The Student Room Group

Oh my God, what do i do?

My boyfriend of 18 months, broke up with me yesterday and i was devestated and had a night in with my best mates and chocolate but last night he texted me saying he loves me and he thinks hes made the biggest mistake of his life, he kept staying stuff like that and i got so upset that my mate had to conviscate my phone. He texted me this morning asking if we could meet up for lunch and talk, i said i needed some time away from him to to think about what i wanted. He really hurt me and i don't want to see him and end up taking the easy way out and get back with him if in a few months or a year or so he is gonna do it again. I was planning to break up with him anyway, because despite be in love with each other we were both obviously unhappy and driving each other mental, but when the oppurtunity came i couldn't go through with it which is when he did it. I do love him and he says he loves me but i'm still not sure if i wanna be with him anymore, i haven't been single for three years having gone straight from one boyfriend to the next in matter of days which probably was not the best thing to do, its a bit scary being out there again, single. He was my second proper boyfriend and coming straight after the first proper boyfriend its not like i've really been out there at all in the past. I don't know what to do, it really hurts to hear him saying how much he loves me and how he thinks he's '****ed up royally' as he so delicatley put it. I've weighed up the pros and cons with my mate and as usual the cons far outweigh the pros. But i love him, i just don't know what i should do. I'm not sure if i want to be with him, i'm not even sure if i'm ready for a relationhsip whether its with him or not. One of his reasons for breaking up with me was he didn't think i was ready for a relationship and hadn't been for 18 months i.e. the whole of our relationship. Any encouragement or advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
If you'd already decided that you didn't want to be with him at a time when you had no emotional stress and were able to think about it clearly, you have to trust what you thought then. Right now you've got all sorts of emotions and feelings tugging at you, but if you get back with him you'll just be back to feeling how you were before. If you didn't want to be with him before, and he's broke up with you - signalling he feels pretty much the same, is there really any reason to get back together?
From your other posts, you're better off without him. Resist the temptation to go back and it'll be the best thing that ever happened to you. :smile:
Reply 3
no one can make the decision for you unfortunetly but id say if you love him you could talk it threw with him let him know what you want from him and listen to what he wants from you and then decide from there if its worth trying again or not if you are both willing .
Reply 4
It's going to be very hard, but I think it's better if you try and stay apart. From what you've said, I think you think is what you should do as well. Sounds like you have some good friends, so just rely on them for a little while and you will be alright.
Reply 5
me and my girl broke up and we decided to give it another go but im telling you it just wont be the same. Cos she finished it i was always thinking how can i ever trust her again. even though i love her so very much i just cant view her in the same way anymore :frown:
I don't think i should get back with him, he's not the kinda guy who is easily upset buts it seems i have upset him and i hate it, but i've got to think about what's best for me.
Reply 7
i know it must be really hard, but i think you know deep down that this is probably for the best. that's what happened with me and my bf, i wasn't sure i wanted it to carry on but at the same time didn't want to leave him. then he dumped me and although i thought at first i wanted him back, i've realised i'm so much better off without him. hope you're feeling a bit better *hug*
Reply 8
Mmmmmmm....is there any situation that chocolate doesnt make better?! Im glad you had a girly night in with ur girls, it really helps to do stuff like that when crap things like this happen

Im kinda going thru a little bf dilemma of my own because I love my bf but dont know if Im ready for a relationship. Just because you love him does not mean that you must be with him - if you're not ready then thats not your fault, its the way you feel and you cant help that! What would be worse is if you two got back together and things went from bad to worse because you still didnt feel ready, or if you felt like he'd hurt you too much and you didnt want to be with him. Break-ups are ALWAYS painful, but I think the best thing may be for you to take a break away from him and his text msgs, and REALLY think about what you want. Dont agree to meet up with him because seeing him again might bias your judgement

And yes it's scary being single again when you're so used to being one half of a couple but remeber you are a WHOLE person, and a relationship will come along when you're ready for it. But from the sound of things, you didnt want to really be with him anymore. Take this break up as a chance to start being single again
Reply 9
hippieglitter
I don't think i should get back with him, he's not the kinda guy who is easily upset buts it seems i have upset him and i hate it, but i've got to think about what's best for me.



I know how much this hurts too, it's such a s*** feeling. but like you said you need to do whats best for you. You need to make urself happy, noone else can do it for you xx
Take some time out- like you should have done after leaving your first serious relationship and if, after having spent time apart doing your own thing, you still feel you love your boyfriend and want to try the relationship again, then speak to him - and do it. At the moment though, you sound confused and messed around, and rightly so! You shouldn't rush back into a relationship with someone who just made you feel like **** by breaking up with you, step back, and spend time with your girl friends, then make any decisions you have to. :smile:
hippieglitter
I don't think i should get back with him, he's not the kinda guy who is easily upset buts it seems i have upset him and i hate it, but i've got to think about what's best for me.

*hugs* Try and stay strong and do things to take your mind off of it. That's what I'm going for, even thouhg it's getting b****y hard.
Reply 12
Perhaps reminding yourself of what it is like to be single may be the best option at this time. Remind yourself that you may always call him if you do not like being single.
Reply 13
She has already broken up. For her to just say "I need some time to find myself" or some other random bull**** can get her a week or two easily. After all, he is begging her forgiveness.
Reply 14
Yoda
She has already broken up. For her to just say "I need some time to find myself" or some other random bull**** can get her a week or two easily. After all, he is begging her forgiveness.


You'll have to forgive me for making you look silly by deleting my post, forgot what thread i was on and was responding in a different context. :smile:
From your previous posts about this guy it sounds as though you are much better off without him.
x.narb.x
The days immediately after breaking up are always the worst - you'll think you've made the wrong decision and you'll be pretty upset. Just think about the reasons you wanted to break up in the first place.

Do you realise that he broke up with her? It was in the first sentence:wink:

Although if she deep down wanted to break up with him then it makes no difference.

hippieglitter, if it was getting bad then I just suggest keeping up with what you've been doing, sticking with your friends and chocolate! It's not so bad being single at all and it will probably do you some good. I know my friend thinks he grew a lot after a breakup with his long term gf.
Reply 17
I don't consider myself to be much of an authority on relationships, being more than a little bad at them, but if you wanted to break up with him before this happened, I'd stick with that instinct. When I had a bit of a weird break-up I wrote a note on the day it happened about how I felt and how I didn't want to get back together with him, to avoid doing anything rash in the future.
Reply 18
I broke up with my bf after 4 years. It was so hard to do so. He was my 1st,

i was so young when i started going out with him. My whole world revolved

around him. But it took me 4yrs to realise that he isn't hate one for me. I

broke up with him all the whilst loving him more than anything in the world.

2yrs after, i've never been happier. I feel strong today, and proud of myself.
I think you are better off without this guy, it seems he has caused you nothing but grief. Maybe you need a break from a relationship, it might do you the power of good.