The Student Room Group

Feel Like Ive Done Something Awful.

Me and my girlfriend have been arguing a lot recently , and pretty much every time we go out in ends in tears and upset and arguing. Anyhow last night was the same and we had a bit of a bust up, and during this i suggested that we should go on a break because I didnt know what she wanted from me, just time to think, not properly break up. Anyhow she was crying and pleading and saying "omg are you breaking up with me" in utter desperation and despair. Anyhow we didnt go on a break because we both realised we can work through it. However i feel like ive totally ruined our relationship now and cant sop thinking about how I must have made her feel when I was saying I think we should go on a break, I do love her and its tearing me up that I even said those things to her. What should I do?
Bluelight
Me and my girlfriend have been arguing a lot recently , and pretty much every time we go out in ends in tears and upset and arguing. Anyhow last night was the same and we had a bit of a bust up, and during this i suggested that we should go on a break because I didnt know what she wanted from me, just time to think, not properly break up. Anyhow she was crying and pleading and saying "omg are you breaking up with me" in utter desperation and despair. Anyhow we didnt go on a break because we both realised we can work through it. However i feel like ive totally ruined our relationship now and cant sop thinking about how I must have made her feel when I was saying I think we should go on a break, I do love her and its tearing me up that I even said those things to her. What should I do?


I don't think you've done something awful. I said exactly the same thing to my boyfriend a couple of nights ago over Skype when we were having a small fight which blew up into a huge argument. Like you (I think) I had no intention of actually doing it but I was really angry and wanted to shock him into making more of an effort in our relationship when I feel that he has turned far more selfish since he went to uni and I'm stuck on my gap year. Hopefully your girlfriend will realise how close she came to losing you and both of you will now realise how much you love each other and make an effor to stop silly fights :smile:
Reply 2
You both need to sit down and talk it all out! What do you both need out of the relationship and are you both able to give each other what the other person needs? I'm sure that you both love each other, but is this enough?
Sit down and talk, communicate and be open as to why you said that.

I personally would explain that the two of you both know there's underlying issues in the relationship as a whole, hence the arguements and that you only said that as a positive thing in the long term because you love her so much that you hate to see the relationship fall apart. Taking a small break may seem like one step back but can sometimes result in two steps being taken forward. If you explain it like that and not that you wanted the relationship to end then that should hopefully help.

Maybe also say, that spending a little time apart may prove to the both of you, just how much you mean to each other and therefore would enhance the relationship in the future rather than the conituned arguements. As the old saying goes "you dont know what you've got till its gone". Relationships can become stale sometimes and you need them refreshed time to time.

Definately talk, be open and also find out the real issues which cause the arguements and how the relationship can move forward so you both dont end up upset all the time, no one wants that froma relationship.

good luck
Reply 4
You did somethingawful?

How was it, I've heard good things.

But on topic, you've done nothing permanent. Let it go...
Something similar happened to me. Not exactly the same, but close enough to be analogous.

Don't think you have ruined your relationship! I can understand why you might think that, my boyfriend still feels really guilty about what he did when the subject comes up. But I honestly see it as a positive thing. It made us go through emotions that we needed to go through, and I think it made our relationship stronger. Its been nearly a year since then and I struggle to imagine how the relationship could possibly be better! :smile:
Reply 6
Bluelight
Me and my girlfriend have been arguing a lot recently , and pretty much every time we go out in ends in tears and upset and arguing. Anyhow last night was the same and we had a bit of a bust up, and during this i suggested that we should go on a break because I didnt know what she wanted from me, just time to think, not properly break up. Anyhow she was crying and pleading and saying "omg are you breaking up with me" in utter desperation and despair. Anyhow we didnt go on a break because we both realised we can work through it. However i feel like ive totally ruined our relationship now and cant sop thinking about how I must have made her feel when I was saying I think we should go on a break, I do love her and its tearing me up that I even said those things to her. What should I do?



Awww... Tell her exactly how you feel... :smile:
Don't worry about it, lots of couples argue like this, and it's normally just when you want them to pay more attention, it's more of a shock tactic than anything else. Just explain that you didn't at all mean that you wanted to break up and apologise! I'm sure she'll forgive you :smile:
There are worse things you could have done, take it that way. You had an arguement, things were said that weren't meant, pretty sure that's how the majority of them go! If you really are worried she took it to heart and its going to permanently scar the relationship, then take her aside today and, instead of bringing up what happened and how much you regret it, why not instead show her how much you love her? Give her some flowers. Make it positive, heart-felt statement. I think saying "I love you like no other and I'm so glad I have you" means more than "I'm sorry" in this case. Of anything that girl needs to hear right now it's that, not being reminded what made her cry in the first place!
Taking a break will not solve your problems, talk with each other when you are both calm. Get to the bottom of why you both keep arguing.
She's just overreacted, it's not your fault. She just doesn't understand why you suggested it and she sounds paranoid. Don't feel bad, just reassure her.