Worth risking freindship for a more initimate relationship?

Hey

I have a freind who I really like, and I was wondering what would be the best way to let her know. Any subtle tips anyone could offer would be great, since I don't want to come on too strong and lose her freindship.

Thanks

Reply 1

Sijia

It worked well for me. Not so much mortifying though...knowing how the other person feels towards you is a definite MUST!

Reply 2

username47781

I first knew my now girlfriend at where I used to work, didn't know at the time of course, but she then went away to uni for a bit, I regretted not getting her number although I didn't know her that well then, but we had talked a few times.

But at the end of her first year she came back for the summer and we went for a drink and found that we had alot in common and she became my best friend, so we went out more and more, little realising we were falling for each other, until later in the year it happened. two and half years later we are still together.

So what started as a drink is now like this.

Sometimes it is worth taking a chance, yes it was a big risk but in this case it was damn worth it. It also depends how long you know your friend, because the best way is to get to know her more before deciding whether to make a move.

Reply 3

Sijia

lessthanthree

that's why kissing them and NOT knowing is so momentarily mortifying. ..ultimately rewarding though (:

Ok...admittedly, the first kiss is rather mortifying as I went on a hunch about his feelings...haha

Reply 4

coldplasma

This is how it is. If you don't tell her you like her, you will keep cutting yourself up about it, and you will get depressed and probably loose her friendship anyway.

You tell her you like her, and she rejects you. Chances are your friendship is going to be ruined right there anyway.

or

You tell her you like her and want more from the friendship and she agrees in someway or another. You might as well tell her, nothing good can come out of not telling.

Reply 5

shona

I'm going to be a bit different here, and suggest you just come out with it.

I don't think I'm unusual in saying that as a girl, the boys in my life fall under two general categories. The "safe" lot and the "other". The boys I consider "safe" are ones who are either gay, or who I've known for such a long time, they're really more like family to me, than potential dating material. If any of them flirted with me or hinted at anything romantic, I'd take it as a joke. Subtle really wouldn't work.

About two and a half months ago, I went out for a quick drink with one of the boys in my "safe" category, for a catch up. I mentioned I'd broken up with my long term boyfriend and we had a chat about our pitiful love lives, in which I made it clear that I was over my ex. It never occured to me that he might have an ulterior motive for wanting to know where I was emotionally, as he was "safe" in my opinion.

Then a couple of weeks later, after frequent and repeated flirting, he sent me a message asking me out on a date. Was very clear about it being a date, and not just going out as friends.

If he hadn't been the opposite of subtle, I might never have realised I'd developped feelings for him too. Right now, we're in love and blissfully happy. This being such an amazing feeling, I would say it's definitely worth taking the risk. It might happen for you too. A relationship based on an existing friendship is just brilliant.

And being friends, if she knocks you back, she won't make a big deal out of it. If you can accept just being friends, she'll take you back as a friend and won't make you feel all awkward about it.

Don't think so much about what you have to lose here - think about what you might gain. Isn't that worth it?

If it doesn't work out, at least you'll know for sure, and won't wonder what might have been. Good luck :smile:

Reply 6

Zoecb

Hang out more together... I find a foolproof way of trying to assess these things is to watch TV together casually and subtly try to see how snuggly you can get, even try some hand-stroking/holding and see if this is welcome/reciprocated etc.

If she shakes off the friendly affection she's probably feeling awkward, if not then it's fairly promising - look at her lots, she might twig you're interested.

Reply 7

Wez

Just go for it. Testing the water for several months is bloody boring and could be done in a much shorter space of time. She either likes you or she doesn't. Subtle hints over the course of 3 months won't make her like you more. Being 'shy' and not up front is also often a turn-off. If it turns out she doesn't like you, you won't have wasted several months, and if she does like you you'll get her earlier.

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