heartbroken and we just changed the topic. they've actually been really respectful of my feelings about it which i really appreciated and we've continued talking like nothing happened but in the midst of it i'v seriously be re-evaluating my feelings and i've been starting to think i might have some 'interest' too.

    it's all just so confusing because i'v never had a reason to see my friend in that way before so it's all new and i guess i just have to decide whether or not i really can see my friend that way long term...

    thanks for your advice
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    Kinda damned if you do and damned if you don't. I mean if you really do like him then course go for it, but if you are not so sure then yes it is better to wait. Trouble is if it does go wrong then you lose a friend, this happened to me around Christmas.
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    Hmm... Well if you think there's genuinely a 'spark' or mutual interest then my honest advice is to go for it because i was in the exact situation.

    The key here is to establish a clear objective in the beginning;

    "we're going to give this a shot, i'm interested but lets be prepared for the chance that we're just not compatible romantically we can agree to go back to normal and be happy as friends?"

    Make sure you can both be mature and accept that. openness and honesty does wonders for any relationship.
    Yes there's the risk that it might not work out but you wont know until you try, and I genuinely think that as long as you're both mature and respect each other then you should be able to accept it if it turns out you're better as friends and then just go back to normal ^_^ with a really solid friendship it'll be something to giggle about together in the future.

    Dont listen to the people who say it'll either end in tears or blah blah blah, it doesnt have to be so melodramatic and no friendships have to be lost if you're both good friends and are mature. You never know what can happen if you never test the waters. You might very well end up with the love of your life and discover new depths to your relationship and feelings for each other.

    I encourage going for it because this is actually how I found the love of my life. We were friends for years, never considered each other in a romantic way. She started to show little 'hints' that her feelings were changing and then she was just open with me and said she was interested in 'seeing' if we could be more than friends. i was hesitant because our friendship meant a lot to me i was scared of losing her as a friend if it didnt work so we had a really open conversation about it and established very early on that our objective was to just test the waters and see if we can be more, that way we could both easily accept if it didn't work out romantically and then at least we would know that we were best as friends and we wouldnt let any awkwardness come into play.

    It helped that we were both very mature and open about it. The thing is, it's things like these that make life exciting and worth living. You need to take risks now and again and explore boundaries. If you're worried that it'll be awkward to see your friend in a romantic way or be intimate if you do go on a date then just know that it just takes a while to get used to be its really not a big deal and honestly isnt as awkward as you might think. if you do feel some attraction then it will only grow and you'll become closer each day until you cant even remember what it was like to just be friends.

    my partner and I have been together 4 years now and our relationship is strong as ever.
    Remember that feelings arent always static. Just because you never felt some way for someone before doesn't mean you wont in the future. I certainly never saw my friend in a romantic light before and now i cant even imagine what it was like not to love her.

    This might seem like a weird question, but do you have any interest in astrology at all?
    Yes a lot of people see it as a pseudo science, but its scary how accurate it can sometimes be. You might want to just check out you and your friend's signs compatibility online it can be fun to read about that stuff and might help in your decision process. Even if its all mumbo jumbo i think its pretty fun to look at astrology sometimes. you never know.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm really sorry to hear that happened between you and your friend ): I dont think it was very nice of him to distance himself like that when he's supposed to be your friend, but i guess it's healthier that those feelings came out and you're able to have closure. You'll find the right person soon.

    I think it's slightly different in my situation because from what I know anyway there's a big difference between having romantic feelings for someone and having romantic 'interest' in someone? Interest is more about feeling like there is a potential for feelings to develop i think.

    I definitely don't think my friend is in love with me from what I know (could be wrong but its unlikely) My friend asked me in a very casual way and really seemed to be putting a lot of effort not to make me feel pressured or awkward/insisted that they wouldnt be upset if i said no and that nothing would change between us. when i said no they didnt act awkward or heartbroken and we just changed the topic. they've actually been really respectful of my feelings about it which i really appreciated and we've continued talking like nothing happened but in the midst of it i'v seriously be re-evaluating my feelings and i've been starting to think i might have some 'interest' too.

    it's all just so confusing because i'v never had a reason to see my friend in that way before so it's all new and i guess i just have to decide whether or not i really can see my friend that way long term...

    thanks for your advice
    Lol I fell in love 2 months after- at the start as embarrassing as this sounds it was just "well I really like you and I've spent alot of time thinking about you and hoping that you'd sit next to me in class." we talked the next day after biochem lecture-just to make sure things weren't awkward between us and agreed that things were still cool. xD. Either way I hope it works out for you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for the advice I found it really helpful.

    You're right about not immediately deciding. i'm going to try to take my time to think about it some more and not rush into any decisions. I actually already said no to my friend, I said I didnt really see them as more than that, they took it really well but the truth is i'm reconsidering because i do feel like there might be something and i'v started to imagine what it might be like taking our relationship further- in every way we're so compatible, we've basically gone on hundreds of platonic 'dates' and we enjoy each other's company a lot. our relationship is very close yet laid-back, i'm worried about that changing but at the same time it's the exact kind of relationship i would like to have with a potential partner.

    my friend 'is' attractive so its not a case of me not being attracted, but we've just been such close friends for so long i just feel like i have to take some extra time to really sort through my feelings and make sure I can see a future with this person before i make a decision.
    That's fair. I'm sure they did take it well, I bet they were a little upset inside but a true friend will withstand the rejection and put your friendship first. Definitely take a good hard look at yourself and give yourself the patience to figure out how you feel. And also, it's okay if you don't entirely know. Just as sexuality and gender isn't black and white, who's to say your feelings and thoughts are? You don't always have to*know*. Modern society puts this facade on where when your relationship progresses (or in this case offers to progress) with those around you it should automatically mean, immediately in that moment when the opportunity comes up, you know exactly how you want things to be and where you want to take "the next step", which isn't realistic and right for everybody. We're all different - and who can switch their feelings so easily like that? Especially if you've been close friends for so long. Don't put that pressure on yourself, you don't need it and you're worth better than that.

    It's the same with if you two did decide to get together, you don't have to rush into anything and you can back out anytime. You don't necessarily have to fall into each others arms and get married a week later. That's not love. Relationships take time to properly form and in a way, you're someone who has an advantage over the situation because you've known them in friendly terms for a long time - you trust he/she and I'm sure they trust you back.

    I understand that you'd feel worried. You care about this person, it only makes sense. You can worry and tire yourself out over the situation or be honest with yourself and try to figure things out (however long that takes, and no matter how grey your feelings are doesn't matter) But overall, you don't and most likely won't ever go into a relationship knowing how you feel 100% of the time. And that's okay.

    I'm sure you do want to tread lightly because you don't want to cause any "consequences" and lose a perfectly good relationship, but if you're as close as you are and are really good friends I don't believe it would change how you see each other immediately already and if you did break things off, doesn't necessarily mean things will automatically be awkward or uncomfortable for you both. If you did decide to get together and break things off, talk about it. Communicate. Be mature about it and in return it's up to them to do the same back. Relationship's don't always work out, even if there's little to no reason behind the couple breaking it off. If they don't want to be friends anymore then that's their decision, but I've honestly always stook to the idea of if that person really cherished you in their life, for who you are as an individual, EVEN with their feelings intense for you, they'll eventually come back and be by your side. Even if it's different. Because things change all of the time. And again, that's okay.

    Also, you don't always have to know what you want to have out of a partner. I know some qualities are always better than others but there's no harm in accepting others for exactly who they are - flaws and all. Again, whatever you do...there's no point stressing over it or regretting it. With everything you do in life there's always going to be consequences and set back's from it, as much as you'll bounce back from it everytime and gain new skills and learn to cherish the best bits about experiences/people/places and so on.

    At the end of the day... trust yourself, because you're the only one who knows what's best for you.

    You're very welcome. Feel free to PM me if you're ever stuck with anything, even if you just want someone to listen to you. I hope you now feel more level headed about the situation, either way.
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    (Original post by Seems Legit)
    Hmm... Well if you think there's genuinely a 'spark' or mutual interest then my honest advice is to go for it because i was in the exact situation.

    The key here is to establish a clear objective in the beginning;

    "we're going to give this a shot, i'm interested but lets be prepared for the chance that we're just not compatible romantically we can agree to go back to normal and be happy as friends?"

    Make sure you can both be mature and accept that. openness and honesty does wonders for any relationship.
    Yes there's the risk that it might not work out but you wont know until you try, and I genuinely think that as long as you're both mature and respect each other then you should be able to accept it if it turns out you're better as friends and then just go back to normal ^_^ with a really solid friendship it'll be something to giggle about together in the future.

    Dont listen to the people who say it'll either end in tears or blah blah blah, it doesnt have to be so melodramatic and no friendships have to be lost if you're both good friends and are mature. You never know what can happen if you never test the waters. You might very well end up with the love of your life and discover new depths to your relationship and feelings for each other.

    I encourage going for it because this is actually how I found the love of my life. We were friends for years, never considered each other in a romantic way. She started to show little 'hints' that her feelings were changing and then she was just open with me and said she was interested in 'seeing' if we could be more than friends. i was hesitant because our friendship meant a lot to me i was scared of losing her as a friend if it didnt work so we had a really open conversation about it and established very early on that our objective was to just test the waters and see if we can be more, that way we could both easily accept if it didn't work out romantically and then at least we would know that we were best as friends and we wouldnt let any awkwardness come into play.

    It helped that we were both very mature and open about it. The thing is, it's things like these that make life exciting and worth living. You need to take risks now and again and explore boundaries. If you're worried that it'll be awkward to see your friend in a romantic way or be intimate if you do go on a date then just know that it just takes a while to get used to be its really not a big deal and honestly isnt as awkward as you might think. if you do feel some attraction then it will only grow and you'll become closer each day until you cant even remember what it was like to just be friends.

    my partner and I have been together 4 years now and our relationship is strong as ever.
    Remember that feelings are always static. Just because you never felt some way for someone before doesn't mean you wont in the future. I certainly never saw my friend in a romantic light before and now i cant even imagine what it was like not to love her.

    This might seem like a weird question, but do you have any interest in astrology at all?
    Yes a lot of people see it as a pseudo science, but its scary how accurate it can sometimes be. You might want to just check out you and your friend's signs compatibility online it can be fun to read about that stuff and might help in your decision process. Even if its all mumbo jumbo i think its pretty fun to look at astrology sometimes. you never know.
    This is excellent advice. This isn't even my thread but everything you've wrote there? Spot on. I agree on everything but especially with that you don't have to be melodramatic about the situation. There's no need and does more harm than good, honesty and openness is key, like Seems Legit stated.

    Even though you didn't question me I get you with the whole astrology thing. I'm a sucker for it and it's fun to poke at now and again. A lot of it is mumbo jumbo but once you get to the root of it, a bulk of it makes sense and you can pick out things that seemingly fit with yourself/with whoever's sign you're analyzing.
    • #2
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    I don't have a good experience with getting into a relationship with a friend. I would just say be very careful before you tell your friend anything... the worst thing to do would be to say you're into them and then later change your mind/realise it's not working out. Obviously this can happen anyway even when not being friends first, just tread carefully. If your gut instinct isn't 'I really want them' then you probably don't have much feelings or interest.
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    Man,look at all these essays. :blah:
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Seems Legit)
    Hmm... Well if you think there's genuinely a 'spark' or mutual interest then my honest advice is to go for it because i was in the exact situation.

    The key here is to establish a clear objective in the beginning;

    "we're going to give this a shot, i'm interested but lets be prepared for the chance that we're just not compatible romantically we can agree to go back to normal and be happy as friends?"

    Make sure you can both be mature and accept that. openness and honesty does wonders for any relationship.
    Yes there's the risk that it might not work out but you wont know until you try, and I genuinely think that as long as you're both mature and respect each other then you should be able to accept it if it turns out you're better as friends and then just go back to normal ^_^ with a really solid friendship it'll be something to giggle about together in the future.

    Dont listen to the people who say it'll either end in tears or blah blah blah, it doesnt have to be so melodramatic and no friendships have to be lost if you're both good friends and are mature. You never know what can happen if you never test the waters. You might very well end up with the love of your life and discover new depths to your relationship and feelings for each other.

    I encourage going for it because this is actually how I found the love of my life. We were friends for years, never considered each other in a romantic way. She started to show little 'hints' that her feelings were changing and then she was just open with me and said she was interested in 'seeing' if we could be more than friends. i was hesitant because our friendship meant a lot to me i was scared of losing her as a friend if it didnt work so we had a really open conversation about it and established very early on that our objective was to just test the waters and see if we can be more, that way we could both easily accept if it didn't work out romantically and then at least we would know that we were best as friends and we wouldnt let any awkwardness come into play.

    It helped that we were both very mature and open about it. The thing is, it's things like these that make life exciting and worth living. You need to take risks now and again and explore boundaries. If you're worried that it'll be awkward to see your friend in a romantic way or be intimate if you do go on a date then just know that it just takes a while to get used to be its really not a big deal and honestly isnt as awkward as you might think. if you do feel some attraction then it will only grow and you'll become closer each day until you cant even remember what it was like to just be friends.

    my partner and I have been together 4 years now and our relationship is strong as ever.
    Remember that feelings arent always static. Just because you never felt some way for someone before doesn't mean you wont in the future. I certainly never saw my friend in a romantic light before and now i cant even imagine what it was like not to love her.

    This might seem like a weird question, but do you have any interest in astrology at all?
    Yes a lot of people see it as a pseudo science, but its scary how accurate it can sometimes be. You might want to just check out you and your friend's signs compatibility online it can be fun to read about that stuff and might help in your decision process. Even if its all mumbo jumbo i think its pretty fun to look at astrology sometimes. you never know.
    Oh wow thank you so much for all the advice!
    I was so happy to read about you and your friend that's very cute :3
    Honestly starting this thread has really helped me think this through! You're right about it not being a big deal or melodramatic, guess i'm going to talk to my friend about it again and we're just going to take it slow and be mature. I'm actually due to see my friend tomorrow for lunch so i guess i'll bring it up then
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I'm just curious as to why you avoided the use of any pronouns.
    Encourages a biased opinion.Good move by OP.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So my friend asked me out today. I'd kind of been expecting it to be honest but was still surprised. We've been best friends for a long time, I mean there might be something there but it's hard to say for sure and I'v had bad experiences dating friends in the past. I could see something potentially developing but my relationship with this friend is very good though. if there was any friend i could imagine it working out with romantically it would be this person but still i guess i dont know if i should give it a shot or not. We have a good enough relationship that I'm fairly sure we can return to being best friends/acting the same way with each other if it doesnt work out romantically but i'd like to hear some opinions.
    see where it goes, sometimes best friends can make the best couples but if they were to break up it could ruin their friendship
 
 
 
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