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    I know this is going to sound over-reactive, melodramatic and sulky; but I can't think of any good reason to be alive. I don't have any one to live for, nor do I have any thing to live for. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm suicidal as I don't really have any reason to die either. Everything is just so dull and grey and boring. I'm an extra in my own life, not even a main character.

    I've had depression before, but this feels different to what I've felt in the past. It's starting to manifest physically, more so then before. I constantly have butterflies in my stomach making it difficult to do much. If I think about this stuff too much, it feels like there's a boot on my chest pushing the air out making it difficult for me to breathe.

    I'm not particularly good at anything, music, academics, relationships. I've been playing a certain instrument for years and I'm still at a level you'd expect someone with a year's experience, perhaps less, to be at. I can't even write music either, despite how long I've been trying. Every time I think I come out with something semi-decent I either realise it's too similar to an existing piece, or I come back to it the next day and it's cringeworthly bad.

    I'm also in my first year at uni, on a course that should be my dream course, but I find the content so un-engaging and boring. It's only my second term and I'm already just skipping classes because I have no motivation to go to them. I wake up in the mornings and just lie in bed staring at the ceiling, unable to drag myself out until I know I'm not going to go in. Then I spend the rest of my day hating myself for it. I know I'm falling behind in one module especially, but I can't bring myself to do study.

    The icing on the cake is the fact I'm a pretty deplorable human being as well. I've never been a people person, but I find it very difficult to like people now more then ever. I decide whether or not I like people without even talking to them at times. The smallest, most insignificant traits in people bug me to the point I start to dislike them. When people are too nice to me in real life, I think I start to dislike them even more. I'm extremely judgemental, even though I recognise I'm far far worse then most people. Things that wouldn't even be noticeable to most people, I fixate upon.

    I've realised pretty much everything about myself is a lie, my confidence is a lie, my personality is a lie, my entire character is a lie. They're just things I've told myself until I can't remember what is and isn't true. I just want to dig a deep hole and lie in it by myself forever.

    I'm not sure why I'm posting this to be honest, I suppose it feels good to write everything down. Makes it easier to think about I guess.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know this is going to sound over-reactive, melodramatic and sulky; but I can't think of any good reason to be alive. I don't have any one to live for, nor do I have any thing to live for. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm suicidal as I don't really have any reason to die either. Everything is just so dull and grey and boring. I'm an extra in my own life, not even a main character.

    I've had depression before, but this feels different to what I've felt in the past. It's starting to manifest physically, more so then before. I constantly have butterflies in my stomach making it difficult to do much. If I think about this stuff too much, it feels like there's a boot on my chest pushing the air out making it difficult for me to breathe.

    I'm not particularly good at anything, music, academics, relationships. I've been playing a certain instrument for years and I'm still at a level you'd expect someone with a year's experience, perhaps less, to be at. I can't even write music either, despite how long I've been trying. Every time I think I come out with something semi-decent I either realise it's too similar to an existing piece, or I come back to it the next day and it's cringeworthly bad.

    I'm also in my first year at uni, on a course that should be my dream course, but I find the content so un-engaging and boring. It's only my second term and I'm already just skipping classes because I have no motivation to go to them. I wake up in the mornings and just lie in bed staring at the ceiling, unable to drag myself out until I know I'm not going to go in. Then I spend the rest of my day hating myself for it. I know I'm falling behind in one module especially, but I can't bring myself to do study.

    The icing on the cake is the fact I'm a pretty deplorable human being as well. I've never been a people person, but I find it very difficult to like people now more then ever. I decide whether or not I like people without even talking to them at times. The smallest, most insignificant traits in people bug me to the point I start to dislike them. When people are too nice to me in real life, I think I start to dislike them even more. I'm extremely judgemental, even though I recognise I'm far far worse then most people. Things that wouldn't even be noticeable to most people, I fixate upon.

    I've realised pretty much everything about myself is a lie, my confidence is a lie, my personality is a lie, my entire character is a lie. They're just things I've told myself until I can't remember what is and isn't true. I just want to dig a deep hole and lie in it by myself forever.

    I'm not sure why I'm posting this to be honest, I suppose it feels good to write everything down. Makes it easier to think about I guess.
    Take up a sport. For example running is an easy one to get into. Join a local running club, get involved, take in their advice and encouragement and start to feel part of a community again. You need to do something that will motivate you and restore your faith in humanity.
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    I don't understand why everyone need someone to live for ? Life has several chapter and probably you are reading the boring one. I suggest wait for the interesting one.
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    Perhaps try some charity or community activity to take your mind off yourself. I've never had depression so I'm struggling to understand how that might make you feel. I do know though that your self-obsession is unhealthy. I'm not without sympathy but Instead of wallowing go to your Doc or MH service and do something about how you're feeling. Not everybody is going to shine no matter how hard they try. Like I go to a school full of high achievers. I'm in the 6th and have come to realise that success in life doesn't come with being the best at anything or everything. Success is about being accepting of who you are, by being the best you can be and just by being a decent human being.
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    Just chill, its not that Deep
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    (Original post by kalclash)
    Take up a sport. For example running is an easy one to get into. Join a local running club, get involved, take in their advice and encouragement and start to feel part of a community again. You need to do something that will motivate you and restore your faith in humanity.
    (Original post by Impressive)
    Why don't you make it more exciting then?



    Daily exercise should improve your condition.



    It does not matter whether you're good at something as long as you enjoy doing it.



    Shouldn't university help you get the career you always wanted to have?



    Personally, I haven't been very social either, but I don't judge people the way you do. (no advice here)



    Things you've told yourself are lies.



    I guess.

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    I've joined the uni gym this year and I try to do that at least once a week, I'm not sure if it's helping, but it's something to do.

    (Original post by DougallnDougall)
    Perhaps try some charity or community activity to take your mind off yourself. I've never had depression so I'm struggling to understand how that might make you feel. I do know though that your self-obsession is unhealthy. I'm not without sympathy but Instead of wallowing go to your Doc or MH service and do something about how you're feeling. Not everybody is going to shine no matter how hard they try. Like I go to a school full of high achievers. I'm in the 6th and have come to realise that success in life doesn't come with being the best at anything or everything. Success is about being accepting of who you are, by being the best you can be and just by being a decent human being.
    I don't think I know how to be a decent human being, I don't know why I am how I am around other people. It's not something I do intentionally.

    Cheers for the responses anyway guys
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    (Original post by physicst)
    I don't understand why everyone need someone to live for ? Life has several chapter and probably you are reading the boring one. I suggest wait for the interesting one.
    But the book has been terrible so far and I'm about a quarter of the way through it. What's even worse is when most people agree that this peroid is supposed to be the best in your life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But the book has been terrible so far and I'm about a quarter of the way through it. What's even worse is when most people agree that this peroid is supposed to be the best in your life.
    Managed to get a first in my course with minimal "social life". Never partied or drank during my three years at uni. Just got on with work.
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Managed to get a first in my course with minimal "social life". Never partied or drank during my three years at uni. Just got on with work.
    I find the work so extremely boring though, everything is so extremely boring. Social life ain't that big a deal to me, i just want to enjoy being alive
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I find the work so extremely boring though, everything is so extremely boring. Social life ain't that big a deal to me, i just want to enjoy being alive
    Visit New places from time to time
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    (Original post by BlackSweetness)
    Just chill, its not that Deep
    Unless you can emphasise with OP, I would suggest you stfu
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless you can emphasise with OP, I would suggest you stfu
    Go **** yourself

    I'm just kidding that smiley after that passive aggressive post made me burst into laughter
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    This sounds a lot like depression. I know you say you've had it before but it can manifest itself in different ways even for the same person at different times. Not enjoying things you used to is a classic sign- physical symptoms are possibly more anxiety but can be depression and obviously other things too. You're not suicidal which is good but do see your GP before it gets any worse.


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    (Original post by DougallnDougall)
    Perhaps try some charity or community activity to take your mind off yourself. I've never had depression so I'm struggling to understand how that might make you feel. I do know though that your self-obsession is unhealthy. I'm not without sympathy but Instead of wallowing go to your Doc or MH service and do something about how you're feeling. Not everybody is going to shine no matter how hard they try. Like I go to a school full of high achievers. I'm in the 6th and have come to realise that success in life doesn't come with being the best at anything or everything. Success is about being accepting of who you are, by being the best you can be and just by being a decent human being.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^


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    Believe me, dont get into the loop of existential analysis of your life because if you do, it will screw your head up even more.

    There is no reason for any of us to live. We exist purely because of the basic human desires of one man and one woman. We exist almost by default but mostly by design. Life is short and transitory and whilst we have to keep one eye on the bigger, long term picture, we also should focus on living for the day.because actually, it could be your last,,and indeed one day it will be your last.

    Here is a very useful tip that might help a lot of young people. Young people do not have very much if any experience of death.

    I recommend on your next free day that you go down to the local crematorium and sit in the back of the small chapel/church. The funerals come and go like a conveyor belt especially in busy towns and cities and there is barely enough time for dignity.

    Those people once lived and now they dont. YOU do,so make the most of it...whilst you can.
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    I say, imagine of something you'd like to become in life, and start to map out ways on how to get there. Might make life a bit less meaningless with a plan ! (Oh, and hope is pretty important)
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    Hello Anon,

    I've stumbled by chance on your post - student days are long gone. I have read your post and you have tried to express your sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I can't say anything wonderful that will turn your life around right now; it takes time for change to happen.

    Some good people out there have made some good response to your post - and you went on to comment you just want to enjoy being alive. What would you be doing if your were enjoying being alive? Imagine that. Make it tangible. Where might you be, what would be going on for your in that day, in that week? with anyone else or alone?

    I would encourage you to seek student support services to talk face to face with some one in a solution focused way. The services are there for You; go an reach out as you already have a goal - to enjoy being alive, but you need some help form someone to explore what that is going to be for you.

    GPs can be of help although if you are offered medication consider with care - it can take many weeks to have any effect and from what you have written I think that other approaches will be more beneficial and safer.

    There is an approach called 'Human Givens' - a google search will take you to the HG uk Institute website. Its a brilliant approach which works for any people - there some stuff to read on the website and I would really recommend a book by Griffin and Tyrrell called 'How to lift depression....fast' . You may find a copy in your Uni library but if not its only about £10 form the HG website (not on Amazon). Its brilliant and a really easy read.

    Also I would concur with a point already raised;
    exercise - this released a natural drug in the brain that lifts the mood - make a plan to go, put your alarm on your phone, get up and go to the gym, Park Run (there will be one near you at 9am every Saturday morning - search that on line too) and be pleased with your self for achieving a goal.

    You have enough motivation to do something about this - you made the post - but do seek help.Some solution focused counselling will help you take some control and head off to that life you want.

    Best wishes
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    Go and see your GP.

    Do it today.

    Please.
 
 
 
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