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Struggling to move on after getting no closure - LONG Watch

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    I met this guy early last year, who I liked but who I thought didn't like me, so didn't try to make a move. We became really close friends, texting every day, seeing each other all the time etc. I put my feelings aside and that was fine, we were a bit flirty sometimes but that was it. After some time I realised my feelings had never gone away, and I needed to tell him. He meant a lot to me as a friend and I knew I risked being rejected but I had to tell him. I told him and he was taken aback, said he liked me when we first met but didn't think I liked him, was scared to trust someone again, etc. Anyway this uncertainty carried on for a further two weeks, and at one point we stopped talking because I couldn't continue to be friends.
    When we weren't talking he got back in touch and wanted to talk, then when we met he told me he really liked me and wanted to be with me. I was a bit cautious but happy because i could really see a future with him and so we made it official.

    For a month everything was great, but then it seemed like one day things changed and he would make less effort to see me and talk to me. We did have a hiccup about something but it wasn't something that was going to break us up, and it happened after his behaviour changed, not before. Eventually after not seeing him for a week i told him how i felt over a text and that i couldn't continue if he wasn't going to make more of an effort, at this point his behaviour had been like it for a few weeks. He basically agreed with me that he couldn't and I just couldn't believe that was it. I wanted to see him and so asked him if he could pick up his things and hoped he would at least see me to give me an explanation, or something... but nothing. He basically said goodbye in a text and that was it, and I was so hurt that I just refused to even reply.

    I just don't still understand how someone who I considered a best friend first, before boyfriend, could treat me that way. And even now (it happened before christmas) I'm thinking about him daily and wondering what the hell happened. I thought he would at least have the decency to be upfront with me in the first place, talk to me in person, or even not get with me in the first place and tell me he wanted to stay friends if that's all he wanted?

    I have heard nothing and he is on tinder apparently, which makes me feel awful, like it was just me, not anything else. My friends tell me to forget it but it's not that easy. He was so important to me and I have so many questions unanswered. I'm sorry i'm blabbing on now. I still have his number and I keep thinking if i should text him and ask him to be honest in what went on his end. Is that ever a good idea or is leaving it and always wondering what if is the best thing? I wouldn't care if it was just someone I dated but we were friends first and it hurts so much still
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    And just to add - I know I meant a lot to him before we got together because he was there for me and did everything and anything for me, always made the effort and even offered to pay for stuff (which I never asked for or took for granted). which made me wonder if he liked me too.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met this guy early last year, who I liked but who I thought didn't like me, so didn't try to make a move. We became really close friends, texting every day, seeing each other all the time etc. I put my feelings aside and that was fine, we were a bit flirty sometimes but that was it. After some time I realised my feelings had never gone away, and I needed to tell him. He meant a lot to me as a friend and I knew I risked being rejected but I had to tell him. I told him and he was taken aback, said he liked me when we first met but didn't think I liked him, was scared to trust someone again, etc. Anyway this uncertainty carried on for a further two weeks, and at one point we stopped talking because I couldn't continue to be friends.
    When we weren't talking he got back in touch and wanted to talk, then when we met he told me he really liked me and wanted to be with me. I was a bit cautious but happy because i could really see a future with him and so we made it official.

    For a month everything was great, but then it seemed like one day things changed and he would make less effort to see me and talk to me. We did have a hiccup about something but it wasn't something that was going to break us up, and it happened after his behaviour changed, not before. Eventually after not seeing him for a week i told him how i felt over a text and that i couldn't continue if he wasn't going to make more of an effort, at this point his behaviour had been like it for a few weeks. He basically agreed with me that he couldn't and I just couldn't believe that was it. I wanted to see him and so asked him if he could pick up his things and hoped he would at least see me to give me an explanation, or something... but nothing. He basically said goodbye in a text and that was it, and I was so hurt that I just refused to even reply.

    I just don't still understand how someone who I considered a best friend first, before boyfriend, could treat me that way. And even now (it happened before christmas) I'm thinking about him daily and wondering what the hell happened. I thought he would at least have the decency to be upfront with me in the first place, talk to me in person, or even not get with me in the first place and tell me he wanted to stay friends if that's all he wanted?

    I have heard nothing and he is on tinder apparently, which makes me feel awful, like it was just me, not anything else. My friends tell me to forget it but it's not that easy. He was so important to me and I have so many questions unanswered. I'm sorry i'm blabbing on now. I still have his number and I keep thinking if i should text him and ask him to be honest in what went on his end. Is that ever a good idea or is leaving it and always wondering what if is the best thing? I wouldn't care if it was just someone I dated but we were friends first and it hurts so much still
    This is pretty much how my relationship ended, we were friends before then when we got with each other it seemed even better then she ended it by a text message after starting to become distant. It is really hard and sometimes you never get the answers you want. All I have done is delete everything that reminded me of her, i.e. numbers pictures etc. As painful as it is sometimes it is better just to leave it.
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    He's probably trying to move on himself.

    Best to just leave it.
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    You don't always get closure. I didn't.

    As difficult as it is, you've got to try and move on.
    • #1
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    I guess for me it seems like he just didn't care and didn't try to fight it or anything, even though he was acting off and I just couldnt stand for it. It was hurting me and i wasn't gonna be treated like i didn't matter, I think a part of me wonders if he was acting off so i would end it because he wouldn't do it himself. I'm trying to be strong but the need to know is a killer... I think it could only hurt me more if i go in touch and he ignored me...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess for me it seems like he just didn't care and didn't try to fight it or anything, even though he was acting off and I just couldnt stand for it. It was hurting me and i wasn't gonna be treated like i didn't matter, I think a part of me wonders if he was acting off so i would end it because he wouldn't do it himself. I'm trying to be strong but the need to know is a killer... I think it could only hurt me more if i go in touch and he ignored me...
    Could be exactly why he was acting cold in the hope you would end it so he didn't have to.
    • #1
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    That's probably the likely explanation. I think I'm just still in disbelief at how he treated me, I deserved better than that, especially for someone he claimed to really like and care about. He never acted like that when we were friends, he was a gent. I think a part of him was scared to get with someone again after his ex but it doesn't excuse the behaviour.
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    Sadly people change
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    Yeah... Well for not i'm going to hold off on getting in contact, it probably will do more harm than good. I hope you're okay too? Your situation sounds like mine, it's so crappy hey :/
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    It's time to move on
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah... Well for not i'm going to hold off on getting in contact, it probably will do more harm than good. I hope you're okay too? Your situation sounds like mine, it's so crappy hey :/
    Yeah it's freaky how it's almost identical, and yeah you are right getting contact would do more harm than good.

    (Original post by Daniellaaa)
    It's time to move on
    Not easy, it takes time.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Yeah it's freaky how it's almost identical, and yeah you are right getting contact would do more harm than good.



    Not easy, it takes time.
    Thanks again for your replies/support. I still feel crappy but I slept on it and still think it's best I don't get in touch, though it's an urge I'm resisting!

    I think yesterday it just all came to a head, I was managing to block things by distracting myself but it all unraveled and I had a mini break down over it.

    Hope you feel better about things soon too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks again for your replies/support. I still feel crappy but I slept on it and still think it's best I don't get in touch, though it's an urge I'm resisting!

    I think yesterday it just all came to a head, I was managing to block things by distracting myself but it all unraveled and I had a mini break down over it.

    Hope you feel better about things soon too
    No worries what i'm here for, of course you will feel crappy for a while yet it won't go away overnight, trust me I still struggle at times and it's been over a month now since my break up. But yes the best thing to do is resist contacting him, which I know is easier said than done.
 
 
 
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