The Student Room Group

Should I have said yes?

My boyfriend asked me if I would like to go to his cousin's wedding with him. I said I'd think about it, and came to the conclusion that I didn't want to go. So I said to him that I wouldn't be going for various reason - namely I'll have only just got back from my year abroad and don't have time to buy an outfit, and I'd have to completely change my plans and go back to the UK earlier if I go, and I've never even met this cousin.

He seems to be really pissed about it. Is it really a big deal? I mean to be honest I don't really want to go for various other reasons too, like the Polish are known for their fun but drunken wedding parties (I don't drink), I don't speak Polish and only a few family members speak a little English, and we'd recently been having some problems and he spoke to his aunt about it. I mean it's like an unwritten rule not to talk about problems with the gf/bf to family, right?...So yeah I'm also a little embarrassed.

Would you be pissed off with your gf/bf if you were in this situation?
Reply 1
Not if it meant you had to come back from your year abroad early - he should understand that. But of course it may just be that he would have liked you there, and thats why he's pissed off : )

Dont feel guilty - just do something nice when you get back so that you can remake the time up to him, if its that big of a deal to him.

How long have you been together though? No actually, I dont think it shouldbe a big deal at all.

Your year abroad must be waaaaaaaay fun! : D You enjoying it?
Reply 2
1.) IF you could read, it says she WOULD be back from her year out.
2.) Of course you can talk to your family about gf issues...they ARE your family after all
3.) You seem to be racially stereotyping all Poles into heavy drinkers. Nice one
Reply 3
Well if you have already made plans... don't worry about it too much :smile: You're bf is probably a bit pissed because he wants you to be there with him thats all... i'm sure he will be fine after a little while... just tell him to go and enjoy the party :smile:
Reply 4
newtothis
1.) IF you could read, it says she WOULD be back from her year out.
2.) Of course you can talk to your family about gf issues...they ARE your family after all
3.) You seem to be racially stereotyping all Poles into heavy drinkers. Nice one


Sorry, I meant that I would be back, but only because I had to be. I would actually be here for a little longer if I didn't go to this wedding.

Calm down. I know lots of Polish people and all the weddings I have heard of have involved a bit of drink. And I know what he is like and some of his family members (the ones I know better than others) so I think I can make a well-informed assuption that there will be drink involved and very likely that my boyfriend (who is really the only person I can speak to) will get drunk and be off talking to all his family while I stand there thinking :confused:
Reply 5
becca0770
Not if it meant you had to come back from your year abroad early - he should understand that. But of course it may just be that he would have liked you there, and thats why he's pissed off : )

Dont feel guilty - just do something nice when you get back so that you can remake the time up to him, if its that big of a deal to him.

How long have you been together though? No actually, I dont think it shouldbe a big deal at all.

Your year abroad must be waaaaaaaay fun! : D You enjoying it?


Thanks for the reply

I think he's annoyed also because I'd planned to travel around the north of Spain for a week with my friend who is also here. Although if I worked until I was officially supposed to, I wouldn't be back any earlier. He seems to think it would be fine for me to cancel on my friend at the last minute when we've been planning this for months.

Yeah it's been good :biggrin: Plus the advantage of no uni work or exams for a year! woo!

oh and we've been together almost 2 years
Reply 6
Mashi
Well if you have already made plans... don't worry about it too much :smile: You're bf is probably a bit pissed because he wants you to be there with him thats all... i'm sure he will be fine after a little while... just tell him to go and enjoy the party :smile:


Yeah I've tried! I mean I think it would be nicer for him to go on his own because the last 2 times he's been to Poland, I have gone as well. So this time he could go and not have to worry about me being left out and that and he could really have a good catch up with his family..
Reply 7
Not sure about this one...I think its real sweet of him to ask u though, as he wants u to meet his family and is obviously serious about u, so he probably feels disappointed in you. But if you're not ready for it and it would be too much of a hassle for you to go then theres nothing that can be done about it really.
Reply 8
It's not that I'm not ready. I mean I've already met the family that's closest to him - mum, dad, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. It's just that it's bad timing and I don't feel I should suddenly have to change all my plans that have been made since October for a cousin I've never met's wedding..Especially seeing as they're not just my plans. My friend would have to change all her plans too, and I've just found out she's already booked our tickets home for us because we'd agreed on a date before this wedding stuff came up. So it would mean changing those too.
Reply 9
I've just come out of a relationship where I spent a long time trying to please my bf by ignoring any plans I ever made with my friends, only to realise that it wasn't worth it.
I'm sure that your bf is a lot less of an ar*se than my ex, but in any case, just do what you want. You're only going to regret it and be p*ssed of at him anyway.
Reply 10
Ok thats confusing... why are posting this if you TRUELY didnt wanna go? If you dont wanna travel... fair enough... put your reasons seem a bit like excuses...

Apart from that... hes wanting you to cancel plans!? DONT! lol go to SPAIN! Its a lush place! And you wont forget it! Just dont cheat on him... heck... that might be what hes worried about! lol

I agree with LilyRose too! If one of my girls were like... "OH! Dont go to uni! Come with to *insert boring place here*!" I'd literally tell her to go **** herself! Unless I wanted to go... in that case Id be like "yeah Ill come... but you gotta pay!" lol ;grin;
Reply 11
Yeah I've always been an independent one so I don't find it easy to change my plans just because someone else wants me to do something else at the last minute.. oh and LilyRose, i totally get what you mean. I know if I didn't go I would just be pissed off and not enjoy the wedding anyway, and probably hold it against him for spoiling my fun week. haha.

I was posting to see if people thought I was being unreasonable in saying I didnt want to go to his cousin's wedding. Also there is no chance I would cheat on him, and I've already been here since September so I'm pretty sure cheating isn't something he's worried about
newtothis: I think you might be right...........I dont think I CAN read.........I mean, I just looked at your profile, and I could have sworn it said something about you being an absolute ******...............strange.

Better brush up on my reading skills before I sit my A Levels, huh?

Thanks for the heads up - God knows where I'd be without someone as intelligent and perceptive as you. Thank you - thank you for the words *sobs*
Reply 13
Well im sure you have ur answer then, it was perfectly reasonable for you to say no I dont wanna go... It was unreasonable for him to ask you, well atleast he did lol

And becca0770 and newtothis... STOP BEEFING! lol actually carry on... its quite funny! lol
Reply 14
Snowfall
I was posting to see if people thought I was being unreasonable in saying I didnt want to go to his cousin's wedding.


No! You've got plans with a mate, who will be really put out if you don't go. That's not unreasonable at all. He'll get over it :biggrin:.
haha : D
Reply 16
Thanks all :smile:
Reply 17
Snowfall
the Polish are known for their fun but drunken wedding parties (I don't drink),


What the hell wedding doesn't involve lots of drunkeness and trying to sleep with bridesmaids/best men? Isn't that true of all weddings?
If i'm not mistaken, aren't many Polish weddings week-long as far as celebrations go??? Quite an elongated process, so i've been told.
Reply 19
white_haired_wizard
If i'm not mistaken, aren't many Polish weddings week-long as far as celebrations go??? Quite an elongated process, so i've been told.


No.