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    Every time I visit home I get this anxiety, mainly because I have certain issues in my family. My relationship with my father is very messed up due to the way he treats me and his controlling, abusive and sexist personality. I don't have a real mother either as my parents are divorced. This means going home is just like a formality which I have to fulfil due to cultural stigmas. I don't want to come back uni being fully depressed as it always happens. How can I avoid or lower the effect of this?
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    Firstly, what do you want to do? What would be your ideal scenario to make you feel as comfortable and as happy as possible?
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    Try your best to help out at home, talk about how your studies at uni are going (general conversation really).

    Visit some of your friends if the house becomes a bit suffocating.


    Good luck.

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    I take it that you're living on campus or sharing a flat? If that's the case, don't ever go back home. Save up for your own place, you should be able to since you no longer depend on anything at home by the looks of it.
    You'll feel so blissful that your father got his just desserts for treating people the way he did
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    talk to me on twitter or fb
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    (Original post by Thatsthespirit)
    Firstly, what do you want to do? What would be your ideal scenario to make you feel as comfortable and as happy as possible?
    Life is hell every time I visit home. I just sit in my room and if it gets very bad, probably sleep for hours. Wake up at a time where my father is sleeping so i can just feel a bit better. Its like a week that I have to spend at home and I feel like crying rn. I can see myself being in that depressive state yet again and I'm so feeling the anxiety rn.
    (Original post by kandykissesxox)
    Try your best to help out at home, talk about how your studies at uni are going (general conversation really).

    Visit some of your friends if the house becomes a bit suffocating.


    Good luck.

    Lol talking? And with my dad? We don't talk. The only time he talks to me is when he has something extremely abusive to say or make me feel like proper dirt. I've come to the point where I just don't speak no more but inside its a real battle. Like en I feel like my life has stopped and I'm not home yet until this evening.
    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    I take it that you're living on campus or sharing a flat? If that's the case, don't ever go back home. Save up for your own place, you should be able to since you no longer depend on anything at home by the looks of it.
    You'll feel so blissful that your father got his just desserts for treating people the way he did
    That's true but i have to visit time to time due to my cultural expectations. I've avoid it for a long time. The last time I went home was like a month a half ago but now I have to go and see my grandparents.I love them and miss them.

    Seriously, I hate my father. I'm not ashamed to say it. Only I know what he has put me through and still how badly he behaves and abuses me emotionally mentally and sometimes physically.

    Rn I just feel like I have no life and that I'd rather just die. Its such a bad feeling.
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    (Original post by iamfurqan)
    talk to me on twitter or fb
    Errm why?
    You can pm me here if you have some good advice.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Life is hell every time I visit home. I just sit in my room and if it gets very bad, probably sleep for hours. Wake up at a time where my father is sleeping so i can just feel a bit better. Its like a week that I have to spend at home and I feel like crying rn. I can see myself being in that depressive state yet again and I'm so feeling the anxiety rn.


    Lol talking? And with my dad? We don't talk. The only time he talks to me is when he has something extremely abusive to say or make me feel like proper dirt. I've come to the point where I just don't speak no more but inside its a real battle. Like en I feel like my life has stopped and I'm not home yet until this evening.


    That's true but i have to visit time to time due to my cultural expectations. I've avoid it for a long time. The last time I went home was like a month a half ago but now I have to go and see my grandparents.I love them and miss them.

    Seriously, I hate my father. I'm not ashamed to say it. Only I know what he has put me through and still how badly he behaves and abuses me emotionally mentally and sometimes physically.

    Rn I just feel like I have no life and that I'd rather just die. Its such a bad feeling.
    If your father is abusing you mentally and physically, you should seriously consider not visiting him anymore. Focus on your university life, making friends and working hard will build a better future for yourself. You deserve it.

    Remember that your university will have extensive student support, there will be trained professionals, who are experienced in helping people in your situation.

    Take care.
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    (Original post by Sofubar)
    If your father is abusing you mentally and physically, you should seriously consider not visiting him anymore. Focus on your university life, making friends and working hard will build a better future for yourself. You deserve it.

    Remember that your university will have extensive student support, there will be trained professionals, who are experienced in helping people in your situation.

    Take care.
    Physically, its not as regular as mentally and emotionally.

    Tbh I would NEVER visit my home if it was not for my grandparents and being the typical Asian grandparents they are, they want girls to be submissive. That I'm not which hurts them but I know my rights. I just go home to visit my grandparents as they mean the world to me. Once my grandparents are not there, I will never visit home. Its not even a home, rather a prison.

    But thank you for your advice. With uni people, I just don't feel comfortable. Not that they are bad but its just me.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Life is hell every time I visit home. I just sit in my room and if it gets very bad, probably sleep for hours. Wake up at a time where my father is sleeping so i can just feel a bit better. Its like a week that I have to spend at home and I feel like crying rn. I can see myself being in that depressive state yet again and I'm so feeling the anxiety rn.


    Lol talking? And with my dad? We don't talk. The only time he talks to me is when he has something extremely abusive to say or make me feel like proper dirt. I've come to the point where I just don't speak no more but inside its a real battle. Like en I feel like my life has stopped and I'm not home yet until this evening.


    That's true but i have to visit time to time due to my cultural expectations. I've avoid it for a long time. The last time I went home was like a month a half ago but now I have to go and see my grandparents.I love them and miss them.

    Seriously, I hate my father. I'm not ashamed to say it. Only I know what he has put me through and still how badly he behaves and abuses me emotionally mentally and sometimes physically.

    Rn I just feel like I have no life and that I'd rather just die. Its such a bad feeling.
    Nobody should expect someone to visit an abusive father, and those who do don't matter. Appeasing a nebulous idea of family honour does not even come close to the importance of your well being. Please take care :hugs:
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    (Original post by RobML)
    Nobody should expect someone to visit an abusive father, and those who do don't matter. Appeasing a nebulous idea of family honour does not even come close to the importance of your well being. Please take care :hugs:
    I agree hence I've not visited home for so long but I can't escape it. My culture is very controlling when it comes to women. I absolutely hate it and my life sucks tbh. No point of life. But thank you foe your kind words, Rob.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    I agree hence I've not visited home for so long but I can't escape it. My culture is very controlling when it comes to women. I absolutely hate it and my life sucks tbh. No point of life. But thank you foe your kind words, Rob.
    What would happen if you didn't visit your dad, if you don't mind me asking?
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    (Original post by RobML)
    What would happen if you didn't visit your dad, if you don't mind me asking?
    The last time he came to my uni and forced me to go home. I refused to go and he kept forcing me . He spent an hour in my room forcing me to go but he realised he couldn't forced me at uni at least lol. So he left. My grandparents got very angry and as I love them, I went home after a few days but my father treated me so badly. It was like a different person from the who visited me at uni a few days ago. Took me a week to get over it all when I came back to uni.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Physically, its not as regular as mentally and emotionally.

    Tbh I would NEVER visit my home if it was not for my grnadparents and being the typical Asian grandparents they are, they want girls to be submissive. That I'm not which hurts them but I know my rights. I just go home to visit my grandparents as they mean the world to me. Once my grandparents are not there, I will never visit home. Its not even a home, rather a peison.

    But thank you for your advice. With uni people, I just don't feel comfortable. Not that they are bad but its just me.
    The fact that he has ever physically abused you, regardless of how infrequently, is abhorrent and sick. The mental and emotional abuse is equally wrong, it leaves scars inside you.

    You can't let this go on. You need to talk to someone about this abuse. I'm guessing you've tried talking to your grandparents about it?

    There are so many options available to you, try talking to your GP about it, they will be able to refer you on to services in your local area. There's also the Samaritans on 116123, and so many others. I know you might find the idea of talking to a stranger about it weird,but you have nothing to lose and so much to gain by trying it.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    The last time he came to my uni and forced me to go home. I refused to go and he kept forcing me . He spent an hour in my room forcing me to go but he realised he couldn't forced me at uni at least lol. So he left. My grandparents got very angry and as I love them, I went home after a few days but my father treated me so badly. It was like a different person from the who visited me at uni a few days ago. Took me a week to get over it all when I came back to uni.
    Have you spoken to your grandparents about him?
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    (Original post by Sofubar)
    The fact that he has ever physically abused you, regardless of how infrequently, is abhorrent and sick. The mental and emotional abuse is equally wrong, it leaves scars inside you.

    You can't let this go on. You need to talk to someone about this abuse. I'm guessing you've tried talking to your grandparents about it?

    There are so many options available to you, try talking to your GP about it, they will be able to refer you on to services in your local area. There's also the Samaritans on 116123, and so many others. I know you might find the idea of talking to a stranger about it weird,but you have nothing to lose and so much to gain by trying it.
    You're absolutely right . It doesn't affect me as long as I'm away from home but its time likes these when I feel so ****ing helpless, vulnerable, empty, **** and lonely. My grandparents are aware and try to stop him as much as they can but they are very traditional and hence expect women to tolerate such ridiculous behaviour. I of course don't. This is why they get angry. Its all messed up really.

    But yes I think I may but probably when I'm back from home as it will take me time to recover after spending such a time at home.
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    (Original post by RobML)
    Have you spoken to your grandparents about him?
    I did and they know. They've told him off on a few occassions but they are very sexist too. They expect me to tolerate this as a woman. As much as I love them but I hate this hence I end in conflicts with them too. Feel horrible afterwards and then I try to compensate it by visiting home but they still don't get happy.

    I feel so lonely at times tbh knowing that I have no one to share my feelings with. I have friends who talk to their mothers every night while I just sit in my room and cry. But its okay, I've come this far with these issues, I'll overcome this too one day.
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    Sorry about the problems you are going through. Things will get better overtime. :jumphug:

    Here are a few tips:
    • Leave the house often and go for a stroll
    • Discover a hobby, try to do something to get your mind off things
    • Visit a friend, maybe sleepover?
    • Make sure to relax and give yourself some time out
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    I take it that you're living on campus or sharing a flat? If that's the case, don't ever go back home. Save up for your own place, you should be able to since you no longer depend on anything at home by the looks of it.
    You'll feel so blissful that your father got his just desserts for treating people the way he did
    I would personally advice against this.
    You're running away from the problem instead of trying to solve it.
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    (Original post by undercxver)
    Sorry about the problems you are going through. Things will get better overtime. :jumphug:

    Here are a few tips:
    • Leave the house often and go for a stroll
    • Discover a hobby, try to do something to get your mind off things
    • Visit a friend, maybe sleepover?
    • Make sure to relax and give yourself some time out
    Thank you for the advice. This sounds helpful.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would personally advice against this.
    You're running away from the problem instead of trying to solve it.
    Hmm so what would you suggest?
 
 
 
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