Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Eating out with another woman Watch

Announcements
  • View Poll Results: Eating out with another woman is cheating
    yes
    15
    28.30%
    no
    38
    71.70%

    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    I misread the title at first as something much dirtier :colondollar:
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ronda Rousey)
    This always happens on TSR. People take things too literally.

    of course when people make statements about society like I have, they never mean for every possible instance that could occur. What they mean is for most instances this is the rule, but ofc like any rule there will be a few exceptions.

    Like one guy already said he has platonic female friends, and I'm sure he does. What he failed to mention however is that these friends are likely ugly, or he's specifically not attracted to them.

    if he was attracted to them, it would be impossible for them to be 100% platonic friends.
    I took into account that you obviously didn't mean literally, but the statement still wasn't of much use. Your argument is in parts tautological, and in parts just wrong.

    Of course it's impossible to be platonic friends if one party is sexually attracted to the other because that's the definition of not being platonic friends, to not have any sexual feelings.

    Guys cant be completely 100% platonic friends with girls even if they have the slightest attraction to them.
    So, most guys will want to have sex with every girl they have a slight attraction to? Is that your point? I mean, again, assuming we're talking about sexual attractions, then that's the very definition of sexual attraction, to want to have sex with them. So, the exact same thing can be said about girls.

    Maybe you mean something like, the attraction of a guy towards a girl is usually primarily sexual, whereas the attraction of a girl to a guy is usually primarily romantic, or something of that ilk? But as you see, that's light years away from your original statements.

    Also, you say that a guy with a girlfriend is the only way a guy cannot want to have sex with a girl that he usually would want to have sex with (I paraphrased but I'm assuming that's what you meant). I don't know about that either, I don't think sexual urges vanish if you've got a girlfriend. I assume (see, so many assumptions, you should really type what you mean to say!) that you mean because he's having sex with his girlfriend, so doesn't need anyone else? I think sexual urges towards others are diminished if you're having sex with someone, but they don't go away. (Also, biologically speaking, it's evolutionarily advantageous for guys to seek extra-couple sex with as many girls as possible.) I still think you get that sexual attraction to other people, you just don't act on it if you're in a monogamous relationship. So a guy being in a relationship doesn't make him suddenly platonic to all his female friends.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Would you feel comfortable with your gf going for dinner with another lad?
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HappyLifting)
    Would you feel comfortable with your gf going for dinner with another lad?
    Completely, because I'm not paranoid that she will leave me for another. Relationships take trust, and if you think her going out for food with another guy is going to weaken your relationship with her, you've got some some issues you need to have a look at.

    Plus, let's say she's bisexual. Would you ban her from going eating in anyone else's vicinity but your own? It's all a bit silly, let people eat with who they wanna eat with, it doesn't have to mean anything more than that.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _Bright Eyes)
    Friends often echo opinions, just to back up their friend. I bet if she'd have described having dinner with a guy friend, they would have had the opposite opinion.

    No, there's nothing objectively wrong with it, but you already know this. I would not consider it cheating if a partner did it.
    The only legit concern is the unknown, like what was I supposedly doing while I was visiting my friend "besides" eating, blah blah. Idk I'm just annoyed that in her head she's either labeled me as that type of person after everything I do/that she's dramatic.

    (Original post by _Bright Eyes)
    Very controlling girlfriend. Time to get rid ^_^. Freeeedommm!!!
    I think she's trying to act controlling since I'm normally the controlling one. Well not controlling in a negative sense, since she's quite submissive on her own. I will say she is demanding though, not controlling. And the demands comes from...not a very good place I bet. But we're still learning about each other soooo yea.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Another)
    Unless by "traditional" you mean "strict muslim who doesn't believe in free mixing", I'm not entirely sure how you get to age 23 without visiting a friend for lunch :lolwut:
    You're... on the same maturity level right?
    lmao
    and er no she's not Muslim but she's from a Sikh family if that means anything, she however is not so clean cut pious and traditional but I guess she has old fashioned ways or something? So I guess certain levels of intimacy between two uncommitted people, albeit platonic and innocent, is frowned down upon or something. Idk I'm not Sikh I don't care. Just trying to see it from her pretty little eyes.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _Bright Eyes)
    Completely, because I'm not paranoid that she will leave me for another. Relationships take trust, and if you think her going out for food with another guy is going to weaken your relationship with her, you've got some some issues you need to have a look at.

    Plus, let's say she's bisexual. Would you ban her from going eating in anyone else's vicinity but your own? It's all a bit silly, let people eat with who they wanna eat with, it doesn't have to mean anything more than that.
    :congrats: was trying to avoid this word but someone else mentioned it so I guess I'm onto something

    lmao banning from eating with someone else; she's trying to do that it feels. I mean someone said we should've gone out to eat instead of me going to her house personally but I mean I've known her for hella long and it's just...what we do? In public it would look like we're on a date and trying to form something. At her house for anyone who knows us they know I would go to her house and vice versa but my girl is intimidated because well my friend is a bit curvier and wears makeup and whatever. Silliness like that.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mango peeler)
    So if I am with a woman already and then go to eat with someone else that's not suspect behaviour? I mean I agree it's not but I know some women think that and my girlfriend is one of them; I just want to make sure it's not delusional insecurity.
    If you know that you want to flirt, yes, it is cheating. However, it can be a girl who is a good and old friend of yours. I can't image any girl will ever understand that men have female friends.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ronda Rousey)
    I love how all of a sudden you're suddenly as guru on relationships, when you're the one that made this thread :facepalm:
    :hmmm:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BenJess)
    If you know that you want to flirt, yes, it is cheating. However, it can be a girl who is a good and old friend of yours. I can't image any girl will ever understand that men have female friends.
    Yea throughout the thread I elaborated on our friendship but didn't want to saturate the OP with info.
    So yes we're old friends, known her 10 years span with on/off active friendship considering moving locations etc. I went to visit my childhood area where she still is, since my being away for Uni, and reunited with her among many other people and my girl had a tit fit about that. We're still learning about each other so our chemistry will be on a different level than my friend's, as far as the joking and whatever. She just has to understand that and the people who know us personally, the fault here is split between she needs to get over it or I f*cked up.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _Bright Eyes)
    I took into account that you obviously didn't mean literally, but the statement still wasn't of much use. Your argument is in parts tautological, and in parts just wrong.

    Of course it's impossible to be platonic friends if one party is sexually attracted to the other because that's the definition of not being platonic friends, to not have any sexual feelings.



    So, most guys will want to have sex with every girl they have a slight attraction to? Is that your point? I mean, again, assuming we're talking about sexual attractions, then that's the very definition of sexual attraction, to want to have sex with them. So, the exact same thing can be said about girls.

    Maybe you mean something like, the attraction of a guy towards a girl is usually primarily sexual, whereas the attraction of a girl to a guy is usually primarily romantic, or something of that ilk? But as you see, that's light years away from your original statements.

    Also, you say that a guy with a girlfriend is the only way a guy cannot want to have sex with a girl that he usually would want to have sex with (I paraphrased but I'm assuming that's what you meant). I don't know about that either, I don't think sexual urges vanish if you've got a girlfriend. I assume (see, so many assumptions, you should really type what you mean to say!) that you mean because he's having sex with his girlfriend, so doesn't need anyone else? I think sexual urges towards others are diminished if you're having sex with someone, but they don't go away. (Also, biologically speaking, it's evolutionarily advantageous for guys to seek extra-couple sex with as many girls as possible.) I still think you get that sexual attraction to other people, you just don't act on it if you're in a monogamous relationship. So a guy being in a relationship doesn't make him suddenly platonic to all his female friends.
    lmao I was thinking that I was read, I was thinking, exactly, wanting to have sex doesn't magically disappear :lolwut: if anything for many men it intensifies because now you're with someone and some see it as entrapment lol that's when discipline comes into key and I feel I have that.

    But to be honest I've no idea what Ronda is really on about anyway.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I've been with my partner for five years now, and if he went out for a meal with a female friend I couldn't care less and if I went out with a male friend to eat, which I have done regularly, he would feel the same.
    I think it's a bit bizarre that eating with a friend that is of the same gender as your partner can be classed as cheating? If you were going out for a romantic candlelit dinner then I would say that's different. What if you were to go for something to eat with a female colleague during your lunch break? Would that be OK?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HappyLifting)
    Would you feel comfortable with your gf going for dinner with another lad?
    Lol I can't be made upset about silly **** like that. I don't feel she's so loose to just have sex or develop feelings with some dude just because there's a pizza between them or whatever they would be eating. If she turns out to be that way, no way I don't find out, and when I do she gets the ax, simple. No tangents waiting for her to walk through the door like :noway: lol she can have male mates whatever. :lolwut: If anything the issue would be between me and males who know we're together and try to talk to her.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    If any female is with a guy and mad he has female friends and doesn't abandon them all of a sudden for you,

    you need to A: dump him
    or B: pluck up the courage and address the female since you feel any female is competition, clearly. Don't passive aggressively attack your partner when the real issue is you fearing the random female will snag your man.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MMcG2015)
    I've been with my partner for five years now, and if he went out for a meal with a female friend I couldn't care less and if I went out with a male friend to eat, which I have done regularly, he would feel the same.
    I think it's a bit bizarre that eating with a friend that is of the same gender as your partner can be classed as cheating? If you were going out for a romantic candlelit dinner then I would say that's different. What if you were to go for something to eat with a female colleague during your lunch break? Would that be OK?
    Part of me was almost feeling guilty this whole time since she's giving me silent treatment. But that literally is what it was, well basically that situation. I got out of class after work and instead of going straight home I went to have a bite with a friend. She phoned me up beforehand and casually asked how I am like whenever we speak. I told her I can't wait to relax and eat... after a long day etc etc, and she said she is cooking and it happens to be my favourite meal (which she would know since we know each other). No one is too good to turn down food so I went to pick up a plate but you know she's still cooking. So I sat down...not gonna stand lol...and now that I am sitting down I am relaxing. Only had my shoes off since no one I know wears shoes inside lol then we start chatting while I wait for the food. So that's the whole...image for you right there lol

    lmao romantic candle lit dinner. Dont think I've ever lit candles for dinner. Maybe for a birthday cake :rofl:

    The issue with females normally is, that I might like the other female more. The issue with males is sex and having sex with another person. My girlfriend weirdly is worried about both :facepalm2: lol So whether it was a cheeseburger, ice cream cone or fancy wine and dine, she would be angry.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sae.HH)
    Ayyy

    If they're a friend then I wouldn't say so, but it could count as emotional cheating or something :dontknow:
    Yea I guess. As stupidly theoretical as that is.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mango peeler)
    Part of me was almost feeling guilty this whole time since she's giving me silent treatment. But that literally is what it was, well basically that situation. I got out of class after work and instead of going straight home I went to have a bite with a friend. She phoned me up beforehand and casually asked how I am like whenever we speak. I told her I can't wait to relax and eat... after a long day etc etc, and she said she is cooking and it happens to be my favourite meal (which she would know since we know each other). No one is too good to turn down food so I went to pick up a plate but you know she's still cooking. So I sat down...not gonna stand lol...and now that I am sitting down I am relaxing. Only had my shoes off since no one I know wears shoes inside lol then we start chatting while I wait for the food. So that's the whole...image for you right there lol

    lmao romantic candle lit dinner. Dont think I've ever lit candles for dinner. Maybe for a birthday cake :rofl:

    The issue with females normally is, that I might like the other female more. The issue with males is sex and having sex with another person. My girlfriend weirdly is worried about both :facepalm2: lol So whether it was a cheeseburger, ice cream cone or fancy wine and dine, she would be angry.
    Yeah I see what you mean. I have a female friend in a similar situation who has cut all contact with male friends because her boyfriend doesn't like it..
    With you still getting to know each other it could just be new relationship anxieties? I would just keep reassuring her, it's a pain to keep having to reassure people when you know that you aren't actually doing anything wrong. But hopefully she will eventually get the picture and relax a bit. If I were to go for dinner with a male friend, I wouldn't feel the need to 'check in' so to speak, I would maybe speak to him later on and say I went out with so and so but that would be the extent of it. It could be an age thing too? (I'm 26 next month, he's 30).
    I think it's just one of those things where I couldn't be bothered to be in a constant mood over what they were up to or who they were with. If somebody is going to cheat, they are going to do it regardless of whether you get pi**ed off or not, so what good does it do?
    Just don't give her any reason to doubt you, be reassuring and eventually she will feel secure enough to not stress herself out
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MMcG2015)
    Yeah I see what you mean. I have a female friend in a similar situation who has cut all contact with male friends because her boyfriend doesn't like it..
    With you still getting to know each other it could just be new relationship anxieties? I would just keep reassuring her, it's a pain to keep having to reassure people when you know that you aren't actually doing anything wrong. But hopefully she will eventually get the picture and relax a bit. If I were to go for dinner with a male friend, I wouldn't feel the need to 'check in' so to speak, I would maybe speak to him later on and say I went out with so and so but that would be the extent of it. It could be an age thing too? (I'm 26 next month, he's 30).
    I think it's just one of those things where I couldn't be bothered to be in a constant mood over what they were up to or who they were with. If somebody is going to cheat, they are going to do it regardless of whether you get pi**ed off or not, so what good does it do?
    Just don't give her any reason to doubt you, be reassuring and eventually she will feel secure enough to not stress herself out
    That's like...pre-abuse right there. Abandoning friends is the first sign of an abusive partner. It's hard to do that, so the person demanding it will obviously feel a great sense of strange relief but also like they can tell you to do anything. It normally is with men making women cut off contact with others like men and women can be great friends if they're mature. I've had life saving female mates and I've helped a lot of female friends as well and it's for life. I would never stop talking to them because of the person I'm with who I can easily say bye-bye to.

    Like how dare you make me stop talking to her? Or even try? Do you know what she's done for me and vice versa? **** sake man. Now I'm getting angry again :rofl:

    Also I'm 24, she will be 24 in a couple weeks.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mango peeler)
    lmao I was thinking that I was read, I was thinking, exactly, wanting to have sex doesn't magically disappear :lolwut: if anything for many men it intensifies because now you're with someone and some see it as entrapment lol that's when discipline comes into key and I feel I have that.

    But to be honest I've no idea what Ronda is really on about anyway.
    I think I scared him out of the thread with my uber long post :/
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 3, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Should Spain allow Catalonia to declare independence?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.