The Student Room Group

How do i make it stop hurting so much..?

My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for over four months. We had been friends before that for a long time. He thought it was better to end it a couple of days back because he didn't think it was going the same way it really should be (in comparison to his last relationship, i'm guessing). We had been having small fights over the communication part of it because I felt he was hardly making an effort to contact me or make me feel appreciated. He felt it should all come naturally without having to make an effort. Is it so for a relationship that started off as long distance?
Apparently he wasn't very comfortable with the whole distance and the whole relationship too. I feel he was completely over looking all the good times and just focusing on the last couple of fights. Anyhow, I've given up on it because I know he isn't going to change his mind even though he has changed his mind a lot in the past. It just hurts the way he put what we had and being so unemotional about it and expecting me to do the same. How do you get over it or feel less ****ty about yourself? I am failing miserably at my attempts to distract myself with my friends and going out. I'm just so hurt inside. I don't know how to make it better for myself.. :frown:

I just needed to vent, and advice is very welcome :redface: Thanks for reading.
Reply 1
You don't get over it, and it doesn't lessen....you have the right to feel like you do. Mine came back, eventually, and sometimes I wish he hadn't but other times I am glad I share my life with him....Time may lessen it but the best ting I can say to you is if he comes back, shut the door. I wish I had, and I bet I would have been a lot happier. I know I would have saved myself a lot of hurt, frustration, and tears. The right person is out there, and you won't feel like this....
Reply 2
I know it hurts....and you shouldn't have to.
Aww :hugs: It's horrible, I know.
And I hate to say that you will feel like this for a little while yet. But, as the old cliche dictates, time is a healer. Take comfort in the fact it really is - as the days go by you will start to feel better. Also be glad that you won't see him every day.
The best thing you can do is keep busy with those friends. And if you have the money, treat yourself to a pampering session.

Just think, at least he has told you this now before it got even more serious. If he's thinking those things it is definitely best that it has ended hun. Do you really want to be with somebody who holds all those reservations and thinks negatively about you? There will be somebody more suited (and closer!) to you out there.
Reply 4
we got along better when we spent more time together. lately it was stressed because we hardly saw each other. do you think that its partly because of the situation and not just because we don't click as people?
Hmm. A bit of both. I think it would be hard to maintain a LDR if it started out that way. A lot of people who go through the hardship and sacrifices of a LDR are together for a long time before the situation arises.
But it also sounds like he was a little unsure about the whole thing. And the arguments can't have helped that. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be :hugs: (sorry for yet another truth-holding cliche!)
Reply 6
maybe not. but i'm not entirely convinced when i say that. the worst part is that i might end up in the same university as him. or maybe further away. and both the thoughts scare me.
xoi
maybe not. but i'm not entirely convinced when i say that. the worst part is that i might end up in the same university as him. or maybe further away. and both the thoughts scare me.


Still, you've got the luxury of time to get over him.

One thing though: don't secretly think/hope he's going to come back. It won't help you in the slightest hun. Concentrate on moving on.
Reply 8
..and we should go back to being friends? he wants to. and i think i do too. i cannot imagine not having him in my life because we've been friends for a long time. but then this kinda makes it weird now. the last time we kind of broke up for a while, we had to try so hard to just be friendly and the next time we met (after a month) we kinda got back together because he'd said he'd missed me too much. i'm not expecting or hoping for the same thing. i'm not really hoping that we get back together. i just don't know how to be just friends without making it feel weird for both of us..
i think at first, it'd be best for you two to keep a bit of distance... dont talk to each other much for a while, give yourself a bit of time to start getting over him, otherwise everytime you talk, you'll be wanting to ask him to get back with you, or ask questions about why the relationship failed (seriously, i've done it, it just makes it a whole lot harder!).
sorry to hear you're so upset. doesnt sound like he's putting much effort into it. sorry to sound so blunt but i've been in a long-term relationship for 4 months and it IS hard but can be done. if he doesnt want to call you or cant be bothered so decides to break up with you instead, he's definitely tnot worth it. i'm sure you're an intelligent, beautiful girl so just wait till you find someone who really appreciates you!

take care!!
Time is the only healer, make yourself busy. Suppose least your boyfriend told you now, but shame he showed such a lack of effort, but thats some guys for you.