The Student Room Group

How To Get Over Him?

how do you get over someone who you are still in love with?

How do you get over the jealousy of them falling in love and the paranoia?

How do you cope with just being their friend as you'd rather that than not having him in your life at all?

How do you let go of not being in their lives as the one they love?

i no theres a lot of questions but what is the best way to get over a guy when you still love them and didnt expect the relationship to end so sudden?

Any Help? or anyone in this situation? :p: :p: :p:
Reply 1
It's hard but you learn to move on. Spending time with friends, finding things to do that you can enjoy without it reminding you of them, finding anything that distracts you from them helps immensely.

My friend went clubbing when her bf broke up with her and she's having the time of her life now and reflects on the past relationship. She's tried to maintain a friendship with the ex but it's good and bad sometimes.

For me though, it was taking a break from her, doing the things I enjoy and realising I can enjoy my life without her.
I'm going through the same right now.

I don't have any answers, it's a crushing thing to have to contemplate - not having that love any more and wondering where it all went, and where your partner is going to go after you.

I'm dealing with it by talking to her about how I'm feeling and not falling out. Obviously this isn't always feasible - but I guess most people have friends for that kind of thing.

When she's not around, I write down my feelings in the form of blog. I found that to be very theraputic and it cleared my head for at least a few hours.

Being honest with yourself and letting time tell what the future holds seems to be the only way forward. It hurts, but I'm just taking one day at a time and hoping at some point in the future either I'll have managed to put my feelings in order, or everything will be back where it belongs.

Sorry I can't be more constructive, just don't do anything you'd regret on your rebound. :hugs:


[edit]
I've also found that sharing what I'm going through with complete strangers via TSR seems to have a stunning effect on my heart. :tsr2:[/edit]
Block them on MSN, delete their email address, get rid of their number in your phone and don't speak to them. It's tough, but you'll get over it. I was in exactly the same situation - only one way to deal with it, out of sight, out of mind and move on. Give it a couple of months, and you'll be fine. Good luck :smile: PM me if you want.
spacecowgirl89
Block them on MSN, delete their email address, get rid of their number in your phone and don't speak to them. It's tough, but you'll get over it. I was in exactly the same situation - only one way to deal with it, out of sight, out of mind and move on. Give it a couple of months, and you'll be fine. Good luck :smile: PM me if you want.



Woah, a bit drastic?

I mean sure, if they did something really bad like cheat on you (and hell, maybe not even then) then sure, it might be a good healthy move to just forget all about it.

I'm not even sure about that though, it sounds like that's just a case of suppressing your feelings, which I've found over the past few years causes more problems than it solves.

I honestly believe it's possible to come out of a relationship still loving the other person but take it back to friendship because you still love them you know it's the right thing to do.

Without bottoming out, without losing yourself in depression and just accepting the feelings are there and talking about them.

Breaking up serves as a great way to shed perspective on the overall situation. Running away is just the easy way out.
I think its a bit harsh just completely deleting them from your life. If anything its best to stay with them as a friend rather than just get rid of them all together.

If you love the person that much, then the love will take some time to disappear and will always be at the back of your mind, even for years to come. Its impossible to get rid of and is just one of those things unfortunately. My advice is to think forwards in a positive way towards life without them, set yourself a new task (like joinning a club) to keep you occupied, and make sure you don't delve into self pitty. Go out with your friends, make sure thay know how you feel and encourage them to try and keep you happy/occupied and thinking forwards rather than thinking about the past.
That's more like it.

Yes, the love will always be there, from both sides. You don't just lose something like that but it doesn't mean you can't do something about it.
I guess that's just what worked for me - my ex didn't want to stay friends, we tried, it didn't work, and that was the only way I could move on at the time - by not thinking about him at all. Now a lot of time has passed and we talk occasionally, but I know if we'd carried on talking all along that I'd have just hurt myself because I'd never have a chance to get over him. Can I just ask, why did you break up? Me and my ex parted on bad terms, which was probably why I had to act the way I did.
The distance.

Our feelings just weren't as strong as they used to be, and causing drama in the middle of exam season by trying to keep a relationship going was just a bad idea.

She was the one who wanted out, and I can't really blame her. To be honest, I think she wants completely rid of me - I'm just not ready for that yet.
Reply 9
What about if its something that has to come to an end? How do you cope with that, knowing they still want to be with you and you with them, but it just isn't possible? Then you can't even get angry at them.
Reply 10
ice_cube
What about if its something that has to come to an end? How do you cope with that, knowing they still want to be with you and you with them, but it just isn't possible? Then you can't even get angry at them.

What I'd do is be angry with myself then :p: Or just at the circumstances. Sometimes you just have to know when to give up, stick your hand up and say it was unlucky this time.

-

For the OP, it's a shame that you can't be together anymore. Getting jealous of them if they fall in love again though is no fit response. If you care for them, you want them happy, however that happens. In any case, you're hurting so much that you should really be thinking of yourself anyway. Anyway, there's only the one way to get over it, and that's by just living your life, or getting one if you don't have one to live. Make it so that you can look at your life and happily decide you were better off without them. And that it was unlucky that it didn't work out, but only unlucky, and hopefully you'll each find someone new. Just keep living, distract yourself with your life, and you'll be able to see past him.
I'm going through exactly the same. Out of the blue he suddenly announced he didn't have the right feelings for me, when he'd been leading me on to think he did. Just at the point when I was starting to open myself up a bit and trusting him enough to start falling in love with him.

This is happened to me twice before. It hurts like **** but it does get easier. And being friends is not the solution - girlfriend to friend is a major demotion and you'll just spend all the time revisiting those feelings again and again while watching him get on with his life.

The only solution is just to get on with it. Don't spend the next few months trying to catch glimpses of them and spending time with them. Blocking/deleting all points of contact is a good idea but you might not feel strong enough for that. You should start to live life without them, no matter how hard it is or how lonely you feel without them. Make new friends, strengthen the relationship with the ones you've got, go out and have fun.
Reply 12
I honestly don't think its possible for myself personally, to ever truly get over someone you love. Because even if the feelings aren't necessarily the same anymore, you're constantly reminded of them in every day life. Like, I don't love them anymore in that way, but I love what we had, if that makes sense.
Reply 13
Thanks the advice really helped i guess i should just look to the future and be positive about what might come now it was because are beliefs arnt the same an he doesnt want to take things any further cos he knows that it is an issue for him although he had always said it wasnt so i was a bit confused cos i did not see it coming at that moment.

i guess when it all sinks in it will be easier and i get to look 4ward to starting uni

good luck to all of those in the same situation i wish you well x :p:
Well, just look forward to uni!!! I'm sure you'll have an awesome time there and the chance to meet loads of [much better] guys! :wink:
lil one
I honestly don't think its possible for myself personally, to ever truly get over someone you love. Because even if the feelings aren't necessarily the same anymore, you're constantly reminded of them in every day life. Like, I don't love them anymore in that way, but I love what we had, if that makes sense.


Ditto to that. The best way to deal with it, imo, is to remind yourself that there'll be others who you'll end up feeling the same way about and will be equally as close to (if not closer). It's hard at first, but eventually you come to terms with it.
Reply 16
I'm in the cut contact camp until you've got your head sorted. I came out of a one and a half year relationship a month ago - the first girl I'd ever really loved and not really my choice. I do want to be friends with her but I need time out (we're both part of a larger group of friends back home and it was so awkward) so I told her I want to be friends, just not now and I need a bit of time to myself. She agreed. Best choice I've ever made. I've gone back to uni and enjoyed myself with friends and the single scene without pining over her. If I had to see her every day, I'd have had no chance of getting over her and I don't want to spend the next 6 months of my life wanting something I can't have.
As a result, I've now got my head sorted, I'm happy as a singleton and with myself, and feel when I get back I could be decent friends with her. However, I needed this space to heal. Without it, I'd still be the quivering jealous, miserable wreck I was a month ago. No-one wants to see that. :p: