How to deal with an emotionally manipulative ex? To block or not to block

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
I'm getting very sick of my ex's behaviour and at this point I'm starting to lose my tolerance because I dont even know what to do here. Sorry if this is long (tl;dr at the end but would really appreciate if you could read the whole post)

We broke up last month, I didn't feel our relationship was healthy and I found her to be a very emotionally exhausting person. She has a victim complex and is very emotionally selfish. Don't get me wrong, she's not that way on purpose and she's not overall a bad person, we were together for over 4 years and had many good memories but ultimately weren't compatible. I'll admit the break up was hard because 4 years is a long time so it was difficult adjusting to not being together anymore but I knew it was for the best. We wanted to end on good terms and remain friends.

Anyway a few days after the break up she started sending me screenshots of her OKcupid profile and the text conversations with guys flirting with her etc. I was at first like 'wtf?'. she insisted it was because we were friends now and she should be able to share these things with her friends so I just shrugged. I didnt have any romantic feelings for her anymore but still thought it was insensitive.

A week later she sends me a screenshot of some guy flirting with her and told me they were going on a date the following day. At this point I was starting to feel like there was some serious invasion of emotional boundaries going on. I was conflicted because I most certainly didnt have feelings for her (i was the one that ended the relationship) but you'd think after a 4 year relationship she'd have the decency to respect my emotions enough to not bombard me with information about her new date just days after we broke up.

it was starting to impact my emotional health so I decided this whole 'friends' thing couldnt work atm and told her that I needed a 'break' and some distance for some time before we could be friends again. She broke down crying and begging me not to unfriend her/block her on facebook, told me that i'd "promised i'd never leave her life" and kept saying "everyone always leaves me". It was so emotionally manipulative, i was literally explaining to her how depressed i'd been and how i needed to take care of my mental health and all she cared about was that i was 'breaking my promise'. and i let myself be manipulated so I agreed not to cut contact with her on the condition that she give me space and not message me on fb for some time.

The honest truth is by the next morning I was actually feeling so much better about the whole thing because actually coming face to face with how emotionally manipulative she is really cut the final thread holding me to any emotions towards her I felt free and happy for the first time that i was no longer in that toxic relationship. So the next few weeks i got on with my life, exchanged brief messages with her on fb every now and then (hello, how are you etc) but otherwise never initiated conversations with her and moved on with my life. Started going on a few dates with a tinder match but nothing serious.

Then last night, she messaged me out of the blue saying she wanted to 'talk about our emotions' and called me bombarding me with her insecurities and telling me she was upset that she'd had to beg me not to cut contact with her and that she was super upset that we werent as close as we used to be and she didnt know if i wanted to be her friend. She then said that she wished I'd been nicer to her and more patient with her and trying to make herself out to be some kind of victim. In the midst of all this I was just like 'wtf' through it all and could not make sense of what she wanted from me. To my knowledge she's now in a relationship/dating the guy who's screenshot she sent to me though they've not updated their relationship status on fb, so i dont know what she wants from me. It was like she's determined not to let me have any peace and can't seem to cope with the knowledge that I no longer have any romantic feelings for her.

Truth be told I want nothing more than to block her/cut her out of my life at this point. I'v done my best, i'v been patient and i'v tried to remain her friend. but, as is apparent, i'm easy to emotionally manipulate. I feel guilty and pressured, we were together for so long so a lot of her friends and family (parents etc) are my friends on facebook and she's fb friends with some of my friends and my parents. I honestly just want her out of my life because i cant deal with how selfish and inconsiderate she is. I was willing to remain friends/have casual convos now and again but she wants too much from me emotionally.

but i dont know how. is it okay for me to ask my friends and family to delete her on fb too? because i feel uncomfortable with the idea of deleting/blocking her when she's still friends with my family/friends. So far I have 'unfollowed' her on facebook (not unfriended) so she never shows up on my newsfeed etc but we're still fb friends, but i dont know if its enough.
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Tl;dr, my ex is emotionally manipulative and wont leave me alone, i want to cut her out of my life for my own health's sake but its complicated and would like some advice on how to do so
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 4 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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This calls for a definite block, for your mental wellbeing more than anything. She's your ex for an obvious reason and you can't be expected to remain at her beck and call and look after her mentally, especially as you broke it off. Her getting out of her mental problems is her responsibility and hers only.

I'd definitely recommend asking your family and friends to deleter her, clearly explaining why. If they care, they'd understand.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This calls for a definite block, for your mental wellbeing more than anything. She's your ex for an obvious reason and you can't be expected to remain at her beck and call and look after her mentally, especially as you broke it off. Her getting out of her mental problems is her responsibility and hers only.

I'd definitely recommend asking your family and friends to deleter her, clearly explaining why. If they care, they'd understand.
Thanks for the reply. I appreciate your advice. I think I'm definitely going to call for an end to it once and for all and block her. Do you think I should message her first before blocking, if so what should I say?
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 4 years ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the reply. I appreciate your advice. I think I'm definitely going to call for an end to it once and for all and block her. Do you think I should message her first before blocking, if so what should I say?
No, don't message her before you block her, as she'll just try and manipulate into not doing it. She obviously wants to screw with your head and you can't under any circumstances let her do that
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
No, don't message her before you block her, as she'll just try and manipulate into not doing it. She obviously wants to screw with your head and you can't under any circumstances let her do that
Thanks so much for the advice
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