Letter of Motivation for Erasmus University Rotterdam

Watch
Jeje le Saiyan
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hello everyone, I need some suggestion about my letter of motivation... If I must add some stuff. If it's a good letter of motivation...

Letter of motivation
Jérémy MFOUNDOUJune 6th, 1997
Dear Sir and Madam,
I would like to apply for the Bachelor in Management of InternationalSocial Challenges at Erasmus University Rotterdam (EUR) in September 2016.My name isJérémy, I am 18. I was born in Paris and raised in a small town named Bruyèressur Oise sixty-four kilometers far from Paris. I’m French and Congolese. Myfather is from Congo and my mother is from the DR Congo. I travelled many timesin my whole life. I took part severalschool travels to Spain, Italia. I travelled many times to Belgium, Germany andCongo. Then, I have grown with people who had adifferent culture of mine. They practiced religion and culture. That made sur abetter human-being and I think living with people who from a different countrycan make me better. As a Frenchman I have been used to live in a multiculturalenvironment. France is a multicultural country, I could bring my dual-cultureto EUR students. Moreover, I am able to this international environment. I aminterested in skateboarding and football. I do Skateboarding since almost twoyears. I played football for almost six years. It requires qualities such asfocusing, tenacity, passion, respect, open-minding. Currently, I am preparing theFrench Baccalaureate Economics and Social at Camille Claudel High SchoolAt ErasmusUniversity Rotterdam, I want to study Management of International SocialChallenges. I want to study this because it’s a multi-disciplinary program who involveseconomics, political science, and international law. In my secondary school, Iam used to practice different subjects such as economics and sociology, math,history, geography. Subjects which match with this program. Indeed. I amcurrently class representative then I am interested in politics, I amdedicated, ambitious and serious. I would like to work for European Commissionor UN and in the future become President of European Commission orSecretary-General of UN. I would like to do this because I’d like to be a Politicianwhose decisions would have an impact on the world.Then, I want to study Management of International Social Challengesin English because and I want to improve my English and begin an internationalexperience. I think English is a universal language, it allow to speak withanybody. Furthermore, I think the Netherlands and Rotterdam are a good place tostudy. The Netherlands have always interested me due to its social advance. Iwant to study in Rotterdam because it establish an international environment. Thank you for considering myapplication. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for September.

Sincerely yours,JérémyMFOUNDOU
0
reply
GeorgeCBandy
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
Hey Jérémy,

I had to write a motivation letter last month for a different Dutch university but a similar course, so I thought I could lend a hand. You've got some good content but some just needs a bit of rewording and clarifying.

I've picked it apart, added some suggestions and left some comments from my experience of these letters.

The most important part of writing one of these is to stick to what the Admissions board wants to hear about. I had a look at the course web page to see what they were after.

Your motivation letter must focus on:
  • Why do you want to study Management of International Social Challenges at Erasmus University Rotterdam?
  • Why opt for studying Management of International Social Challenges in English and in an international environment?
  • Demonstrate international orientation and experiences through your CV/life story/interests.
I've added some colour to make it easierlater on to see to which point each section is addressing. Sorry if the yellow is a bit hard to read. Bold with ** are suggestions or comments. Underlined is language and grammar (with the alteration in brackets).

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to apply for the Bachelor in Management of InternationalSocial Challenges at Erasmus University Rotterdam
**I am writing to apply for the BSc in Management of International Social Challenges programme at Erasmus University Rotterdam.**

I was born in Paris and raised in a small town named Bruyèressur Oise, sixty-four kilometers far (away, or you can say North/South etc) from Paris. I’m French and Congolese. My father is from Congo and my mother is from the DR Congo.

I travelled many times in my whole life. I took part (in) several school travels (trips) to Spain, Italia. I travelled many times to Belgium, Germany and Congo. Then, I have grown with people who had a different culture of mine.

They practiced religion and culture. That made sur abetter (not sure what you would like to say here) human-being and I think living with people who (are) from a different country can make me better.

As a Frenchman I have been used to live (living) in a multicultural environment. France is a multicultural country, I could bring my dual-cultureto EUR students . Moreover, I am able to this international environment.(again, not sure what you would like to say here)
** This yellow section here contains a lot of relevant experience which is great, but it needs to be clarified a bit more.**

I am interested in skateboarding and football. I do Skateboarding since almost two years (I have been Skateboarding for almost two years). I played football for almost six years. It requires qualities such as focusing, tenacity, passion, respect, open-minding.
** If you would like to put something like this in then you need to make sure it's precisely linked back to the course.**

Currently, I am preparing the French Baccalaureate Economics and Social at Camille Claudel High School.
**Not necessary as they will already have a list of your education**

At Erasmus University Rotterdam, I want to study Management of International Social Challenges. I want to study this because it’s a multi-disciplinary program who involves economics, political science, and international law.
** Perhaps try "I have chosen this programme because...". Make sure that reasons are explained as well. Something like "By taking an interdisciplinary approach I hope to gain a well-developed view/encompassing perception" etc. would probably work quite well.**


In my secondary school, I am used to practice (studying) different subjects such as economics and sociology, math,history, geography. Subjects which match with this program.
**If you would like to put this, make sure to relate back to what they are asking. For instance, you could how your past studies have reinforced your choice in programme, or how you have since developed by taking these subjects.**

Indeed. I am currently class representative then I am interested in politics, I am dedicated, ambitious and serious. I would like to work for European Commissioner UN and in the future become President of European Commission or Secretary-General of UN. I would like to do this because I’d like to be a Politician whose decisions would have an impact on the world.
**From the letters I've read, giving the reason of philanthropy or something similar doesn't go down too well. Like when a medicine applicant writes they want to be a doctor because they've met sick people and want to help them.**

Then, I want to study Management of International Social Challenges in English because and I want to improve my English and begin an international experience. I think English is a universal language, it allow to speak with anybody.
**Perhaps something like "Studying in English would give me the opportunity to practise the language in both academic and professional settings." It's a good point with the universal language, but again, make sure to say why it is especially useful considering the career you would like to have.**

Furthermore, I think the Netherlands and Rotterdam are a good place to study. The Netherlands have always interested me due to its social advance (?).I want to study in Rotterdam because it establish an international environment.
**Expand this a bit**

Thank you for considering my application. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for September.


To finish of, I would add in something about the benefits of problem-based learning. Just to say more about what it is about this course in particular that you like, as opposed to similar courses or those at different universities.

Well, I hope this helps. The key point is just to make sure everything is relevant.
0
reply
Jeje le Saiyan
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#3
Thank you. I will rework this and submit you
0
reply
Jeje le Saiyan
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#4
(Original post by GeorgeCBandy)
Hey Jérémy,

I had to write a motivation letter last month for a different Dutch university but a similar course, so I thought I could lend a hand. You've got some good content but some just needs a bit of rewording and clarifying.

I've picked it apart, added some suggestions and left some comments from my experience of these letters.

The most important part of writing one of these is to stick to what the Admissions board wants to hear about. I had a look at the course web page to see what they were after.

Your motivation letter must focus on:
  • Why do you want to study Management of International Social Challenges at Erasmus University Rotterdam?
  • Why opt for studying Management of International Social Challenges in English and in an international environment?
  • Demonstrate international orientation and experiences through your CV/life story/interests.
I've added some colour to make it easierlater on to see to which point each section is addressing. Sorry if the yellow is a bit hard to read. Bold with ** are suggestions or comments. Underlined is language and grammar (with the alteration in brackets).

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to apply for the Bachelor in Management of InternationalSocial Challenges at Erasmus University Rotterdam
**I am writing to apply for the BSc in Management of International Social Challenges programme at Erasmus University Rotterdam.**

I was born in Paris and raised in a small town named Bruyèressur Oise, sixty-four kilometers far (away, or you can say North/South etc) from Paris. I’m French and Congolese. My father is from Congo and my mother is from the DR Congo.

I travelled many times in my whole life. I took part (in) several school travels (trips) to Spain, Italia. I travelled many times to Belgium, Germany and Congo. Then, I have grown with people who had a different culture of mine.

They practiced religion and culture. That made sur abetter (not sure what you would like to say here) human-being and I think living with people who (are) from a different country can make me better.

As a Frenchman I have been used to live (living) in a multicultural environment. France is a multicultural country, I could bring my dual-cultureto EUR students . Moreover, I am able to this international environment.(again, not sure what you would like to say here)
** This yellow section here contains a lot of relevant experience which is great, but it needs to be clarified a bit more.**

I am interested in skateboarding and football. I do Skateboarding since almost two years (I have been Skateboarding for almost two years). I played football for almost six years. It requires qualities such as focusing, tenacity, passion, respect, open-minding.
** If you would like to put something like this in then you need to make sure it's precisely linked back to the course.**

Currently, I am preparing the French Baccalaureate Economics and Social at Camille Claudel High School.
**Not necessary as they will already have a list of your education**

At Erasmus University Rotterdam, I want to study Management of International Social Challenges. I want to study this because it’s a multi-disciplinary program who involves economics, political science, and international law.
** Perhaps try "I have chosen this programme because...". Make sure that reasons are explained as well. Something like "By taking an interdisciplinary approach I hope to gain a well-developed view/encompassing perception" etc. would probably work quite well.**


In my secondary school, I am used to practice (studying) different subjects such as economics and sociology, math,history, geography. Subjects which match with this program.
**If you would like to put this, make sure to relate back to what they are asking. For instance, you could how your past studies have reinforced your choice in programme, or how you have since developed by taking these subjects.**

Indeed. I am currently class representative then I am interested in politics, I am dedicated, ambitious and serious. I would like to work for European Commissioner UN and in the future become President of European Commission or Secretary-General of UN. I would like to do this because I’d like to be a Politician whose decisions would have an impact on the world.
**From the letters I've read, giving the reason of philanthropy or something similar doesn't go down too well. Like when a medicine applicant writes they want to be a doctor because they've met sick people and want to help them.**

Then, I want to study Management of International Social Challenges in English because and I want to improve my English and begin an international experience. I think English is a universal language, it allow to speak with anybody.
**Perhaps something like "Studying in English would give me the opportunity to practise the language in both academic and professional settings." It's a good point with the universal language, but again, make sure to say why it is especially useful considering the career you would like to have.**

Furthermore, I think the Netherlands and Rotterdam are a good place to study. The Netherlands have always interested me due to its social advance (?).I want to study in Rotterdam because it establish an international environment.
**Expand this a bit**

Thank you for considering my application. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for September.


To finish of, I would add in something about the benefits of problem-based learning. Just to say more about what it is about this course in particular that you like, as opposed to similar courses or those at different universities.

Well, I hope this helps. The key point is just to make sure everything is relevant.
This is the new version
Letter of motivation
Jérémy MFOUNDOUJune 6th, 1997
Dear Sir and Madam,
I am writing to applyfor the BSc in Management of International Social Challenges programme atErasmus University Rotterdam in September 2016.My name isJérémy, I am 18 years old. I was born in Paris and raised in a small town namedBruyères sur Oise sixty-four kilometers far north from Paris. I’m French andCongolese. My father is from Congo and my mother is from the DR Congo. I travelledmany times in my whole life. I took part in severalschool trips to Spain, Italia. I travelled many times to Belgium, Germany and Congo. Somemembers of my family live in Belgium. I go to Belgium twice a year. I visitedGermany during my holidays in 2006 and 2007. I could practice English. Congo isfather’s born country, I visited it once in February 2012. It was a greatexperience, I discovered father’s culture and his country. These experiences allowme to meet people who are different of me. France is amulticultural country, I have grown with people who had a different culture ofmine. They practiced a different religion and culture. That made me a betterhuman-being and in my opinion living with people who are from a differentcountry can make me better. As you can see I have been used to living in amulticultural environment. I havechosen this programme because it’s a multi-disciplinary program who involveseconomics, political science, and international law. By taking an interdisciplinaryapproach I hope to gain a well-developed view. In my secondary school, I am usedto studying different subjects such as economics and sociology, math, history,geography. These subjects are always interested me, your programme allow me to studyit during my studies. I would like to work for European Commission or UN and inthe future become President of European Commission or Secretary-General of UN. Iwould like to do this because I’d like to be a Politician whose decisions wouldhave an impact on the world.Studyingin English would give me the opportunity to practice the language in bothacademic and professional settings. In my opinion, English is a universallanguage, it allows to speak with anybody. This language is used in manyinternational organization. Furthermore, according to me, The Netherlands andRotterdam are a good place to study. The Netherlands have always interested medue to its multicultural society. This society involves many ethnicities suchDutch, Indian, Indonesian, African, Moroccan, Turkish. The university has ahigh percentage of international students. I prefer to be among internationalstudents because it allows me to meet people from different countries.Moreover, your educational method of problem based-learning is attractive forme. Applying academic knowledge to concrete cases allow to me tostudy more effectively. Thank you for considering myapplication. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for September.

Sincerely yours,JérémyMFOUNDOU
0
reply
vlad0580
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 year ago
#5
did you get accepted Jeremy?
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you worried that a cap in student numbers would affect your place at uni?

Yes (130)
58.82%
No (49)
22.17%
Not sure (42)
19%

Watched Threads

View All