I think I'm asexual. How to come out to BF?

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Anonymous #1
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We've been going out for over a year now.

Asexuality has always been something at the back of my mind for many years, perhaps it hasn't come to the forefront because I figured that sexuality is fairly fluid and also maybe I've been in denial.

Anyway, the other day, I asked my boyfriend hypothetically what would happen if I told him I was asexual. He said he'd be so upset that I'm not sexually attracted to him and that he doesn't think he could continue the relationship.

I reread a really old conversation I had with another TSR member about asexuality, and everything really clicks now. I'm sure I'm asexual.

This doesn't change the fact that I love my boyfriend so much and I'd be devastated to lose him. I can't imagine my life without him.

Particularly anyone who's had similar experiences, how did you and your SO deal with it?
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futbol
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If you are not trolling (I believe you are), leave this thread open.
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tell him, I don't think there's anything to be gained by keeping it a secret, he might not even know exactly what it is...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by futbol)
If you are not trolling (I believe you are), leave this thread open.
Why do you think that?
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futbol
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why do you think that?

If you are just leave this thread open on a computer when you know he will go into the room.
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fatima1998
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i feel like i am Asexual too...
i have sooo sooo bad feelings about sex, i just have noo idea why but i completely hate that "sex" word and the actions too
so i can feel your stress but honestly, i don't know what you can do
but if your bf really loves you then he should understand your issue and maybe try to help you out rather than just ending up the relationship based on asexuality... Sex isn't the only thing in relationship so just explain it to him
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Desserts66
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I dont mean to intrude, but how on earth can one be asexual? Sex is so amazing. The best gift God can provide.
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Das Ich Man
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Maybe your bf is just crap

Had to be said
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Jebedee
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How do you know that you aren't just not attracted to him?
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PJismyname
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I don't think you should rush into this, but I think it's something he should be told if you're certain. Before you do, gather information on asexuality so you can show it to him and help him understand that it doesn't mean you're saying there's anything wrong with him. Looking on those websites may help you to decide for certain whether you are asexual or not. It may simply be that you're not feeling particularly sexual right now (apparently women go through cycles of feeling very sexual and of not feeling sexual at all), so do try to be sure. This doesn't mention what country it's based in but may have useful information, and someone on the forums may be able to give advice on coming out to your boyfriend:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/

And there's this:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-st...-10371135.html
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Anonymous #1
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I told him last night and he didn't take it very well. He sees it as something wrong with him and that now he feels not wanted and worthless. He told me he needs a few days to think about things.

I wish I hadn't told him now.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by PJismyname)
I don't think you should rush into this, but I think it's something he should be told if you're certain. Before you do, gather information on asexuality so you can show it to him and help him understand that it doesn't mean you're saying there's anything wrong with him. Looking on those websites may help you to decide for certain whether you are asexual or not. It may simply be that you're not feeling particularly sexual right now (apparently women go through cycles of feeling very sexual and of not feeling sexual at all), so do try to be sure. This doesn't mention what country it's based in but may have useful information, and someone on the forums may be able to give advice on coming out to your boyfriend:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/

And there's this:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-st...-10371135.html
Thank you, that's really useful.
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username1539513
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(Original post by futbol)
I'm guessing you are not a plant or bacterium?

If you are just leave this thread open on a computer when you know he will go into the room.
:facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:
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username1539513
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(Original post by Desserts66)
I dont mean to intrude, but how on earth can one be asexual? Sex is so amazing. The best gift God can provide.
It's a lack of sexual orientation characterised by the fact that an asexual person cannot experience sexual attraction to another individual
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username1539513
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(Original post by riketay)
Tell him, he clearly wants different things out of the relationship than you and if you are not willing to give it to him it would be cruel and selfish to lie to him and keep it a secret. Noone benefits from you lying about it, so please just tell him.

And if you really are asexual you should visit the doctors because that is a very rare disorder with your sexual organs or hormone production.
:facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:

:facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:
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Smack
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His reaction is understandable, although are you sure he is fully aware of what asexuality actually is? And if the two of you are not sexually compatible, are you sure continuing a relationship is in both of your interests?
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username1623349
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(Original post by futbol)
I'm guessing you are not a plant or bacterium?
Asexual means they do not have sexual urges. A fair number of people feel this way.
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Retired_Messiah
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(Original post by Desserts66)
I dont mean to intrude, but how on earth can one be asexual? Sex is so amazing. The best gift God can provide.
How can one be a gay man? Women are amazing
How can one be a straight girl? Women are amazing
How can one not want to have sex with animals? Animal sex is the best gift God can provide
How can one not be a paedophile? Kiddie sex is amazing

It's all subjective ain't it ya goose
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futbol
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(Original post by georgiaswift)
A fair number of people feel this way.
I have literally never met a single person like that nor heard anyone say they know anyone that way. I've never even heard anyone ever mention the possibility of humans being asexual.

But it's obviously really common isn't it.....
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username1623349
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(Original post by futbol)
I have literally never met a single person like that nor heard anyone say they know anyone that way. I've never even heard anyone ever mention the possibility of humans being asexual.

But it's obviously really common isn't it.....
There's no need to be aggressive. Just because you don't know anyone who's asexual, it doesn't mean they don't exist. One of my friends is asexual. It doesn't affect you directly, so just let them be happy
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