Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Does anyone else get this? Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm really struggling to even like anyone at the moment, have been for a while. I get so many mixed feelings and then a strange emptiness, I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

    In the past, I have given A LOT in dating/relationships. Everytime I like someone, I usually really really like them, think they're incredible, treat them amazing, but recently I've been thinking and none of the people I've ever been romantically involved with have ever treated me in the way I treat them. In retrospect, it's sort of like I worship them, I know that sounds bizarre. I know it might sound melodramatic but this is a reality I'm living. I have literally had my heart ripped out so many times now, that in the past year whenever anyone's shown remote signs of interest, I push them away.

    I also had the pleasure of watching a guy I liked, and was hoping to get with, who had been giving me signs he liked me back, make out with another girl in front of me. He clearly isn't right for me, if he would so easily start seeing someone else (he's seeing her now). I can see that now, but it's almost like I pushed him away and I kind of don't want to do this again. I mean he would say things like 'you look nice' and I'd just ignore what he said and carry on with the conversation, even though I liked him back. Maybe I should have taken him up on it? It's almost like I'm waiting for people to pursue me, but of course people give up after a while.

    I do have self-respect, and I can see, mainly through the help of friends that I have several good qualities but it's more like the problem is with other people. I literally would trust no one romantically again, and obviously I've not had any proper *ahem* physical contact with anyone for ages. I also feel that there's something about me as a woman where I'm impossible to love, because I have maybe too much confidence in my own goals in life, and am perhaps too passionate almost about things and this deters guys apparently. I don't know. I usually go for pretty insecure people (have dated both guys and girls before) I suppose, mainly because I find them more interesting and I enjoy helping them/ fixing them in some way. But then I seem to get taken advantage of.

    Due to various things that happened in my life, I also have no solid example of how a relationship should function at all. In fact, I'd go as far as to say I have a completely warped vision of relationships.

    Starting to feel pretty damn lonely and *ahem* frustrated. I know this is cliche, but it does feel like I'm going to be alone for a very long time to come. Can anyone relate/help?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I would say stop investing so much in someone but I don't think that's the problem, you are probably just not drawing attention to how much effort you put in and people take you for granted, some people are just really cold and nasty, they will be really nice with you and then suddenly just freeze and lie to your face. I wouldn't give up faith in people though, no one should have that much power over you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Das Ich Man)
    I would say stop investing so much in someone but I don't think that's the problem, you are probably just not drawing attention to how much effort you put in and people take you for granted, some people are just really cold and nasty, they will be really nice with you and then suddenly just freeze and lie to your face. I wouldn't give up faith in people though, no one should have that much power over you.
    Thanks for an insightful reply.

    Yehuh, that's exactly what I've experienced from those I've been seeing.

    The whole not investing in people has been incredibly hard for me in the past, but now it's like I seem to push people away so much, and perhaps I have some kind of low self-esteem that they're going to stab me where it hurts, that I just don't give anything at all. I don't want to give anything at all, yet I feel so alone. Sounds like an awful song, but it's pretty much an awful reality for me right now
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for an insightful reply.

    Yehuh, that's exactly what I've experienced from those I've been seeing.

    The whole not investing in people has been incredibly hard for me in the past, but now it's like I seem to push people away so much, and perhaps I have some kind of low self-esteem that they're going to stab me where it hurts, that I just don't give anything at all. I don't want to give anything at all, yet I feel so alone. Sounds like an awful song, but it's pretty much an awful reality for me right now
    Thanks for the compliment.

    I think it is a very bad idea to put up barriers simply because it does not work. Those who will exploit your trust will do so anyway. I will speak now from my own experience, having dated someone who by their own admission had serious trust issues, their mistrust of me just made me feel confused and rejected, and equally mistrusting of them. You must have faith in other people. There is a quote by Hemingway: 'The best way to know if you can trust someone is to trust them' - to distrust someone on principle can actually make someone behave untrustworthy.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 27, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Should Spain allow Catalonia to declare independence?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.