How do I know if I'm being used?

I'm paranoid that my friend said that I need to be careful that people don't be friends with me just so they can get help with their work and get a good mark for it. It's just there are people in my sixth form who actually do this and I trust my friend who says this since we've known each other for 4 years. Now it's gotten me thinking how many of my friends are just using me and are not actual friends. Some of my friends are overly friendly to me, I never thought about it but now it might be to get me to like them. Should I have every right to be concerned or am I overthinking things? How can I test to see if they are just using me for my help?

It sucks that this sort of thing happens at my college.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

First sentence meant to say "careful that people become friends with me"

Reply 2

i am new

you try asking help from the one who you helped when he is really busy. A real friend will just leave his work and rush to help you again(well thats what i do and i got real friends just 4 of em) , if he is not he'll just ignore you or ask you to wait unnecessarily.good luck finding good friends :wink:

Help please

the world is not exactly chirpy
people are like that, you either cope with them and live life or you just become alone
it could work both ways, you can ask them for favours
. just dont trust someone too much or make them the centre of your life
its hard to find real friends and most people dont deserve this ^

Reply 5

SILVER_INK

Original post by Anonymous

Help please

Do you go overboard helping them as soon as they ask? I know you seem to trust your friends judgement but don't judge them before you know them. See how they react when you don't go helping them. Your friends wouldn't get angry at you or annoyed for not helping. Well they shouldn't anyway. See if you can see a difference in their attitude then.

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Reply 6

SILVER_INK

Original post by Ishea16

Yes definitely. It'll cause misery in the long run if you give them too much importance.

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Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by SILVER_INK

I don't go overboard, like I help them when I am available but most of the time it results in me helping them in some way. The people I'm talking about, they have done it before with another guy who just wouldn't say no. Some are girls as well so they might have some sort of agenda of trying to soften me up and then ditch me once the year is over. I don't know, my friend's words got me all paranoid but it does happen in my college as I've said!

I would ask them for help but I don't have anything that requires it since they are only in one of my classes which I'm confident in.

Reply 8

SILVER_INK

Original post by Anonymous

Hmmm. The situation does sound a bit odd tbh. If you say they've done it before to someone then perhaps it's best to keep your distance. If they ask for your help more than necessary instead of trying to solve the problem themselves then it does sound like a 'using' issue.

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Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by SILVER_INK

Well the new set of friends in question have not asked me for help yet but they do want to work with me for group work. Should that flag up warning bells? I mean I do work hard and actually a lot of people want to work with me, I think this sort of thing is expected with anyone. I'll probably say yes to work with them but I would want them to do the work as well, I aint treating them nicer because they are girls.

The thing is they have treated me as a friend, well one of them anyway. Like we have gone out for dinner and stuff like that but it's just what my friend says that's got me all thinking. Could all of this be some sort of cruel ploy to get me to like them and ultimately they'll just be using me? It might not, but my friend just tells me to be careful that's all.

Reply 10

SILVER_INK

Original post by Anonymous

Group work that's a challenge in itself. Usually one does the work and the rest benefits. The group your wanting to work with be UPFRONT with them. Tell them that everyone is going to participate individually and to speak up now if they cant do that. Be the team leader. If they want help well the tutors there for that reason. Again we don't really know people's motives for working with you and so on. But if they're not in the group to work well theres your answer. Your friends right about being careful though. You don't really know them.

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Reply 11

SILVER_INK

Original post by Anonymous

Just because you have dinner and such with one of them it doesn't mean you should help her (as in do the work for her kind of help) you do it for one and the rest will be expecting that as well. Just set the ground rules. There's no need to get paranoid over it mate. As with anyone we don't really know them. Treat them normally. Just don't get overly friendly where they might think its an open invitation you know what I mean?

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Reply 12

Tiger Rag

Sometimes, you need to learn to say no. You're under no obligation to help them.

I have a friend who most weeks (I know he can't make it every week and neither will I) tutors me. He's made it clear that because it's free, either one of us is free to end the session whenever we want.