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Appearance in a relationship

Kagutsuchi

20

Does it matter? I don't think so. :smile:

But what about everyone else?

Reply 1

Ilora-Danon

3

I have to be physically attracted to someone in order to want to be with them mentally and physically, so yes.

I couldn't see myself with someone who wasn't 'generically' goodlooking.

People say 'what if he's ugly but has a wonderful personality?' - but I still feel the same, if he's not 'on par' with me, then I'm not attracted to him...

Reply 2

Vohamanah

16

I think it does at first. When you get all dressed up when you go on 'dates' and stuff, but once you've been together a while it doesn't matter so much. My boyfriend sees me as a mess first thing in the morning, and he loves me just the same :p:

But it is nice to make an effort sometimes, even if you are so used to each other you don't mind wearing a duvet all day :smile:

Just to go out for a meal or something and really make an effort to look good.

Reply 3

Lucia.

16

Personality is more important because everyone loses their good looks. I believe that looks are only a reinforcement. What someone lacks in looks can be made up in charm. If someone has a beautiful soul then that's all that matters. :smile:

Reply 4

BellaNotte

3

I always thought looks were fairly important when being attracted to someone but i've just recently found out its really not when there's someone you really get along with well..

Reply 5

Yellowmarshmellow

I guess it does at first before you know the persons personality etc but personally i couldn't go out with someone i wasn't physically attracted to.

Reply 6

Kagutsuchi

OP

20

Yes, well I guess initially it does matter slightly

Reply 7

TopSortedMadForIt

7

Ilora-Danon

I couldn't see myself with someone who wasn't 'generically' goodlooking.

How do you define this? I'd consider myself at least decent looking, but I don't have the jawline of a typical male model....does that men I'm not generically good-looking? Or do you just mean, pleasing to the eye in general?

To the OP. IMO Looks are important in a relationship to an extent. There has to be a bare minimum requirement in physical attractiveness met by both partners imo, the standards of which are set by the other partner, if you see what I mean.

Reply 8

Phantom Phoenix

13

Initially looks are what attracts you to someone, but I'm talking VERY initally. As in, my boyfriend first spoke to me because he was attracted to how I look, but he first realised I was someone he wanted to be with when he quoted Terry Pratchett at me and I got the reference. So basically, since about the first half hour of us knowing each other, looks have been utterly irrelevant.

In my opinion and based on my experience, it is personality that makes and breaks a relationship. Appearance is for one-night-stands and shallow people. But of course that's just me and anyone's free to disagree...however, if another person says that being chubby is a reason not to fancy someone, I may have to find out where they live and sit on them until they're sorry!

Reply 9

LipGloss

If looks didn't matter to me, right now I would probably be with an average-to-ugly guy with a great personality who would treat me well and make me laugh. Sometimes I wish I was less shallow. :frown:

Reply 10

Phantom Phoenix

13

LipGloss

If looks didn't matter to me, right now I would probably be with an average-to-ugly guy with a great personality who would treat me well and make me laugh. Sometimes I wish I was less shallow. :frown:

Are you with someone at the moment then, or have you turned someone down recently? Just curious, I'm not about to lay into you! :smile:

Reply 11

TopSortedMadForIt

7

Phantom Phoenix

however, if another person says that being chubby is a reason not to fancy someone, I may have to find out where they live and sit on them until they're sorry!

Ummm, this is one of the biggest reasons not to fancy someone. Its visually repulsive and indicates a lack of fitness and pride in one's body. I would never, ever date a girl who was fat/overweight ("curves" are a different story) for these reasons, and also the fact that I don't believe a girl who doesn't take care of herself deserves to be with a guy who does.

Some things we can't change, but a lot we can, body fat and the lack of being one of them. If I was a girl, I'd bust my ARSE in the gym if I had any excess fat. A girl's figure is one of her best assets imo.

Phoenix, you can still sit on me if you want...so long as you're not overweight

Reply 12

josie_bear2003

I find that I have a habit of falling for the guys I've been friends with for a while first (not always great but that's another story!). I've not necessarily found them attractive when I first met them but I've grown to find them attractive because I've fallen for their personalities. Yes, if I was just in a bar or something I would go for looks first, but that's not usually how it happens for me. The guys I like my friends have always thought I'm plain weird for liking coz they haven't got to know them so they've just gone on appearance. So yes, if you're wanting to pull in a bar looks may well matter - but at the same time there's someone for everyone as nobody goes for a one specific look.

Reply 13

MagicNMedicine

20

looks/appearance is the number one factor in wanting a relationship with someone, as opposed to a friendship

Reply 14

LipGloss

Phantom Phoenix

Are you with someone at the moment then, or have you turned someone down recently? Just curious, I'm not about to lay into you! :smile:

I recently broke up with a guy who I dated based entirely on his good looks and who made me feel miserable. I know so many lovely boys who haven't got the looks but I've been very quick to categorise them as 'just friends.'

Reply 15

Phantom Phoenix

13

TopSortedMadForIt

Ummm, this is one of the biggest reasons not to fancy someone. Its visually repulsive and indicates a lack of fitness and pride in one's body. I would never, ever date a girl who was fat/overweight ("curves" are a different story) for these reasons, and also the fact that I don't believe a girl who doesn't take care of herself deserves to be with a guy who does.

Some things we can't change, but a lot we can, body fat and the lack of being one of them. If I was a girl, I'd bust my ARSE in the gym if I had any excess fat. A girl's figure is one of her best assets imo.

Phoenix, you can still sit on me if you want...so long as you're not overweight

What do you think the diet counter's for? :p:

Okay, you have a point in that a person probably doesn't take a huge amount of pride in herself if she's enormously fat and not doing anything about it. However, I'm overweight but I am doing something about it, so therefore I do take pride in my appearance, it just doesn't show (in terms of my weight) yet. I just don't think that judging someone based on their figure is fair - for instance, I'm currently overweight because I was stuck in bed for months after I had typhoid. It doesn't mean I don't take pride in my appearance.

The fact that you're suggesting a lack of wanting to take pride in your appearance is a reason to not fancy someone suggests that you're objecting to a mental state of disinterest in appearance, rather than the appearance itself.

Oh, and just to take a semantic issue up with you, to me "chubby" means a bit overweight, which I wouldn't describe as visually repulsive. You'd have to go a whole lot further before I think you could fairly describe an overweight person as that.

Edit: LipGloss, I can actually see where you're coming from with the people categorised as "just friends"...I guess if you meet a group of people and are immediately attracted to one stunning bloke, the others sort of naturally fall into the friend zone while you're pursuing/flirting with him?

Reply 16

scribble_girl

14

I don't care about other people's appearance; I've gone out with people who my friends haven't considered conventionally attractive (read: I've got stick because they're not 'fit') and been happy & proud to.

On the other hand, my own appearance is a different story. I'm still yet to reach a point in any relationship or otherwise where I'm totally 100% happy being seen makeup-less and looking awful. But then, that's my own selfperception, rather than my perception of others.

Reply 17

Phantom Phoenix

13

scribble_girl

I don't care about other people's appearance; I've gone out with people who my friends haven't considered conventionally attractive (read: I've got stick because they're not 'fit') and been happy & proud to.

On the other hand, my own appearance is a different story. I'm still yet to reach a point in any relationship or otherwise where I'm totally 100% happy being seen makeup-less and looking awful. But then, that's my own selfperception, rather than my perception of others.

I'm similar - however, I have now reached a point in a serious relationship where I'm happy for my boyfriend to see me exhausted, makeup-less, first thing in the morning...it makes me feel great that he loves me despite having seen me fat (post-illness) and even having seen me hurl before. *shudder* It just feels brilliant - and tremendously liberating - that he still really fancies me despite having seen me in many, many situations when I look intensely unattractive! :biggrin:

Reply 18

scribble_girl

14

Phantom Phoenix

I'm similar - however, I have now reached a point in a serious relationship where I'm happy for my boyfriend to see me exhausted, makeup-less, first thing in the morning...it makes me feel great that he loves me despite having seen me fat (post-illness) and even having seen me hurl before. *shudder* It just feels brilliant - and tremendously liberating - that he still really fancies me despite having seen me in many, many situations when I look intensely unattractive! :biggrin:

All the same though, I'm just not comfortable enough with myself in my own skin to show myself to anyone else in a horrible state... and whilst I love that I can still be tolerated physically at said point, I still would much rather avoid it and be seen at my best and all dressed up, with makeup on and hair done, etc :smile:

And trust me, if I've still loved someone who's actually hurled ON me, I wouldn't consider the sickness thing a major problem. :s-smilie:

Reply 19

Phantom Phoenix

13

scribble_girl

Haha, well, I have let someone seen me incredibly hungover first thing in the morning, so I guess that's a step in the right direction. :p:

All the same though, I'm just not comfortable enough with myself in my own skin to show myself to anyone else in a horrible state... and whilst I love that I can still be tolerated physically at said point, I still would much rather avoid it and be seen at my best and all dressed up, with makeup on and hair done, etc :smile:

That's true, I definitely feel better about myself when I'm dressed up to go out, wearing new clothes, after I've lost a bit of weight, got a bew haircut or whatever...it's nice to know I'm not hideous when I've just rolled out of bed, but I'm not saying I don't look better when I'm prettied up a bit, because...well, that would be a stupid and evidently false thing to say! :p:

Edit: Just picked up your edit...I had a crush on a guy for about two years then puked on him at a house party. *groan* For some reason we never got together; I can't think what put him off...

Appearance in a relationship

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