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How Do You Know If You're Ready??
Maybe some of you read my last thread. Well this post is kinda carrying on from there
Basically, Ive been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now and we got together at the very start of uni. But for some reason, for the past few months Ive been feeling like Ive missed out on something by not being single for a while and this feeling wont go away. I love him soooo immensly, and we've broken up once because I was so confused about things but got together again because I thought I'd resolved al the issues I had in my head. but I havent and now I feel like maybe Im not ready for a serious relationship right now, and thats why I've been so confused for the last few months. But HOW does someone know whether they're ready or not?? I mean, it's like when people decide to get married and stuff - how do they know they're ready to be with someone for the rest of their lives?? And is it possible to love someone but not be ready for a relationship, coz that's what seems to be happening to me!
This is my first serious relationship and me thinking im not ready now makes me think i'll mess up every other damn relationship i'll have because im messing this one up by being so confused. Oh God, will all of my relationships end like this???
Basically, Ive been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now and we got together at the very start of uni. But for some reason, for the past few months Ive been feeling like Ive missed out on something by not being single for a while and this feeling wont go away. I love him soooo immensly, and we've broken up once because I was so confused about things but got together again because I thought I'd resolved al the issues I had in my head. but I havent and now I feel like maybe Im not ready for a serious relationship right now, and thats why I've been so confused for the last few months. But HOW does someone know whether they're ready or not?? I mean, it's like when people decide to get married and stuff - how do they know they're ready to be with someone for the rest of their lives?? And is it possible to love someone but not be ready for a relationship, coz that's what seems to be happening to me!
This is my first serious relationship and me thinking im not ready now makes me think i'll mess up every other damn relationship i'll have because im messing this one up by being so confused. Oh God, will all of my relationships end like this???
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Probably.
i dont think there's much we can tell you here. i guess you just 'know'! as in you feel like you cant spend the rest of your life without them because you care for them so much and they love you back. i've never been in a similar situation but i guess if you dont think you're ready for a serious relationship, maybe ask for a break. or find out how exactly he feels about the situation.
Hope you don't mind me talking! 
Why don't you ask him whether you can take things easy for a while, until you know what you want? As soon as people get to uni, people think that relationships have to be so much more serious (at least, that's what I thought...)
I spend my whole life doing this; when I'm single I want somebody, then when I'm in a relationship I want the freedom of being single! Enjoy what you have when you have it
Why don't you ask him whether you can take things easy for a while, until you know what you want? As soon as people get to uni, people think that relationships have to be so much more serious (at least, that's what I thought...)
I spend my whole life doing this; when I'm single I want somebody, then when I'm in a relationship I want the freedom of being single! Enjoy what you have when you have it
BeccaE
Hope you don't mind me talking!
Why don't you ask him whether you can take things easy for a while, until you know what you want? As soon as people get to uni, people think that relationships have to be so much more serious (at least, that's what I thought...)
I spend my whole life doing this; when I'm single I want somebody, then when I'm in a relationship I want the freedom of being single! Enjoy what you have when you have it
Why don't you ask him whether you can take things easy for a while, until you know what you want? As soon as people get to uni, people think that relationships have to be so much more serious (at least, that's what I thought...)
I spend my whole life doing this; when I'm single I want somebody, then when I'm in a relationship I want the freedom of being single! Enjoy what you have when you have it
I dont know if i'll want a relationship at uni after all of this, it's been a bit traumatic for both me and my poor bf
yeah, Ive talked to him about everything and we have taken things really slowly. i think i may wait till after the big summer hols to make any decisions and stuff
I know it doesn't sound very helpful, but I think when you are ready you will just 'know'. When I'd been with my bf for 7 months I felt similar to how you've described. I still thought maybe we'd break up for a while when I went to uni because this is my first serious relationship and I kind of felt like I needed something to compare it to. But by the time it came round to me leaving for uni (5 months later) I knew I didn't want to break up with him. And now I can't imagine ever being with anyone else.
I dont know if i'll want a relationship at uni after all of this, it's been a bit traumatic for both me and my poor bf
You sound like you're thinking about what it's going to be like after you break up already; i.e. that you've already kind of made up your mind?
I know that you don't have to be in a relationship at uni to be happy; I'm single and most definately happy, but also don't rule it out, ok? Not all relationships have to be the same!
Oh I have that problem.
I think it's a commitment problem on our behalfs. I get into a relationship with someone I become borderline obsessed with, but after a week of being together I get bored and dump them. You've done well though, making it to 7 months. I think my longest ever relationship was about 1 month.
But the way I see it, you're still young. There's no need to "settle down" with your boyfriend just because you love him.
I think it's a commitment problem on our behalfs. I get into a relationship with someone I become borderline obsessed with, but after a week of being together I get bored and dump them. You've done well though, making it to 7 months. I think my longest ever relationship was about 1 month.
But the way I see it, you're still young. There's no need to "settle down" with your boyfriend just because you love him.
monsumo
Oh I have that problem.
I think it's a commitment problem on our behalfs. I get into a relationship with someone I become borderline obsessed with, but after a week of being together I get bored and dump them. You've done well though, making it to 7 months. I think my longest ever relationship was about 1 month.
But the way I see it, you're still young. There's no need to "settle down" with your boyfriend just because you love him.
I think it's a commitment problem on our behalfs. I get into a relationship with someone I become borderline obsessed with, but after a week of being together I get bored and dump them. You've done well though, making it to 7 months. I think my longest ever relationship was about 1 month.
But the way I see it, you're still young. There's no need to "settle down" with your boyfriend just because you love him.
I dont think I have a commitment problem, I quite love being in this relationship. But I guess I just want to experience uni on my own, as a singleton and kinda just find my own feet before I have a relationship. And, for whatever reason, I dont feel I can do that if Im with my boyfriend. I guess I want to experiment with life, see what I like/dont like. Hmmm.....I dont know, im just a bit confused I guess
DaChronik
Oh my daaaiiizzzz!!! This post... Damn your confused... Ok so whats traumatic?
Oh gosh, i dont even know where to start. i guess I feel it's more traumatic because Ive seen how upset my bf gets when he sees how confused I am, and I dont want to put him through that. Meh, it's all a bit lame.
Just for now, don't worry abut what he wants, concentrate on what would make you happy; I tried to break up with my ex before uni, and when I saw how upset he got, and because there was still an emotional attachment, I ended up staying with him (we've broken up now)... Don't let him cloud your judgement (or make it any cloudier than it is already!)
You just feel it. I recon that when you no longer have need to ask about readyness, you are ready.
Shmish
Oh gosh, i dont even know where to start. i guess I feel it's more traumatic because Ive seen how upset my bf gets when he sees how confused I am, and I dont want to put him through that. Meh, it's all a bit lame.
So basically your saying, you wanna be single so you can be with other guys and not care about him?
Im not sure how this could be complicated? I mean fair enough if you wanna be single then you wanna be single, you wouldnt want to be with him would you? And of course the opposite, if you wanted him, you wouldnt be thinkin about being single...
Everyone in a relationship has the thought about being single and what it'd be like every so often, it's just natural. When you have something for a long time, you take it for granted without realising. I know exactly what you mean, but, does your boyfriend make you happy? Do you honestly want to break up with him to lead a single life at uni? If you do, then that's fair enough, but if you really love him and are happy with him, then it just seems like you're being a bit selfish and wanting the best of both worlds, so to speak.
DaChronik
So basically your saying, you wanna be single so you can be with other guys and not care about him?
Im not sure how this could be complicated? I mean fair enough if you wanna be single then you wanna be single, you wouldnt want to be with him would you? And of course the opposite, if you wanted him, you wouldnt be thinkin about being single...
Im not sure how this could be complicated? I mean fair enough if you wanna be single then you wanna be single, you wouldnt want to be with him would you? And of course the opposite, if you wanted him, you wouldnt be thinkin about being single...
Who says I wanna "be with other guys and not care about him"? I dont recall writing that anywhere.....
Wanting to be single doesnt necessarily mean I want to go out and pull other guys and forget about my bf, thats not my definition of being single anyway! And obviously it's not as black and white as "if you wanna be single you wouldnt want to be with him and if i wanted to be with him then I wouldnt be thinking about being single" because obviously I care about him and want to be with him but Im just not sure if I want a relationship. That doesnt mean I dont care about him or want to be with him. I know it doesnt make any sense to you, but do you see why Im so confused?!
spacecowgirl89
Everyone in a relationship has the thought about being single and what it'd be like every so often, it's just natural. When you have something for a long time, you take it for granted without realising. I know exactly what you mean, but, does your boyfriend make you happy? Do you honestly want to break up with him to lead a single life at uni? If you do, then that's fair enough, but if you really love him and are happy with him, then it just seems like you're being a bit selfish and wanting the best of both worlds, so to speak.
Well im not being selfish because it's not like Im doing all this stuff behind his back. I've not done anything behind his back anyway! That's not the way to go about these things... and I feel that if Im unsure about being in a relationship, then I shouldnt be in one. How is that being selfish? because i know you cant have best of both worlds, it's one or the other
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