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Guys, do you feel insecure when your girlfriend is making more money than you? Watch

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    (Original post by chikane)
    I think he lives at home with his parents as he goes to them for money when he is broke. I would feel ashamed asking my parents for cash unless i was unemployed which this guy isn't.
    See I just don't get it then, unless they're making him pay say £400 a month and pay for all costs he incurs (food, 100% of percentage of bills he may attribute to etc) he shouldn't struggle like he does, certainly he shouldn't need to borrow money.

    Though there was mention of a car loan....getting a car you can't realistically afford could dent things...distance needed to travel to the job might impact too I suppose.
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    (Original post by ellej93)
    Just curious on other guys view on this issue. I have been in a six years relationship and we ended badly.
    no.

    If I was a bum maybe, but im happy where im at ...and if shes earning more fair fecks to her.

    as for one of us staying at home minding the kids thats another story
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    See I just don't get it then, unless they're making him pay say £400 a month and pay for all costs he incurs (food, 100% of percentage of bills he may attribute to etc) he shouldn't struggle like he does, certainly he shouldn't need to borrow money.

    Though there was mention of a car loan....getting a car you can't realistically afford could dent things...distance needed to travel to the job might impact too I suppose.
    Honestly. I'm not sure how it's so tight for him either, but when we worked out finances,somehow he used up everything.

    He pays his parents 200 a month rent, 150 a month on car loan and insurance, 60 a week on petrol, 40 phone contract, 25 for gym membership...which leaves whatever else he earns as savings and going out. Also , things come up unexpectedly like him buying a new tyre and a couple of fixings for his car which costed 300 which he had to try and find from somewhere.
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    (Original post by Dheorl)
    Aren't you the girl who said cheating was ok, and you only stayed with a guy until someone better came along, whilst using everyone because you thought you were better than them (which caused me to come to the conclusion all you're friends must be rather thick)?

    I'm surprised you're still with someone you clearly see as so inferior, not able to squirm your way into the life of someone "better"?
    Ya that's me. When I say I like to move on to someone better, I don't necessarily mean financially... better looking, better upbringing, family, friends etc.

    Honestly I'm surprised as well, but he treats me really nicely. Really really well. That even I don't wanna go looking for greener grass. This finance thing is literally the only thing that frustrates me with.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    It sounds like you're pretty unhappy with how things are right now, you need to ask yourself if you're okay with things being this way for the rest of your lives together. Will your futute kids go without because he can't pay half? Will your wedding be smaller than you'd like because he hasn't saved enough? You need to talk to him about it and ask yourself if you're okay with a life like this (if it can't/won't be changed) and if you're not, you know what to do.
    This is what I'm thinking. I'm more than happy to pay extra , more than happy to share 60-40 or even 70-30. But he doesn't want to. So that means that at this moment , I'm just here wondering why I bothered working so hard.

    I've tried so hard as well doing up his CV , prepping him for interviews and new jobs etc. But when you got nothing for your gsce's and generally a bit do a slow learner, no one wants to hire you . So recently he's stopped job searching and just sticking with what job he has now.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    Ya that's me. When I say I like to move on to someone better, I don't necessarily mean financially... better looking, better upbringing, family, friends etc.

    Honestly I'm surprised as well, but he treats me really nicely. Really really well. That even I don't wanna go looking for greener grass. This finance thing is literally the only thing that frustrates me with.
    So you mean you've finally found someone who you think is good as you? I didn't think the day would ever come.

    I mean I still think your a **** I wouldn't even wipe my feet with, but at least you might stop screwing with other people now
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    My wife earns more than me?
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    Honestly. I'm not sure how it's so tight for him either, but when we worked out finances,somehow he used up everything.

    He pays his parents 200 a month rent, 150 a month on car loan and insurance, 60 a week on petrol, 40 phone contract, 25 for gym membership...which leaves whatever else he earns as savings and going out. Also , things come up unexpectedly like him buying a new tyre and a couple of fixings for his car which costed 300 which he had to try and find from somewhere.
    But if he earns 16k, after tax/NI that's pretty much 14k. Bit of pension contribution, but if it's basic enrollment it's probably only 1% of wages, so little impact.

    So about £1150 a month. £475 gone on your above mentioned expenses, so £675 left......even if he spends £300 more....that's still around £375. If he put £200 of that remaining £375 away each month you could go on a very nice holiday each year. So that's allowing him £475 of totally disposable income a month which isn't bad.

    You live in London I see...that's an issue housing wise, my situation is in the midlands is totally different. What sort of mortgage/monthly payment where you considering?
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    (Original post by Dheorl)
    So you mean you've finally found someone who you think is good as you? I didn't think the day would ever come.

    I mean I still think your a **** I wouldn't even wipe my feet with, but at least you might stop screwing with other people now
    That part in bold.... when did I say that ???? Lol

    This is the part I say "I changed, he makes me a better person, all it takes is to find someone who you're willing to change for " .... I'm assuming that's the correct response to your post, but I never had to answer this in real life because no one tends to know the full story.

    FYI, there was someone I was with for a year before I moved on, in 2011, so don't speak so soon.

    Also, please stick with the topic of the thread, contribute to the current discussion. I'm looking for advice not someone to derail the thread.

    Regards
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    But if he earns 16k, after tax/NI that's pretty much 14k. Bit of pension contribution, but if it's basic enrollment it's probably only 1% of wages, so little impact.

    So about £1150 a month. £475 gone on your above mentioned expenses, so £675 left......even if he spends £300 more....that's still around £375. If he put £200 of that remaining £375 away each month you could go on a very nice holiday each year. So that's allowing him £475 of totally disposable income a month which isn't bad.

    You live in London I see...that's an issue housing wise, my situation is in the midlands is totally different. What sort of mortgage/monthly payment where you considering?
    This has been really helpful thanks. I think I might sit down with him again and go through his expenses. When I did it before, I kept coming out with nothing by week 3 of every month.

    I'm aware he can save a decent amount...I used to earn 14K a year a few years ago before I landed a good job, and I wasn't struggling like him....so I know it's fully possible.

    It annoys me as well when he blows his money on the odd night out. For his birthday, he went to have a fancy meal costing him over 100. He's like "well, it's my day, once a year blahblah" and to me it didn't make sense, especially when I saw him living pretty much on nothing for the rest of the month.

    In terms of mortgage, he can afford 250 a month. Ivan afford maybe 600. We can get a very nice place for 850 a month, balcony, open plan space, parking, etc but guess what, he doesn't want me to pay more than him. (We literally just had the same conversation together this evening). In other words, our combined budget seems to be 500. For which we could rent a nice double room. Great.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    In terms of mortgage, he can afford 250 a month. Ivan afford maybe 600. We can get a very nice place for 850 a month, balcony, open plan space, parking, etc but guess what, he doesn't want me to pay more than him. (We literally just had the same conversation together this evening). In other words, our combined budget seems to be 500. For which we could rent a nice double room. Great.
    ......850 for a flat....lol that's so alien. What sort of deposit is that with? 10% or more? I assume the flat's price is 200-250,000? Damn I'd be looking at a 3-4 bed house for that

    See as I say, unless there's a few hundred going missing somewhere, he should be able to pay more.

    Let's say he paid £300 at first (you paid £500-550), pays £275 on his other commitments. Has £575 left, pays £300 a month towards living costs, has £275 left, yeah it's not loads, but really when you're both working full time you're probably not spending tons. There's also the fact once the car loan ends he can then pay either 50/50 with the mortgage or contribute more to living costs.

    You will have to pay for more than him, but with those figures it would seem to me to be an affordable thing, assuming you're repaying you're student loan on the pre 2012 system? I've done a 3% pension contribution, could be more.

    But with that in mind you take home £2,070 ish after tax, he takes his £1,150 ish. So £3,220. £38640 after tax each year. To me that's an amount you shouldn't struggle on, I'd be ******* made up with that lmao. though I suppose it is London, depends on what you're buying each month. But utility bills shouldn't be higher purely due to location, and heating a flat is cheaper than heating a 3 bed house, I've graduated and had to start with a pretty low band 2 (incl weekend rota shifts about £16k), partner is on slightly less even, but I've done the sums and for here, can make it work with a mortgage on a 2-3 bed. You should have an easier time of it really.
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    ......850 for a flat....lol that's so alien. What sort of deposit is that with? 10% or more? I assume the flat's price is 200-250,000? Damn I'd be looking at a 3-4 bed house for that

    See as I say, unless there's a few hundred going missing somewhere, he should be able to pay more.

    Let's say he paid £300 at first (you paid £500-550), pays £275 on his other commitments. Has £575 left, pays £300 a month towards living costs, has £275 left, yeah it's not loads, but really when you're both working full time you're probably not spending tons. There's also the fact once the car loan ends he can then pay either 50/50 with the mortgage or contribute more to living costs.

    You will have to pay for more than him, but with those figures it would seem to me to be an affordable thing, assuming you're repaying you're student loan on the pre 2012 system? I've done a 3% pension contribution, could be more.

    But with that in mind you take home £2,070 ish after tax, he takes his £1,150 ish. So £3,220. £38640 after tax each year. To me that's an amount you shouldn't struggle on, I'd be ******* made up with that lmao. though I suppose it is London, depends on what you're buying each month. But utility bills shouldn't be higher purely due to location, and heating a flat is cheaper than heating a 3 bed house, I've graduated and had to start with a pretty low band 2 (incl weekend rota shifts about £16k), partner is on slightly less even, but I've done the sums and for here, can make it work with a mortgage on a 2-3 bed. You should have an easier time of it really.
    haha...yes £200-250k. That's for a 1-2 bed flat, depending on area. Welcome to the beauty of London! Houses you're looking at around £500k ...not planning on getting that for a long while !

    The way you have worked out the sums here makes perfect sense. The thing is, there are some people like my bf who are just bad with money. They will earn, then 3 weeks later wonder where it all went. And I know he doesn't spend it stupidly, like getting drunk every weekend...I honestly don't know where it goes. It might be the case that I have to be watch his finances for a while, just show him how to do it. Also, the £38k after tax a year together is perfectly manageable. My parents did it with 2 kids to feed...only thing is that he likes to go half on stuff, to show that he doesn't rely on me for support, that he's a man, that he needs to work on money for himself and not with me (God knows tbh). So it's almost like we both have £1.1k per month to spend - I guess the rest of what I earn is just pocket money? Dunno

    But... you have been very helpful, thanks for that. I'll give you rep points too!
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    Honestly. I'm not sure how it's so tight for him either, but when we worked out finances,somehow he used up everything.

    He pays his parents 200 a month rent, 150 a month on car loan and insurance, 60 a week on petrol, 40 phone contract, 25 for gym membership...which leaves whatever else he earns as savings and going out. Also , things come up unexpectedly like him buying a new tyre and a couple of fixings for his car which costed 300 which he had to try and find from somewhere.
    If he bought the phone instead of getting it on contract it would be much cheaper overall and he would save around £400 pounds over the 2 years maybe. On his wage i would never take out a £40 contract.
    Edit: I bought a brand new S6 Edge for £320. On contract cheapest is £35 for 24 months. After 12 months i would have paid £420 and after the next 12 months it would be £840. I am using a sim only for £9:50 for 12 months which is comfortable for me.
    So at the end of the year the total from phone and sim is £434. Then i will get a Tesco sim for £7.50 or giff gaff.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    If he bought the phone instead of getting it on contract it would be much cheaper overall and he would save around £400 pounds over the 2 years maybe. On his wage i would never take out a £40 contract.
    Edit: I bought a brand new S6 Edge for £320. On contract cheapest is £35 for 24 months. After 12 months i would have paid £420 and after the next 12 months it would be £840. I am using a sim only for £9:50 for 12 months which is comfortable for me.
    So at the end of the year the total from phone and sim is £434. Then i will get a Tesco sim for £7.50 or giff gaff.
    I do the exact same thing! But what that relies on is having the £320 there from the beginning, which unfortunately is harder for some people. Hopefully the £40 a month will be sorted now, as his 2 year contract comes to an end in April and he wants to keep his phone and get a sim only deal.
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    But if he earns 16k, after tax/NI that's pretty much 14k. Bit of pension contribution, but if it's basic enrollment it's probably only 1% of wages, so little impact.

    So about £1150 a month. £475 gone on your above mentioned expenses, so £675 left......even if he spends £300 more....that's still around £375. If he put £200 of that remaining £375 away each month you could go on a very nice holiday each year. So that's allowing him £475 of totally disposable income a month which isn't bad.

    You live in London I see...that's an issue housing wise, my situation is in the midlands is totally different. What sort of mortgage/monthly payment where you considering?
    His actual mandatory expenditure is £655. He pays £60 a week on petrol so it'd be £240 a month.

    Don't mean to nitpick just trying to help
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I do the exact same thing! But what that relies on is having the £320 there from the beginning, which unfortunately is harder for some people. Hopefully the £40 a month will be sorted now, as his 2 year contract comes to an end in April and he wants to keep his phone and get a sim only deal.
    That is true for some it can be a hefty price to pay but i personally hate contracts as mine ended in December and i was paying £29 a month however i sold the phone on ebay as it was rubbish so paying £29 felt a waste to me.
    That is good he is getting a sim only will help with the costs.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I'm a girl, and I'm in a situation now where i earn more than my bf. It's okay.

    He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.

    We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.

    HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.

    I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.

    It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.

    It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
    Why don't you buy a flat and he can pay the bills? Seems fair :/

    I'm in the opposite position to you but it's not really an issue as my partner hates spending money so we both stick to my budget and he gets to save up towards a house.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I do the exact same thing! But what that relies on is having the £320 there from the beginning, which unfortunately is harder for some people. Hopefully the £40 a month will be sorted now, as his 2 year contract comes to an end in April and he wants to keep his phone and get a sim only deal.
    You sound pretty selfish and are definitely materialistic whether you like it or not. You seem to be under the assumption that going on these fancy trips and romantic dinners will cement your relationship, as someone else said. You might have done well at uni, but clearly you are still very naive. I will quote bits of everything you've posted in this thread to support this:

    (Original post by stargirl63)
    If you want nice things, you gotta be prepared to pay for it. Dinner at the Shard is expensive. Holidays to the Caribbean is expensive. The nice bag in that cute shop..is expensive. I'll happily pay for him - just so I can have the experience myself,
    You earn well over 30 grand, you can get the bag yourself...
    and lol at that last part.

    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I'm not high maintenance... But it's the things I feel like I'm missing out on that I hate. One of my friends recently came back from a trip to Goa. Beautiful trip. Beautiful photos of her and her boyfriend. Shame I can't have that with him.
    Materialistic.

    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I haven't made it a problem - I'd never say this to him, I'd never belittle him and I'm still with him, despite all the gold diggers out there.
    If you 'haven't made it a problem' then why are you on TSR complaining? You've posted too many times on this thread trying to defend yourself

    (Original post by stargirl63)
    It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
    Then go do that,
    You're pathetic, selfish and materialistic; anyone with half a brain in this thread knows it. Do your boyfriend a favour and dump him, judging from your other threads on TSR you will just end up cheating on your boyfriend. If your boyfriend is as nice as you say he is, then he deserves someone better than you.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    That part in bold.... when did I say that ???? Lol

    This is the part I say "I changed, he makes me a better person, all it takes is to find someone who you're willing to change for " .... I'm assuming that's the correct response to your post, but I never had to answer this in real life because no one tends to know the full story.

    FYI, there was someone I was with for a year before I moved on, in 2011, so don't speak so soon.

    Also, please stick with the topic of the thread, contribute to the current discussion. I'm looking for advice not someone to derail the thread.

    Regards
    Advice? Ok, spare this guy your horrible brand of "morality", tell him what an awful person you are and maybe give him a bit of your immense wealth for wasting his time.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.
    Good, he's quite clearly better off without you.
 
 
 
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