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I feel like I'm struggling with life at university Watch

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    (Original post by 408655)
    You're most welcome

    I would love to be studying in London... there are so many things I miss about the city, this place sucks so bad urgh
    Haha that's weird because I kinda wanted to study in Brighton lol and get away from the city I suppose (plus I like Brighton)! Sussex campus looks nice

    What do you miss about the city? I suppose there's quite a bit to do here
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    (Original post by MoonRocket)
    Haha that's weird because I kinda wanted to study in Brighton lol and get away from the city I suppose (plus I like Brighton)! Sussex campus looks nice

    What do you miss about the city? I suppose there's quite a bit to do here
    Perhaps we could swap for some time

    Once I settled in last term, it was sort of okay for me. But then after a while, it started to become a bit boring because I felt that something important to me was missing. Though I don't know if the same thing would happen to you if you came here

    Lots of my friends live in London... but I also like being in a very lively, vibrant and huge city
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    I have also struggled to make any friends at university. My university was my insurance but luckily I got a place and I lived in halls for the first few months and it was horrendous. It was a shared bathroom situation and after a night out, all my flatmates would wreck the bathroom and the cleaners most of the time would refuse to clean it. I did get along with my flatmates but never really fitted in with them. They love clubbing whereas I find it dreadful. I do drink but never to that extent. It's never fun. I was also 45 minutes away from the main campus so we were pretty much isolated from the majority of the other students. I've had no trouble making friends in my primary and secondary school but having to start completely fresh and not knowing anyone really made me feel quite overwhelmed and really brought out my shyness. I joined a few societies but most of the members were already friends with each other that I felt quite left out. This left me very lonely and isolated that I did decide to move out and commute. It does take me roughly an hour and a half but I do live in London, a city I adore and I do have friends that also commute to uni in London, although I'm hoping to transfer next year. When I lived at uni, even though I was surrounded by people, I felt completely lonely and felt that I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Now, I actually embrace the fact that I'm alone. It gives me the chance to do whatever I want to do rather than do whatever everyone else is doing and has actually made me a much more confident person.Hopefully things go right for you
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    Your problem is the making friends and the lack of confidence. Uni is supposed to help you find yourself. You need confidence in this dog-eat-dog world. You need to have some sort of charisma. Some people find it early in their their childhood, others not until after uni.

    Might I suggest you try look for a part-time job? I have never really had a problem with confidence (unless I was surrounded with a group of cliques). But, when I had a job, it made me extra confident because I had to talk to randomers and face a lot of different people. This might be good for your self-esteem problem. No matter, which uni you'd go to - you will HAVE to put in the effort to make friends and maintain them. That is life. You get what you earn really. If you never made the effort to make friends during Freshers, then now - unfortunately, you are reaping those consequences.

    A therapist isn't used for people who have mental health problems - that's usually for psychiatrists. Therapists are used for lots of reasons, if someone is feeling lonely, truamtized, fear, anxiety, stress, etc. I would recommend seeing one because they can help you with your confidence and give you some tricks and tips to help you.
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    (Original post by The Empire Odyssey)
    Your problem is the making friends and the lack of confidence. Uni is supposed to help you find yourself. You need confidence in this dog-eat-dog world. You need to have some sort of charisma. Some people find it early in their their childhood, others not until after uni.

    Might I suggest you try look for a part-time job? I have never really had a problem with confidence (unless I was surrounded with a group of cliques). But, when I had a job, it made me extra confident because I had to talk to randomers and face a lot of different people. This might be good for your self-esteem problem. No matter, which uni you'd go to - you will HAVE to put in the effort to make friends and maintain them. That is life. You get what you earn really. If you never made the effort to make friends during Freshers, then now - unfortunately, you are reaping those consequences.

    A therapist isn't used for people who have mental health problems - that's usually for psychiatrists. Therapists are used for lots of reasons, if someone is feeling lonely, truamtized, fear, anxiety, stress, etc. I would recommend seeing one because they can help you with your confidence and give you some tricks and tips to help you.
    Hello Thank you for your post, it is really helpful

    My confidence and friend making abilities is still a continued work in progress and I try my best to push myself out of my comfort zone whenever a possible opportunity comes. Though I still struggle with my insecurities as I always worry in my mind what other people think of my looks as it is of human nature to make judgments when they first meet a person.
    Like today, I went to an afternoon tea where other students are looking to find housemates to live with for next year. I think I did pretty well in talking to everyone as we all swapped phone numbers in the end before we left, but I couldn't help thinking what other people think of my looks. I have become obsessed with this thought and continuously looking at myself in the mirror everyday not able to decide if whether or not I meet the standards to which other people like their friends to look like.

    I like the idea of a part time job and I didn't think such a thing will help me in this way. The SU is advertising some jobs now, I will look into them and I shall also look into therapy
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    (Original post by SP1896)
    I have also struggled to make any friends at university. My university was my insurance but luckily I got a place and I lived in halls for the first few months and it was horrendous. It was a shared bathroom situation and after a night out, all my flatmates would wreck the bathroom and the cleaners most of the time would refuse to clean it. I did get along with my flatmates but never really fitted in with them. They love clubbing whereas I find it dreadful. I do drink but never to that extent. It's never fun. I was also 45 minutes away from the main campus so we were pretty much isolated from the majority of the other students. I've had no trouble making friends in my primary and secondary school but having to start completely fresh and not knowing anyone really made me feel quite overwhelmed and really brought out my shyness. I joined a few societies but most of the members were already friends with each other that I felt quite left out. This left me very lonely and isolated that I did decide to move out and commute. It does take me roughly an hour and a half but I do live in London, a city I adore and I do have friends that also commute to uni in London, although I'm hoping to transfer next year. When I lived at uni, even though I was surrounded by people, I felt completely lonely and felt that I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Now, I actually embrace the fact that I'm alone. It gives me the chance to do whatever I want to do rather than do whatever everyone else is doing and has actually made me a much more confident person.Hopefully things go right for you
    Hello Having to start somewhere completely new has also been one of my worst fears and one of my biggest challenges, though it is the only thing which has pushed me out of my comfort zone.
    When I was reading your post, I wondered if you ever feel like you are lonely being in a huge city? Sometimes, I do enjoy being lonely as it gives me a chance to unwind and reflect while doing the things which I enjoy most. However if I spend too much time alone, I begin to feel bored or depressed.
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    I know how you feel about the drinking and smoking. Where I live (it's calmed down) at the start of the year i'd be up to 4am often.

    Students would go crazy playing loud music and partying. It drove me up the walls. It will plateau and stop though so you should get used to it soon.

    It's pathetic that no one wants to do anything other than drink. I've tried to find people like that but I can't..

    I get very lonely aswell and it can get me very depressed too. I suggest going to the library and studying, at least it will get you out of the room. Also on weekends when it is quiet go into town, go to the cafe and eat something, maybe even do some clothes shopping. Just try and find something to get you out of the house so you aren't depressed.
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    (Original post by 408655)
    University of Sussex

    It definitely is incredibly hard if you can't find the right group of friends!
    Have to agree. I'm a nice person aswell but I haven't cliqued with anyone.

    Feel like I have to make all the effort and my classmates aren't interested at all!
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    (Original post by Uyi 95)
    it is

    University is pain. I had similar reasons to you why i went. I never got along with my parents and it drove me to madness so university was a escape.

    But because i'm socially inept due to my mental health, i can never have friends. I think you are over exaggerating from reading more of your post. Continue joining your lgbt people and reastically just focus on your degree. You only have two and half more years left whilst i'm stuck for 3/4 and a half more years of pain
    That's horrible to think that. I don't have any friends here, However, I plan to make some.

    I would drop out after the second year if I didn't make any friends by then.
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    (Original post by 408655)
    I also don't like going to clubs because I find that the incredibly loud music can perhaps become deafening, well atleast that is what I felt the last time I went into a club and have never been inside one since
    I don't understand the drinking either. I've tried to understand it and do it but it never works...

    Don't see why people just don't go out for food/cinema. Is that not better than drinking? Sometimes I wonder if people just do it because everyone else does?
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    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    That's horrible to think that. I don't have any friends here, However, I plan to make some.

    I would drop out after the second year if I didn't make any friends by then.
    That's what im going to do if next year don't improve however it is possible i may drop out after this joke of a foundation year course im doing. The structure of foundation year and first year is the reason why making friends in the course is a tragedy.

    Are you in first year as well?
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    I'm doing a foundation year too. I kinda regret doing it as I already have A levels.

    I find it hard to make friends with foundation year. They don't make any effort, also the make up of it will reduce it.
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    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    Have to agree. I'm a nice person aswell but I haven't cliqued with anyone.

    Feel like I have to make all the effort and my classmates aren't interested at all!
    I totally agree with you. Sometimes we just get the impression that they don't have much interest in being friends. I figured that it helps to make yourself look interesting to them.. but most often, I struggle to come across as 'interesting' as they desire an ideal friend to be
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    (Original post by Uyi 95)
    That's what im going to do if next year don't improve however it is possible i may drop out after this joke of a foundation year course im doing. The structure of foundation year and first year is the reason why making friends in the course is a tragedy.

    Are you in first year as well?
    (Original post by Frostyjoe)
    I'm doing a foundation year too. I kinda regret doing it as I already have A levels.

    I find it hard to make friends with foundation year. They don't make any effort, also the make up of it will reduce it.
    I am doing a foundation year too!

    So I'm assuming that both of you are at Sussex too?
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    (Original post by 408655)
    I am doing a foundation year too!

    So I'm assuming that both of you are at Sussex too?
    No

    I'm in Northampton doing my foundation year

    Either way do you enjoy your foundation year course?
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    (Original post by Uyi 95)
    No

    I'm in Northampton doing my foundation year

    Either way do you enjoy your foundation year course?
    Not really, I find that the content is never so interesting or appealing to me because it focuses on a wide range of topics in bio & chem which I don't really have much interest in. We also have to do laboratory practicals and the experimental write ups, both of which make me want to shoot myself as I having no desire to do anything practical in my degree. I am only doing this foundation year so that I can progress onto the degree that I want to do which I never had the right A levels for.

    When people here ask me what I'm studying, I feel slightly embarrassed to say that I'm doing a foundation year ever since a member of staff here in our school said a few months ago to a student on my course that "there is no one to help you for your level of study".
    Instead I just say the degree which I want to do after this year. It just so happens to be that a fair amount of the people who I meet wherever this may be are actually studying this degree... so when they ask me questions about how the modules or the lecturers, I fear that I may have to reveal to them I'm actually doing the foundation year.

    Can anyone relate to this?
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    (Original post by 408655)
    I totally agree with you. Sometimes we just get the impression that they don't have much interest in being friends. I figured that it helps to make yourself look interesting to them.. but most often, I struggle to come across as 'interesting' as they desire an ideal friend to be
    I think they just find me indifferent. I don't know what i'd have to do to seem interesting to them, maybe nothing.

    People keep telling me it's going to be different next year but I don't know. Why would it? Wouldn't people have the same desires to make friendships in a foundation year? (If they were going to ever make friends?)
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    (Original post by 408655)
    I am doing a foundation year too!

    So I'm assuming that both of you are at Sussex too?
    Naw i'm at UEA.
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    (Original post by 408655)
    Not really, I find that the content is never so interesting or appealing to me because it focuses on a wide range of topics in bio & chem which I don't really have much interest in. We also have to do laboratory practicals and the experimental write ups, both of which make me want to shoot myself as I having no desire to do anything practical in my degree. I am only doing this foundation year so that I can progress onto the degree that I want to do which I never had the right A levels for.

    When people here ask me what I'm studying, I feel slightly embarrassed to say that I'm doing a foundation year ever since a member of staff here in our school said a few months ago to a student on my course that "there is no one to help you for your level of study".
    Instead I just say the degree which I want to do after this year. It just so happens to be that a fair amount of the people who I meet wherever this may be are actually studying this degree... so when they ask me questions about how the modules or the lecturers, I fear that I may have to reveal to them I'm actually doing the foundation year.

    Can anyone relate to this?
    YES! I cringe about it aswell! Most of the time people don't ask but if they do I just lie and say i'm in first year doing 'such and such'. To me it's embaressing, as I do have A Levels (BBB), I got accepted into two degrees but I didn't want to do them.

    I kinda regret not doing them now because i'm at least a year behind my age group. I know it doesn't matter but I hate wasting my time, when they're done i'll still have two years left.

    I always feel like people assume that foundation years are for stupid people. The reason why I personally did it was because I didn't do A Levels in the right subjects, nothing to do with being stupid or failing my subjects. I'm an intelligent person and very capable of doing a degree at this stage.
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    (Original post by 408655)
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    Exactly all this you have mentioned.

    I study in the arts department (where all people from different subjects doing an art degree like music, media, fine art etc) and nothing interest me.

    To make matters worse everybody in my course is a roadman and the people who were in my subject specialism dropped out meaning im the only one in my subject specialism stuck with other losers in their subject specialisms

    I just don't have friends either way hence why im living in a studio flat for next year. My flatmate is a first year in the subject i do in and he is an actual nerd but this term, he is now hanging out with people and has avoided me whenever we have lessons together or even in halls.

    Honest to God, i understand your issue. I seriously don't what advice i can give you. Perhaps just move antisocial and just focus on the degree. University has opened my eyes and as a 21 year old man who people have already gruduated, i feel even more embarassed to be sat with a group of immature 18 year olds.
 
 
 
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