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"Dear you...." MKII watch
- 25-08-2016 14:07
- 25-08-2016 14:11
Dear you, I don't know how you put up with me. You deserve a medal.
- 25-08-2016 14:28
- 25-08-2016 15:08
- 25-08-2016 20:25
I only read your last PM once and that to in a rush. I got the gist of it and I didn't like it. It probably almost a month if not over since you sent me that message and I can't bring myself to open it again
So from me, I am sorry that I turned out to be the worst friend. No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to get back to you or talk to you and I imagine if we did it would be awkward and sad.
You do and always will mean so much to me. I will always love you no matter what but for now I am struggling and none of it is your fault. You will think it is, it's not. I am sorry for letting you down and unknowingly hurting your feelings again and again. I am sorry for not being there as much as I should have been. I am sorry that I got so busy with life that I left you behind when I shouldn't have.
I am going to try and fix us, I promise but, right now is not the best time. I don't understand it myself and it sucks for me and you both but I will and I will make much more of an effort and be the friend I should have been this year.
I am more sorry than you will ever understand or feel. I am more sorry than I show. I hope you can forgive me, I really do.
I love you so much and no matter what happens, please don't ever forget that!
- 25-08-2016 21:12
- 25-08-2016 22:22
here is the answer to the question 'how are you?'
im tired of writing things to individuals mainly bc is 'how are you?' just a new suffix added on as a courtesy (apologies for the bad sentencing, listening to house and dont paticuarly want to turn it off but it is hard to think and type with it on) and if ppl genuinly care well
dont want to take up your time bc everyone is busy, especially online cos who knows what ppl are doing whilst they type. Also kind of tired of opening up to people only for them to **** off and not reply so yes.
for all intensive purposes i am 'fine'
and well im so sorry if u dont believe me
i wouldnt believe me either bc it isnt true but is it not easier for me to say that.
then u can all not feel guilty and carry on doing ur important things.
i must say i am disappointed with some ppl tbh, ok ik u are all moving on and that is great for you but just remember who supported you getting there eh?
here is ur answer.
Im sad. i have so much sadness in my heart which doesn't go away, maybe that is what causes the palpitations and chest pains but who knows (must remember to 'not stress' first class doctor advice right there ), My heart genuinly feels so heavy sometimes. it is like yknow when u have a fight and think 'oh **** im in trouble' and ur gonna cry and ur anxious and ur heart feels like a lead weight, yes it is that.
and breathing is so much effort, has anyone ever noticed that, if u hold ur breath it feels so damn peaceful.
but anyway not trying to be ungrateful as breathing is the least of most ppl's worries
tbh least of mine as well but hey ho.
basically i need to calm the **** down.
i stress myself out over non-existant deadlines that only exist in my stupid squishy pink brain.
this year is so scary and i hate where i am atm, it is constricting and annoying and everyone comments on everything but at the same time 2017 is a scary prospect and im not ready to move out but at the same time i dont want to stay here bc of certain
events shall we say
bloody bad luck
it is hilarious really when u think about it, just when ur a bit happy with a situation and yeh things could be better but then a big worse thing comes along and spoils it yes
and if my dreams could stop that would be a bit excellent.
thing is u ask how i am everyday well some ppl do.
acc hardly anyone does anymore but hypothetically
but im sad everyday really so what is the point of me saying that bc im just a drain.
if i message early it is probably bc i woke up from a nightmare and trying to snap back into reality not that i say that (or could jsut be that im confused and disorientated ) but i dont say that
it is pointless
what can anyone acc
im noones prerogative so what is even the point of anything lol idk how to end this now
'yeh you better know where ur going'
- 26-08-2016 00:42
Seems like you actually read the stuff that I put up and I'd appreciate it if you'd just move on now. You didn't talk to me for more than 3 months and I had gotten better during that time but you didn't want to know me. This is what happens when you ignore people. Thanks for that btw. Thanks for that random message right after I posted on here last time. That's great. You're a master of small talk.
Don't love me
Posted from TSR Mobile
- 26-08-2016 12:54
I know it hasn't been long but maybe, just maybe you could ask if I was alright Once in a while. I know you were busy too but maybe you could have said sorry for airing me. Idk what this sudden change is, I wouldn't be surprised if you're talking to another girl, your followrs are all girls and you seem to be adding them while you're ignoring me. Also when I'm upset that does not mean I need a picture of you -_- that's not what I want. You said you've spoilt your past gfs, for me spoiling me would just be giving me your time and attention, that's not much. Tbh I'm an easy going person so if I'm pissed at you then there is a reason. For once maybe you could message first, or don't at all because i dont want to sit here falling for a ****. This always happens to me once I start showing some interest. What can I say, I was born to love but cursed to feel.
- 26-08-2016 14:18
- 26-08-2016 15:01
Dear every guy who f**ked me over by leading me on and letting me catch feelings for them, then treating me as if I don't matter,
F**K you. Karma's a b*t*h
- 26-08-2016 16:28
- 26-08-2016 18:40
I want you to all leave me alone. Sometimes I wish I could have some kind of a magic button so I can press and forget everything. Or start over.
I really really need to forget certain things, and you guys aren't helping. And don't tell me to adapt myself because you fxcking don't know what happened okay ? Never say that again pls. Never again.
I'm just sad about it and that's life and everyone tells me to carry on and I'm so so so fxcking trying to carry on, BUT WILL YOU GUYS LET ME DO ?
That's not my fault. I swear. I'm trying to be as much as a good person as possible, but then everyone wants to talk to me, and then they end up asking the forbiden question.
So yeah, I wish I didn't know you all so I wouldn't have to try my best to reply. Guess what, I've stopped having nightmares, and each time someome asks again, they come back.
Carrying on ? CARRYING ON YOU SAY ?! Do you even know what happened. Do you even know. What I've always told so far, was only 10% of what happened. I could write an entire book about the 90%. That's not an expression, and that's why I never tell you.
I'm hurt. I'm so hurt and I just want to forget. That's all I want. All I ever wanted. Sigh. I wish someone could just talk to me rn, and make me forget.
Consodering whether to move out or not right now. I need a fresh start.
I need to live again.
From that girl that wish you understood.
- 26-08-2016 20:09
You've made my life a living hell. I've tried my best living with you, and I still am trying to livng with you, but it gets harder and harder everytime the appointment comes by or an article comes up on what may have to live with in the future because of you. I have a scar on my body now, and I have done for over a year now. Everything is controlled right now, but it won't be soon and I don't know how I'd be able to cope with you when that happens.
Urgh I feel sick thinking about,
Love one of the many people that have to live with you for another day x
- 26-08-2016 21:55
I know I said I'm distancing myself because I'm scared but that doesn't mean out of my life! Now I feel like you're not talking properly, I miss the old us. Actually you're not even talking which hurts me a lot because I somehow believed you when you said you're not like the others. Just remember I liked you a lot and I was slowly opening up, now if you decide to stop ignoring me were going to have to start from square one.
- 27-08-2016 10:36
I was a little girl that was raised on fairy tales and Jane Austen. I was sold the idea of perfection and even though you are so flawed you were perfect/are perfect. I would have been able to forgive this had you not devastated my confidence and self-respect. You were wrong (par a kiss when it was still fresh) I did not so much as text another guy I even changed my number so everyone would leave me alone. You lied your 'self-respect' was not at jeopardy at all. Was being in control of me (a.k.a not trusting me to control myself) so much more important than my sanity. And for godsake why do you always dismiss my feelings? I tell you I'm unhappy, I've been so spectacularly unhappy since May and all you can think about is your 'self-respect'. I'm not proud to recount all of the times I set aside my own for you, for love. And you were everything, you still are everything. But am I going to have to walk past you as if you're a stranger when I see you at uni? We broke up almost two weeks ago, this is the longest we've lasted without you coming back to me. Now I know it's for real, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about you everyday, every night and my stupid stupid dreams. I always prided myself in self control, yet I can't control my brain from always returning to you. Anywhere I go there you are. And I know it's for the better, other girls were a constant problem and you're probably dealing with it better than I by having a shoulder or some breasts to cry on. You said if I ended it that we would never get back together but losing you I also lost a friend. Am I allowed to want to talk to you? My daydreams lead to you kissing me but I know there won't be a happily ever after for us. It's hard for me to admit to having feelings for you still, after all you've done to me. And everyday I come so close to messaging you but I need to accept we won't talk, even if a 45 minute phone call doesn't do justice to our relationship. They say in every relationship there's always one that has stronger feelings, that was/still is me.
- 28-08-2016 11:24
sigh, there so much to say, too many feelings trapped inside of me that i cant seem to take out. i physically feel sick with all these crazy feelings dancing about in my stomach. i dont know what to say except that you've destroyed my peace of mind which took forever to fix. I wish i didnt know you, i wish we didnt get this close because leaving is becoming harder the longer i stay.
- 28-08-2016 11:39
If I was to ever become closer to you again, after all the hurt, the lies, the anguish that happened between us, could you even promise me it'll be worth it?
Would we ever be able to slip into how things were? Probably not.
It's a shame that I waste my time thinking of all the good things that happened between us, before, all things that we'll never get back.
Please, do me, do us both a favour and don't wander back into my life. It's not worth it. Really.
- 28-08-2016 12:10
I love you so much and last night was lovely. I miss you. I miss "us" time recently.
- 28-08-2016 13:15
I had a dream last night that contained you in it. You, somebody we both knew and I were just walking along the road I take to work, but in the opposite direction. It seems we were going to buy something to eat at a shop. Just talking, I have no idea what about, but just talking. It seemed nice enough.
Six years ago yesterday was when I saw you at the train station miles away from home. It hurts how long ago that was and that I haven't seen you in over half that time.. yet you are constantly on my mind. I feel stupid how you still are bothering me. If you knew you'd probably think 'grow up'. I feel like I've wasted the last few years pining for you when I could have been doing so much more. No doubt you have. It's difficult to think you are moving on in your life and I am just stuck here. It's such an awful feeling and I don't know if it will leave anytime soon. It's not your fault but it's not mine either.