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    Hi all,
    I am going to be applying to university 2017 entry and have been advised to look at universities during summer, however, my mother isn't interested and basically told me we can't go to any. Whenever I mention uni, she changes subject, no one in our family went to university other than her sister. Why do you think she's not bothered or even caring? Is it essential to look around a uni prior to applying?
    Thanks
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    Hi

    You mum is probably worried about the idea of you moving away and is taking a "bury your head in the sand" approach. You don't need to visit - some people only visit after they have offers - but it is 3 or 4 years of your life so the more information you have the better. You don't need to go with a parent - make a shortlist and book places on the open days. University websites and sites such as the one below give dates etc.

    https://www.ucas.com/events/explorin.../find-open-day

    Try and visit places that you actually want to go to - so think about distance from home, city vs rural, look at league tables etc to give yourself a reasonable starting point. Show her the list and say you are going to book transport - she may change her mind and come

    Goodluck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,
    I am going to be applying to university 2017 entry and have been advised to look at universities during summer, however, my mother isn't interested and basically told me we can't go to any. Whenever I mention uni, she changes subject, no one in our family went to university other than her sister. Why do you think she's not bothered or even caring? Is it essential to look around a uni prior to applying?
    Thanks
    I think maybe your mum isn't showing much interest simply because of lack of knowledge of the whole process and lack of knowledge about university experience! Maybe she doesn't think it's necessary for you to go. If you haven't already, just explain to her that it is important to you and something you definitely want to experience and hopefully she'll pay more attention

    I think it is definitely important to do a bit of research before you apply not everyone goes and visits every uni they consider, but it can be helpful because you will be living and studying there for 3/4 years!

    My advice would be to find a friend or family member (perhaps your aunt?) that would be more supportive about university choices and ask if they would visit the cities/open days with you then you don't have to feel worried about going on your own (but going on your own to open days is also fine)
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,
    I am going to be applying to university 2017 entry and have been advised to look at universities during summer, however, my mother isn't interested and basically told me we can't go to any. Whenever I mention uni, she changes subject, no one in our family went to university other than her sister. Why do you think she's not bothered or even caring? Is it essential to look around a uni prior to applying?
    Thanks
    Have you got a financial issue at home? My parents were pretty much behaving the same way as yours because they didn't understand loans, grants etc... sit down and speak to her about it, stay adamant about the topic and question her reason for not willing to talk to you about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,
    I am going to be applying to university 2017 entry and have been advised to look at universities during summer, however, my mother isn't interested and basically told me we can't go to any. Whenever I mention uni, she changes subject, no one in our family went to university other than her sister. Why do you think she's not bothered or even caring? Is it essential to look around a uni prior to applying?
    Thanks
    I know how you feel OP, my mother was the same. I am the only person ever to have gone to university in my entire family. I come from a working class background, parents, grandparents always worked very modest jobs, minimum wage and used to mediocrity. Not that there is anything wrong with this, in some instances it was all they could do in those days, and they didn't have the opportunities we have today.

    My mother was always sort of dismissive, well she had that attitude. She never outwardly scorned me for it. But I remember when I first mentioned my aspirations of going to university, she thought I was crazy and told me: "no your not going, we can't afford it", and said "why would you want to go to university for?". At that time she had no idea about student finance, and assumed that (like when she was a girl) you only went if you were rich and wealthy, or won a scholarship. Of course, times are changing and it's more accepted for working classes to attain a higher education. There is no longer a substantial class barrier and less obstacles to overcome.

    She may feel a bit over-zealous because she never had the chance to go, or feel threatened at the prospect of you leaving the nest. How old are you??

    The story for me was that my mother eventually came around to the idea, after having several months of thinking about it. My aim wasn't to ask permission, but to let her know what I was going to do- after all it is my future. She was actually very proud of me in the end, and long story short, she now brags to every man and his dog about how her baby boy has graduated uni.

    In short, I'd sit her down, have an open and honest discussion about your feelings, and tell her what is going to happen. Tell her it's an investment in your future and that you'd invite her to think about this. Ask her politely if she'd like to accompany you to 'X University' opening day.

    I'd leave the door open and just get on with arranging transport, as another poster suggested. She will come around to the idea eventually. She has too, it's your life.

    All the very best.
 
 
 
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