Bumped into someone I used to go to school with and didn't know what to say.... Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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I'm 25 years old, male- and have gone through the education system, and have held a job down for a number of years now. I don't usually see anyone from my secondary school at all, and its very rare that I see people. I'm not even close mates with my then best friends at that time.

Anyways- I walked into a pub in my hometown and this guy came up to me as if he was going to put his hand around me. At this point I hadn't even had the time to scan my surroundings so I was a little startled and feeling hostile.

He then said to me "Merry Christmas and a Happy New....[pauses]...New Year.." During the pause he spilled his pint on the floor near me, and sort of seemed embarrassed. He walked off into the crowds of the busy pub.

Anyways-- I as we were leaving said guy was outside with his mates smoking and dancing around drunkenly. I got a good profile of his face and was fairly certain it was him. As we walked past him I had a good look at his face. He stops me and says: "Your [my full name]...aren't you? I went to school with you...".

I didn't know what to say so I just said I thought it was him earlier, but didn't recognise him as I am used to seeing him in the school uniform- and its been a while. I was trying to make it jovial and upbeat because I had no clue how to respond.

He then sort of agrees with me as we shake hands and asks me where im off now, to which I reply I'm off to a house-party. We sort of part ways acknowledging one and other and leave. It was slightly awkward and he seemed completely different when we last saw each other.

Thing is, he used to bully me a hell of a lot in school, and i still have sort of deep rooted hostility and resentment. Not in a million years did I ever feel he'd be on friendly terms with me. I'm still in my 15 year old insecure mentality, because I left all those people behind once I went to college, and vowed to forget them and excel.

Anyways- I am glad we are on good terms, and it allowed me to sort of have closure or some relief, but part of me still feels that he is mocking me. Even though he clearly was friendly.

How would you feel about this?
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..........
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
How would you feel about this?
I would have found it funny. i would've made it rain on him then give him the finger. That's just what i would do though.
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username2324383
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I would have ignored him

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VladThe1mpaler
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i would have wanted to find out what he ended up doing in the hopes he has been a failure/less successful than me

you get a kind of satisfaction from finding out your bully has a **** life
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Optimum_
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 25 years old, male- and have gone through the education system, and have held a job down for a number of years now. I don't usually see anyone from my secondary school at all, and its very rare that I see people. I'm not even close mates with my then best friends at that time.

Anyways- I walked into a pub in my hometown and this guy came up to me as if he was going to put his hand around me. At this point I hadn't even had the time to scan my surroundings so I was a little startled and feeling hostile.

He then said to me "Merry Christmas and a Happy New....[pauses]...New Year.." During the pause he spilled his pint on the floor near me, and sort of seemed embarrassed. He walked off into the crowds of the busy pub.

Anyways-- I as we were leaving said guy was outside with his mates smoking and dancing around drunkenly. I got a good profile of his face and was fairly certain it was him. As we walked past him I had a good look at his face. He stops me and says: "Your [my full name]...aren't you? I went to school with you...".

I didn't know what to say so I just said I thought it was him earlier, but didn't recognise him as I am used to seeing him in the school uniform- and its been a while. I was trying to make it jovial and upbeat because I had no clue how to respond.

He then sort of agrees with me as we shake hands and asks me where im off now, to which I reply I'm off to a house-party. We sort of part ways acknowledging one and other and leave. It was slightly awkward and he seemed completely different when we last saw each other.

Thing is, he used to bully me a hell of a lot in school, and i still have sort of deep rooted hostility and resentment. Not in a million years did I ever feel he'd be on friendly terms with me. I'm still in my 15 year old insecure mentality, because I left all those people behind once I went to college, and vowed to forget them and excel.

Anyways- I am glad we are on good terms, and it allowed me to sort of have closure or some relief, but part of me still feels that he is mocking me. Even though he clearly was friendly.

How would you feel about this?
The past is the past, if I met someone I didn't have a good relationship with during school I'd probably just say;

'Hey, how are you?
What do you do these days?
That's nice, well I gotta run, Bye'.

I guess I'm lucky in that I still keep in contact with many of my school friends (I'm 20 btw) and even the ones I've bumped into on the street or where ever have been people I've never had a problem with.

I wouldn't just ignore someone, as I said before the past is the past. We all did stupid things at that age, things we probably regret. But we're adults now.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by samzy21)
I would have ignored him

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To be fair, I would've done as well, had he not actually come right up to me in my face.

I felt somewhat guilty about trying to avoid him, and also I felt curious, as I didn't even look him in the eyes so at first I was unsure who it was.
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Daniellaaa
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(Original post by VladThe1mpaler)
i would have wanted to find out what he ended up doing in the hopes he has been a failure/less successful than me

you get a kind of satisfaction from finding out your bully has a **** life
urgh same
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Optimum_)
The past is the past, if I met someone I didn't have a good relationship with during school I'd probably just say;

'Hey, how are you?
What do you do these days?
That's nice, well I gotta run, Bye'.

I guess I'm lucky in that I still keep in contact with many of my school friends (I'm 20 btw) and even the ones I've bumped into on the street or where ever have been people I've never had a problem with.

I wouldn't just ignore someone, as I said before the past is the past. We all did stupid things at that age, things we probably regret. But we're adults now.
Thats pretty much how it went down- give or take.

Apart from the idea that he actually got right in my face initially to say hello but having failed by dropping his beer.

I think part of me was conflicted because I actually thought the guy I saw in front of me was a sound guy. He was the complete contrast to the person locked faraway in my mind- that used to bully me. At the same time, I felt very angry at myself for allowing myself to actually like him.

At the same time, I felt sort of childish for not been able to let go of my feelings. I guess when your bullied as a kid you never really let go of all the anguish and pain.

I just feel very sort of stuck in the child like me as opposed to the adult me.

I can't relate to someone as 'me'-- or I find it hard-- I can only relate to them as the person they once knewe years earlier (insecure teen that had low self esteem). I used to run away from them all in the playground, they used to do all sorts to me.

Part of me felt pity toward him too-- but I didn't want to let myself stoop.

I'm receiving therapy for my emotional issues, and part of my issue is relating to people on an adult level, because of the bullying and lifes problems.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by VladThe1mpaler)
i would have wanted to find out what he ended up doing in the hopes he has been a failure/less successful than me

you get a kind of satisfaction from finding out your bully has a **** life
He appeared fairly content in his life at that time. I also did a bit of social media stalking and found he is studying for a degree and is working and doing well. At least completely better than I thought. Back then, I wouldn't have thought he would have gone to University. He was sporty, into the girls, and he used to bully people.

Goes to show people can change. I just have an issue with disliking him, because he seemed like a sound guy. I think thats part of the issue, I feel conflicted.
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Optimum_
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thats pretty much how it went down- give or take.

Apart from the idea that he actually got right in my face initially to say hello but having failed by dropping his beer.

I think part of me was conflicted because I actually thought the guy I saw in front of me was a sound guy. He was the complete contrast to the person locked faraway in my mind- that used to bully me. At the same time, I felt very angry at myself for allowing myself to actually like him.

At the same time, I felt sort of childish for not been able to let go of my feelings. I guess when your bullied as a kid you never really let go of all the anguish and pain.

I just feel very sort of stuck in the child like me as opposed to the adult me.

I can't relate to someone as 'me'-- or I find it hard-- I can only relate to them as the person they once knewe years earlier (insecure teen that had low self esteem). I used to run away from them all in the playground, they used to do all sorts to me.

Part of me felt pity toward him too-- but I didn't want to let myself stoop.

I'm receiving therapy for my emotional issues, and part of my issue is relating to people on an adult level, because of the bullying and lifes problems.
Sorry to hear that, only thing I could say is don't let someone like that affect you now. The odds of you seeing him again are pretty small, but whatever you do don't let it get to you.

Stay strong
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troubadour.
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I had a similar experience at school and I can understand why you feel the way you do, OP. :console: I've been out of school for less than a year and I still feel bad going near that part of town, let alone meeting someone from there.

Hope you feel better soon.
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stargirl63
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To be fair, I would've done as well, had he not actually come right up to me in my face.

I felt somewhat guilty about trying to avoid him, and also I felt curious, as I didn't even look him in the eyes so at first I was unsure who it was.
Don't feel guilty. They are not in your life for a reason. You have the people in your life which you need now. Forget everyone else.

I'm 25 and I still bump into people who I knew at school all the time, living in my small area where everyone knows everyone...and I'd just ignore them, or say "hi" , or pretend I didn't hear them or something. You don't owe them a conversation.
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