Help me stop purging and obsessing over food. I want to change

Ok well the background to this is that i dont have an eating disorder, but i fear it may get that way. Over the last 3 months I have started having an obsession with food, cutting the amount of calories I intake (i.e. having one sandwich instead of 2 and no cakes for lunch) and also I have been making my self sick after evening meals where I feel that I have eaten too much. I regularly feel guilty if i don't leave food on the plate. Its a horrible vicious circle and I know making myslef sick is so bad for my body and i know all the health risks but I cant stop doing it.

Over the past month it has got worse and i have been doing it more often per week and I told my boyfriend last night which really made me want to stop as I hate to worry and upset him.

It sounds weird and twisted but i find it is quite addictive and in some ways it makes me feel better. I do it when i am down, for example if my mum is shouting at me my first thought it to run to the bathroom to do it. My boyfriend asked me why i do it and truly i'm not sure I'm not sure if its weight loss cos i dont need to lose weight i'm a size 8 but i have had a very low self esteem for many years which has made me somewhat shy. To the extent where I turned down a part time job as a lifeguard becuase I didnt have the confidence to join a new team of people and felt sefl conscious about my looks (even tho i have no need to be). Sometimes I feel like im in the background while life is just going on around me, that if i wasnt there no one would care or remember me.

I'm trying to change my behaviour as i want to get over it and dont want tit to get worse, but I'm not sure how to get over it. I really do spend hours a day thinking about food, what I'm going to eat etc and I really want that to stop as it's distracting me from my studies. Have been trying to revise today but got nothing done because I am so distracted and it seems to make me lose all motivation. I have to get out of this because i really want to do well in my exams and at the moment I think that the way i am will ruin it.

I have noticed that some of the people on this board have or/have experience of issues with food and i was hoping you could tell me of any ways in which you managed to get over it and not make food the enemy?
How did you stop feeling guilty and get back to eating whole meals?

Sorry, this has just turned into a massive rant but in a weird way it feels better to get stuff off of your chest by writing.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Reply 1

beach surf babe

From what you've written, it sounds quite a lot like an eating disorder. I would suggest you see your doctor so that they can put you in touch with the right people to help you.

It sounds like your using the purging to deal with conflict and various situations and its a really slippery slope in doing that. Eating disorders are an addiction and they are pretty difficult to deal with and break that behaviour cycle but it is possible. What you need to start doing is dealing with the situations that cause you to purge rather than hide behind the purging. Find better ways to cope.

I really hope that you manage to sort this out before things get too out of control :smile:

Reply 2

Miss. B

you say you haven't got an eating disorder but I'd disagree as your showing the signs of an eating disorder - making yourself sick being the most obvious one.

I can't give any advice as I've never experienced it but I think a major step would be to first admit it to yourself that you have a serious problem and then try and admit it to your mum and boyf and then hopefully consult a doctor - sorry I can't give any real advice but I hope you get it sorted.

Reply 3

sweetcherry

Honey, u got a serious eating disorder and u need to be VERY AWARE of this. From what u said I would deduce that u are suffering from both anorexia AND bulimia (bulimia is the throwing up part)... u need help, please go look for it.

find a counsellor at your school, tell your parents/guardian or any adult whom u feel u can trust and ASK FOR HELP. Both anorexia and bulimia are VERY serious eating disorders which u need to address as soon as possible before u get addicted to throwing up, you've already said that throwing up makes u feel better, u've got to believe that ur problem is serious and that u need professional help... please go find it!

(Youth Worker BA Hons... going for Masters in counselling.. so I know what I'm saying.. please ask for help)