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I want to help my brother, but I don't know how. Watch

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    First some background: I live in a single parent family consisting of my mother, my brother and me. My brother is 15 and I'm 17, in my last year of school.

    I'm really worried about my brother. I think he's got a lot of emotional issues and I don't know how to approach him about them.

    I know that he binge-eats a lot. Multiple times my mum and I have found A LOT of food packages hidden in his room - his closet, underneath his bed and behind his desk. When asked why he goes very quiet and becomes very upset. One time he said he didn't know why and cried.

    He has really low self esteem and confidence. He's been bullied several times at school (even by people in lower years than him). I also fear that he doesn't feel like he's clever enough. He's told my Mum that he feels the pressure of living up to my achievements, especially my offer from Cambridge, even though that's a load of nonsense and he shouldn't worry about what I've done.

    Our Mum also has anger issues. She frequently explodes at us and sometimes hits us. Yesterday she started screaming at my brother for staying on his computer too long, saying "If you're spending so long doing homework on your computer, why didn't you get better grades in your mocks?!" I thought it was so awful and when I went to comfort him he was crying again. Other times she is a loving mother and works hard to support me and my brother. She's also worried too, but sometime she just can't control herself.

    I really want to help him. He shouldn't have to deal with this alone. But I don't know what "this" is or how to even begin. Every time I try and broach the subject with him he just shuts down or brushes it off like it's nothing.

    I can't reach out to friends or family because I never tell them about my situation at home and doing so would probably do more bad than good.

    Please help me TSR!
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    He needs counseling talk with your mum and make sure he visits a counselor.
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    Instead of directly going into "what's wrong?" try maybe asking some questions leading into that. Like ask "did you have a good time with your friends today" then "how is your homework?" etc. until he gives a response that indicates something is wrong.

    I know personally, and certainly with men, that it is astoundingly difficult for them to open up to anyone about issues and such. You must respect the fact he won't want to tell you all of his problems, but you need to make it 100% clear that you are always there for him whenever he needs it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First some background: I live in a single parent family consisting of my mother, my brother and me. My brother is 15 and I'm 17, in my last year of school.

    I'm really worried about my brother. I think he's got a lot of emotional issues and I don't know how to approach him about them.

    I know that he binge-eats a lot. Multiple times my mum and I have found A LOT of food packages hidden in his room - his closet, underneath his bed and behind his desk. When asked why he goes very quiet and becomes very upset. One time he said he didn't know why and cried.

    He has really low self esteem and confidence. He's been bullied several times at school (even by people in lower years than him). I also fear that he doesn't feel like he's clever enough. He's told my Mum that he feels the pressure of living up to my achievements, especially my offer from Cambridge, even though that's a load of nonsense and he shouldn't worry about what I've done.

    Our Mum also has anger issues. She frequently explodes at us and sometimes hits us. Yesterday she started screaming at my brother for staying on his computer too long, saying "If you're spending so long doing homework on your computer, why didn't you get better grades in your mocks?!" I thought it was so awful and when I went to comfort him he was crying again. Other times she is a loving mother and works hard to support me and my brother. She's also worried too, but sometime she just can't control herself.

    I really want to help him. He shouldn't have to deal with this alone. But I don't know what "this" is or how to even begin. Every time I try and broach the subject with him he just shuts down or brushes it off like it's nothing.

    I can't reach out to friends or family because I never tell them about my situation at home and doing so would probably do more bad than good.

    Please help me TSR!
    Let him know how important he is to you, and that he is loved. Give him a hug, and just talk to him about life in general.

    If you feel brave enough, tell him something you've never told anyone else, as this will show that you are open and won't judge. Listen to him and be gentle, as 15 is a tough age. At 15 I wasn't sure about anything, and I was volatile because I was scared of the pressure. I thought I had to live up to my brothers achievements, but I don't.

    Offer to help him with his work, and be a caring and considerate role model. Stand up to your mum if she says things like that again, and speak to her about it. Protect him! I wish my brother had done that for me, but he had other things going on. I love him very much though, and I'd protect him if I could.

    I found our when I was 12 that my brother was very badly bullied, but he convinced himself it was normal, and never did anything about it, he never told anyone. When I found out, I was so upset. It hurt me more than it hurt him. I never told him because it was too scared, and we no longer really speak. Sometimes he comes home and it just gets us fighting again, but I know that he found it tough.


    Sorry for going off on a tangent. I hope your brother it's okay, and you both deserve hugs. Give him an anonymous hug from me. Just say a friend told you to pass on a hug. I admire you for being concerned, and being such a good older brother.
 
 
 
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