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Is it time to bring this 10 year friendship to an end? Watch

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    I've been close friends with this guy for 10 years and for the most part it's been a great friendship. He's been there for me through so many things in my life and vice versa. But in more recent times I feel we've grown apart:

    - the last time I met was the first time we had seen each other in a year (we lived apart for a while). When we finally met & I asked what he fancied doing, his response was "I don't give a sh*t".
    - after 1 1/2 hours of spending time together he said he had to get back to studying. Fair enough but if I haven't seen a close friend in 1 year we dedicate the better part of an afternoon or evening together at least.
    - he bad mouths his girlfriend to me whenever I see him, yet stays with her. He's told me she's racist towards other cultures & jokingly makes excuses for this. Furthermore, he has never introduced me to her despite me being a "close" friend & I feel left out of his life.
    - I sometimes don't hear from him for 6 months & he recently blew me off when we were arranging to meet up. He apologised and said it won't happen again, but I'm sick and tired of his behaviour. He has admitted feeling depressed for the last 2 years. He says he knows there are changes he needs to make but has done nothing to make them so far.

    Thoughts?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been close friends with this guy for 10 years and for the most part it's been a great friendship. He's been there for me through so many things in my life and vice versa. But in more recent times I feel we've grown apart:

    - the last time I met was the first time we had seen each other in a year (we lived apart for a while). When we finally met & I asked what he fancied doing, his response was "I don't give a sh*t".
    - after 1 1/2 hours of spending time together he said he had to get back to studying. Fair enough but if I haven't seen a close friend in 1 year we dedicate the better part of an afternoon or evening together at least.
    - he bad mouths his girlfriend to me whenever I see him, yet stays with her. He's told me she's racist towards other cultures & jokingly makes excuses for this. Furthermore, he has never introduced me to her despite me being a "close" friend & I feel left out of his life.
    - I sometimes don't hear from him for 6 months & he recently blew me off when we were arranging to meet up. He apologised and said it won't happen again, but I'm sick and tired of his behaviour. He has admitted feeling depressed for the last 2 years. He says he knows there are changes he needs to make but has done nothing to make them so far.

    Thoughts?
    It sounds like you've answered your own question, your circumstances suggest that it's time for the friendship to come to an end imo, it's no ones fault and you may well reconnect in a few years times, however sometimes relationships and friendships just run their course and you have to accept that. If neither of you can find a good reason to want to be in each other's company, that strongly implies that you above both just grown apart. It's all part of life and be thankful that ou had such a person in your life whom I'm sure has had an influence on the person you are today. There's no need to do anything about it necessarily but don't put pressure on yourself to continue with it if you don't want to.
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    (Original post by Blondie987)
    It sounds like you've answered your own question, your circumstances suggest that it's time for the friendship to come to an end imo, it's no ones fault and you may well reconnect in a few years times, however sometimes relationships and friendships just run their course and you have to accept that. If neither of you can find a good reason to want to be in each other's company, that strongly implies that you above both just grown apart. It's all part of life and be thankful that ou had such a person in your life whom I'm sure has had an influence on the person you are today. There's no need to do anything about it necessarily but don't put pressure on yourself to continue with it if you don't want to.
    Thanks for your reply.

    As soon as I suggested having a time out, he got really upset and begged me to reconsider. This in itself speaks volumes about his state of mind to me? He's had a big influence on my life and my growth, moreso than many friends. But that was when he was...different to the person he is now.

    He said he's been in a bad place emotionally and hopes to sort himself out. How do I know if we'll ever been on the same wavelength again/what if he really is just having a rough time and needs to come through it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your reply.

    As soon as I suggested having a time out, he got really upset and begged me to reconsider. This in itself speaks volumes about his state of mind to me? He's had a big influence on my life and my growth, moreso than many friends. But that was when he was...different to the person he is now.

    He said he's been in a bad place emotionally and hopes to sort himself out. How do I know if we'll ever been on the same wavelength again/what if he really is just having a rough time and needs to come through it?
    Perhaps because of his current situation, he is reaching out to you as a friends to help him through it? Which would explain why he's so eager to keep in contact, I'd say be there for him as a friend and help him but that doesn't mean you have to become super close or anything, obviously I don't know a lot about your friendship but it's not a case of either being inseparable best buddies and becoming compete strangers, you can keep in contact and make sure he's doing ok but still lead your own life with other interests and people it's entirely up to you
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    (Original post by Blondie987)
    Perhaps because of his current situation, he is reaching out to you as a friends to help him through it? Which would explain why he's so eager to keep in contact, I'd say be there for him as a friend and help him but that doesn't mean you have to become super close or anything, obviously I don't know a lot about your friendship but it's not a case of either being inseparable best buddies and becoming compete strangers, you can keep in contact and make sure he's doing ok but still lead your own life with other interests and people it's entirely up to you
    I feel like he's using me as a crutch though. We hadn't seen each other in a year and he didn't once ask what I'd been up to in that whole year! He just talked about himself and his woes. After off-loading on me, I didn't hear from him again for 4 months despite the fact I was having a rough time.

    The friendship has become co-dependent to me. At the same time, I don't want to say goodbye forever...but at the moment I don't know if I should give him a chance to change or be glad for the friendship we had and have a clean break.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like he's using me as a crutch though. We hadn't seen each other in a year and he didn't once ask what I'd been up to in that whole year! He just talked about himself and his woes. After off-loading on me, I didn't hear from him again for 4 months despite the fact I was having a rough time.

    The friendship has become co-dependent to me. At the same time, I don't want to say goodbye forever...but at the moment I don't know if I should give him a chance to change or be glad for the friendship we had and have a clean break.
    At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you and if you think it would benefit you more to end the friendship then do so, but at the same time I think it would be good to get an idea of exactly what he's going through at the moment so you know he's getting the support he needs form others
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like he's using me as a crutch though. We hadn't seen each other in a year and he didn't once ask what I'd been up to in that whole year! He just talked about himself and his woes. After off-loading on me, I didn't hear from him again for 4 months despite the fact I was having a rough time.

    The friendship has become co-dependent to me. At the same time, I don't want to say goodbye forever...but at the moment I don't know if I should give him a chance to change or be glad for the friendship we had and have a clean break.
    I understand how you feel. It's a really difficult situation when a close friend you have known for a long time doesn't seem to be that same person anymore. Friendship is a two way street and the fact he has stopped making the effort anymore is a sign that maybe it's time to let this one go.


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