how to accept who you are

how do you accept who you are? Im shy, introspective and worry alot. I know i have good qualities but i struggle to look beyond the negative impact of my shyness. In the past i have made efforts to try and be more outgoing, less withdrawn, and to some extent i can see small progress has been made. However, it is just that, small progress, which disheartens me since i feel i havent changed a great deal, and am now resigning myself to the fact that im always going to be a shy, withdrawn individual. (20/m btw)

Reply 1

spacecowgirl89

Don't be silly! You can't expect to change drastically from someone shy and quiet to a lively extrovert overnight! Any change will be gradual, but it's really good that you've seen some change, just focus on accepting who you are first, and then you can work to change it! My boyfriend is really shy and quiet, he finds it really hard to talk/think of stuff to talk about. He'll ring me, wanting to speak, but then he won't have anything to say! Luckily I talk enough for both of us, and I'm comfortable with silence too. You can focus on being more outgoing, just practice speaking to people, friends, I'm sure they'll help you. PM me if you want to talk.

Reply 2

hippieglitter

Don't give up now if you have made some progress get encouragement from that and keep going, changing the way you have been for 20 years is gonna take time trust me i know. I got a bit of a headstart compared to you, got a hefty (metaphorical) kick up the arse to start showing off the wonderful person that i supposedly am at 18. But things will come in time, keep up the good work don't be afraid to be who you are, i'm sure you are a great person now go and show people that you are.

Reply 3

Wez

Join a debating society. When you're in a position where you quite literally can't be shy and introverted you may become more confident.

Reply 4

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

You don't accept who you are, because you are who you are.

Reply 5

Marie05

can you tell us exactly why you are shy?

I believe that there's always a reason. I dont think people 'naturally'/'normally' have shy personalities. btw im taking shyness as negative. I know some people are normally introverted/reserved etc. But to be shy (the negative form) and you want to change it etc means there is a hidden reason thats making you act like that.

For me, i used to be very shy at school, and that was because my english wasnt very good and i was always scared to make mistakes usually in pronounciation of words and would be extremely embarrassed when i do make a mistake. As a result, i didnt speak much, i didnt volunteer to do things. So for me, i know to overcome my shyness i had to improve my english.

Is this anything like your situation? Do you know why you are shy?

Reply 6

lovebuzz

i think its partially due to genetics. My dad and my brother are both really shy. Apart from that its difficult to pinpoint stuff. I have been bullied quite a bit over the years, certainly during a levels i was more unwilling to speak up due the knowledge that there would be people looking to put me down.

Reply 7

frank01277779

I do believe this song (Tsunami Bomb - Twenty Going On...) may sum up (at least to some extent) how you feel. It also has a good message (I've bolded some bits) But yeah basically if you don't like how you are then change it...but acceptance comes with age, and with having good friends. If you have them then surely you're a good person to know? Just have to see yourself from your friends perspective rather than a critical person who doesn't know the real you...

Tired at twenty years old
memory collecting before his time
recall, the old stompin' ground
i see a tear welling up in his eye

No, you can't cheat time
don't let that control your life
hold your breath, close your eyes
just jump in, the water's fine

These pleas, fall on deaf ears
ears that were once tuned to truth
a dated, washed up, old man
has seen it all, nothing else for him to do

No, you can't cheat time
don't let that control your life
goes over your head, look over your shoulder
when you look back you're that much older

(It slips away)
Be what you're becoming
(It slips away)
and not who you were
(It slips away)
grab hold of the here and now while you still have the chance

So are you giving up now?
as for adventures you've had your fill
who says you're over the hill?
i think it was you, and you know very well

No, you can't cheat time
don't let that control your life
goes over your head, look over your shoulder
when you look back you're that much older

(It slips away)
Be what you're becoming
(It slips away)
and not who you were
(It slips away)
grab hold of the here and now while you still have the chance

You're holding yourself back
(Turn your face to the day)
when you could be doing anything
(Don't just dig your own grave)
when will you trust yourself?
(Take with you what you learn)
the same as I do
(Be yourself, not who you were)

I want to see
you use your capabilities
build me an ocean, then destroy it with your eyes

(It slips away)
Be what you're becoming
(It slips away)
and not who you were
(It slips away)
grab hold of the here and now while you still have the chance

Reply 8

L i b

The only advice is to shake yourself out of it and constantly consciously strive towards the goal you've set yourself.

A long and difficult path, I'd imagine. Bon chance.

Reply 9

hannah_dru

You just kind of learn to I guess. And I think you are, because you said you know you have good qualities. Having the right people around you who love you for who you are can set that into perspective.

Reply 10

Anthonyjm71

accept the sort of person you are try to better yourself when you possibly can! :cool:

Reply 11

decky1989

try being around people which will force you to leave your shyness behind. by this i mean chatty and outgoing people who never have a dull moment. I'm sure that will bring you out of your box. i have had classmates who were really shy and now i would consider them to be quite outgoing. you could try joining a society/club with people who have the same interests as you. that way you will feel more confident chatting about something you enjoy.

Reply 12

kasias

You're quiet and thoughtful.
That's cool. You don't need to be outgoing. By trying to change yourself you are thinking of the positive things about being another way and so thining negative things about how you are.
Once you've accepted you're shy you can ignore the fact you're shy and do non-shy stuff. Don't try to change yourself. There aren't any rules saying shy people can't speak up and do things when they feel like it. We have fun too.

It sounds so cheesy, but when you're happy with who you are (and you can't change who you are) you won't need to worry about what people think and so by defination, won't be shy, just un-loud.