Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

[LONG] depressed rant - don't know what to think anymore Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Trigger? I don't know if it'll trigger someone so I'm not sure - just in case

    This will be long and if it is found then RIP me but I can't keep it in any longer

    I'm a girl, in year 13 now - but allow me to fill you in on my 2015
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Jan 2015 - I found out my father was cheating. The girl was a foreign student who came to study for a PhD or something. It broke me, obviously, but what's even worse was him forcing us to visit the ***** in hospital after she had an accident, and forcing my mother to take care of her. Because of her, my family was falling apart, new drama everyday, family fueds, daily arguments the whole nine yards. It got really bad ... like really bad. I started self-harming.

    Feb/ March 2015 - ***** went back home for treatment because she was so ****ed up from the accident - serves her right. Everything calmed down for a bit but dad was still distant

    April/ May 2015 - AS exams coming up, stressed to the max, schoolwork ****ed up, can't think straight, depressed as **** - I tried my best. Dad taking his anger out on us - mainly younger brother

    June 2015 - Exam season - quiet thank God - got Bs and Cs

    July 2015 - more problems, brother and dad fighting, brother runs away from home, social services involved, police involved, many investigations, running round the streets and interrogating his friends trying to find him

    he missed my birthday... that really hurt a lot

    August/ September 2015 - Brother came home and mum took him away for a holiday to clear his head and calm him down. I was left with my dad and 5 kids to take care of. Dad - not having mum to argue with - starts arguing with me. He didn't want us staying with my aunt's (mum's sis) for some reason but she helped me out so i wanted to stay = arguments. We were moving between their house and our house like every other day

    I don't get it because he was never home anyway
    It was Hell - worrying about dinner, bills and back to school shopping by yourself and I got sick with the flu during that time too
    Being a single mum is tough as **** guys
    Especially when school started and I had to put the kids in breakfast and afterschool clubs
    Started self harming again during this period

    September - November 2015 - Spent this time adjusting to life without my brother who decided to stay abroad because he didn't wanna come home and deal with this and he needed some time to himself so he stayed with his uncles, aunts and grandma. Also recovering from that *****y summer that I wanted to spend reading ahead for A2 following *****y AS results - but didn't have time to recover with A2 having started. Dad ended up following brother there - and for 3 months he was gone, occasionally got a phone call that him and my brother had a fight and we had to somehow talk sense into them from abroad.
    Also gained a lot of weight during this period due to comfort eating, lowering my self esteem and ruining my health.

    December 2015 - Dad comes back without bro (couldn't convince bro to come back) and after 3 months of being completely absent from our lives he decides he wants to go see his mum and brothers who live in London before seeing us and spent the whole of December at their house coming over like once a week... so much for missing us huh?

    January 2016 - finally convinced brother to come home, he missed us and wanted to work on his education and getting his life back on track after that whole mess. Stopped self harming again... and that brings us to present day!
    Anyway I'm finding it hard right now to recover from everything in the spoiler
    I had such a *****y year and no matter how hard I try I just can't move on and bounce back I've been so down despite things having calmed down now and it's February, I haven't started my revision and I need 'A's for what I wanna do. I know I'm so screwed but I can't seem to snap out of it, I feel like I'm in a trance.

    I'm struggling to get myself out of bed, and struggling to stay awake after coming home from school. All I want to do is sleep my sorrows away. I don't know why - there's no active problems at home anymore. Anyway I had to get this off my chest...

    Thanks for reading if you did - feel free to say anything you want.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Year 13 I.e. 17, 18 or 19 and mum of five? Already? Correct me if I'm wrong pls

    Trauma can feel like it lasts forever in some cases. Maybe get some therapy to help you adjust.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Apprehensive times. It's understandable you feel this way, that is a lot of **** to go through in a year.

    It is February, there are a good few months till exams, you have enough time, more than enough, make it a total priority over everything bar mandatory things. Last year was a total write off, nothing you can do now, your Dad seems a toxic person unfortunately. You're going to Uni this year right? Focus on that, you'll be well away from your family problems there, you can do it. Not much anyone can say about your family without being unrealistic/uninformed/insensitive. But it does totally dysfunctional. Not only A Levels, but also prioritise your own happiness from now. Do things you used to enjoy or try something new, anything, something to give you a sense of achievement and build your motivation/confidence again.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    No her mum took her brother to calm him down and she had to stay with her 5 siblings
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Year 13 I.e. 17, 18 or 19 and mum of five? Already? Correct me if I'm wrong pls

    Trauma can feel like it lasts forever in some cases. Maybe get some therapy to help you adjust.
    17, mum went away so had to take care of 5 younger siblings without dad = essentially mum of 5 yupp
    thank you i'll look for something

    (Original post by somemightsay888)
    Apprehensive times. It's understandable you feel this way, that is a lot of **** to go through in a year.

    It is February, there are a good few months till exams, you have enough time, more than enough, make it a total priority over everything bar mandatory things. Last year was a total write off, nothing you can do now, your Dad seems a toxic person unfortunately. You're going to Uni this year right? Focus on that, you'll be well away from your family problems there, you can do it. Not much anyone can say about your family without being unrealistic/uninformed/insensitive. But it does totally dysfunctional. Not only A Levels, but also prioritise your own happiness from now. Do things you used to enjoy or try something new, anything, something to give you a sense of achievement and build your motivation/confidence again.
    Yeah...
    It is dysfunctional - I blame my dad entirely tbh
    I'll try and get my **** together and get myself into uni and away - I've been trying to since like september and it hasnt worked but maybe if I try really hard I can do it
    thanks for the advice
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Sorry to bump this thread but didn't wanna make a new one
    does anyone know how to get help to recover mentally without having to have my parents notified?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 1, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    How are your GCSEs going so far?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.