Dating a cheat

Is it possible? I mean, I started sleeping with a guy whilst he was in a relationship and then when he broke up with his gf, we just continued it, but maybe from the way we started whilst he was in the relationship, it kinda ruins a chance for something more between us now? I mean whilst he was with his gf we couldn't be friends for obvious reasons. I guess I was hoping that if he did break up, we could atleast get to know each other a bit more without repercussions but it seems we're still just booty calls.

I know my morals may be a bit questionable here, that I let someone cheat on his gf, but since I didn't know the girl, it was a bit hard to have a conscience on a relationship which wasn't really any of my business, and if he hadn't cheated with me I'm sure it would have been with someone else.

I'm just wondering, is it possible to go backwards? I mean, how could I get us to start again, if at all? It just feels really weird that you're not proper friends, just have sex whenever.. since we have bypassed the proper procedure to a relationship, does it mean there isn't really a chance to develop from here?

Hope this makes sense! lol Any advice would be appreciated! I guess us damn girls are always in need of emotional fulfillment aren't we? x

Reply 1

HereFishyFishy

13

I'd say it's not possible, from personal experience. It's happened once to me (not the cheating part, the booty part) and despite the fact I kind of started to like him, it was only ever going to be what it started out as.
I'm sure it happens for some people, but I reckon not the majority.

Reply 2

street

1

so u knew he was in a relationship and u still slept with him? damn girl...

Reply 3

SugarExplosion

I was in exactly the same situation. I started sleeping with a guy at uni (and still am) who had a girlfriend at home (and still does). At first I wanted more and was jealous of her etc and he kept saying he was gonna break up with her then he didn't and we argued etc. Then I finally got my head round it and realised if he could cheat on her he'd cheat on me and because of that I could never see him as a boyfriend. If he did break up with her we'd still carry on but to me it would be the same as it always was and I can't see either of us changing that.

If you are just a booty call to each other then I'm afraid there's no way you can forcefully change it. You can't really go back to the beginning and I think the only way something's gonna happen is more if you start acting like boyfriend and girlfriend and then maybe talk about what it means in the future.

I see exactly what you mean about not having a conscience about it because you've never met her, but for that exact reason I really would advise you not to go into a relationship with him. If you'd been going out at the same time as he'd had a girlfriend I could understand it more as he may just not have been happy with her...but being a booty call shows he's really just interested in the sex with someone else part ie. the rush he gets from it, and if you became his next girlfriend, then someone else would just become his next booty call.

Reply 4

street

1

deleted through shame

Reply 5

username47781

20

He's just having his cake and eating it.

Reply 6

Asphyxiating

OP

2

well it seemed as if she cheated on him before so i guess he just didnt let loyalty stop him..but like you say, probably not really bf material

Reply 7

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

In a word hon, no.

Reply 8

lexa10881

I've been both girls in this equation and I would say that you deserve better....both sides hurt and no matter what, you are the least of his concerns.Do yourself a favor and find a good guy who makes you feel like you are important and you matter. You deserve better. :mad:

Reply 9

ForeverIsMyName

15

Do people have no such thing as self-respect? Honestly, you knew that at the time by sleeping with him you were deceiving his girlfriend into thinking that she was dating someone that she ultimately wasn't?

Cheaters are scum.

Reply 10

SellPanta

ForeverIsMyName

Cheaters are scum.

I always go by the idea, 'once a cheat, always a cheat' - and holds true a lot of the time.

Could you imagine yourself being cheated on a few months down the line if you started a relationship with him? It's always likely - put yourself in his ex gf's shoes... He's not the best of guys to be going out with IMO.

I also dont tend to hold much respect for those who would prefer a cheat over a genuine guy (and they exist :p:

). I suppose it depends on what you want out of it all

Reply 11

MagicNMedicine

20

when there's cheating involved both parties are equally culpable, although often girls will try and make it sound like they are less to blame because "somehow it just happened" or they "just couldn't help it", "girls have needs" etc. Remember next time you are saying all men are (whatever insult of choice) for cheating that unless they are cheating with another man, there's a female involved who knowingly decided that your relationship was not as important as her own short term pleasure

I bet if the original poster was a male saying "I've been cheating on my girlfriend with this other girl, is there chance of something happening" he would be flamed to pieces

Reply 12

*soph*

14

I think in this case you're going to have to stay realistic - maybe talk to him just to find out where you stand? He *could* want this to be more but on the other side of the coin I'm not convinced leopards ever change their spots.

Reply 13

Profesh

20

street

so u knew he was in a relationship and u still slept with him? damn girl...

His relationship is not her moral responsibility.

ForeverIsMyName

Do people have no such thing as self-respect? Honestly, you knew that at the time by sleeping with him you were deceiving his girlfriend into thinking that she was dating someone that she ultimately wasn't?

See above.

Or do you contend that the moral aspect comes into play only once she has acquiesced to his desire to commit infidelity, and not otherwise?

I don't know whether I should chalk such sentiment down to consummate cynicism or abject naïveté; but I am certain that I would favour a situation whereby my partner remains faithful of their own volition, and not merely in effect because the constituency of eligible bachelors the world over feel 'morally' obligated to spurn her advances.

Reply 14

Profesh

20

MagicNMedicine

I bet if the original poster was a male saying "I've been cheating on my girlfriend with this other girl, is there chance of something happening" he would be flamed to pieces

As analogies go, that would be all well and good: assuming the original poster had, in actual fact, 'cheated' on anyone.

Engage brain prior to keyboard, in future.

Reply 15

Joric

street

so u knew he was in a relationship and u still slept with him? damn girl...

Yes. Any such relationship is bound to fail.

Reply 16

manga

9

Yeah, definately don't touch him.

He sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. Boys...

Reply 17

Minardi

12

ForeverIsMyName

Do people have no such thing as self-respect? Honestly, you knew that at the time by sleeping with him you were deceiving his girlfriend into thinking that she was dating someone that she ultimately wasn't?

Cheaters are scum.

Cheats don't deserve what they get, and the people who they cheat with are just as bad IMO, unless they are unaware, in which case... theres not alot you can say!

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all the replies. I think it's evident that it's never gonna work out. Even trying to be friends doesn't even work. With sex, guys will just have anything that comes along and they only come back because you allow them to. It is just basically taking your cake and eating it. I just hate the way girls always have so much emotions, sooner or later you always start feeling. Why can't we numb our emotions like guys? It's a shame really because I think we did have stuff in common and maybe if we we had been friends we could have got on, but I guess the only thing to do now is forget and move on..

Reply 19

Adarah

16

from my experience it is possible (again there was not cheating, but it started off as something very light and not relationship like). It's taken a year though and it wasn't always very easy. In the end it depends on the guy too whether something more is possible. There's definitely a chance there, but you really have to want to put in that amount of effort to keep the guy and take a lot of pain... because if you keep this up your emotions will probably only become more strong, especially if you try to get him to comitt and it doesn't work.

Dating a cheat

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