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He didn't pay for the first date...is he a cheapskate? What do I infer from this? Watch

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    So I'm in my early 20's and find this very unusual. The only guy who I've had this before was my last ex and he was so stingy throughout our relationship it really made me feel a bit worthless to him: he had been burnt by a golddigger before however did get better when the relationship hit the six month mark. But... new guy isn't earning a six figure salary/ doesn't have family money so i don't know what his deal is.

    In new guys defence: we did go to an expensive restaurant and we are both students ...however I did say I'd be happy to go somewhere cheap like pizza express. I'm also unsure if it's cultural thing.

    I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what. I guess why it matters is I am quite ready to settle down and I want someone to settle down who will be willing to share financially when I'm pregnant and not able to work etc but also it feels good when you're boyfriend treats you, and I like to treat them back too and it feels a bit one sided if you're the only one doing the treating.

    My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date...from there on go halfs a few times, then it depends on both people's financials situations and usually contribute proportionally.'
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm in my early 20's and find this very unusual. The only guy who I've had this before was my last ex and he was so stingy throughout our relationship it really made me feel a bit worthless to him: he had been burnt by a golddigger before however did get better when the relationship hit the six month mark. But... new guy isn't earning a six figure salary/ doesn't have family money so i don't know what his deal is.

    In new guys defence: we did go to an expensive restaurant and we are both students ...however I did say I'd be happy to go somewhere cheap like pizza express. I'm also unsure if it's cultural thing.

    I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what. I guess why it matters is I am quite ready to settle down and I want someone to settle down who will be willing to share financially when I'm pregnant and not able to work etc but also it feels good when you're boyfriend treats you, and I like to treat them back too and it feels a bit one sided if you're the only one doing the treating.

    My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date...from there on go halfs a few times, then it depends on both people's financials situations and usually contribute proportionally.'
    Did he offer to go halvies on the first date or did it appear he was expecting you to pay outright?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date
    Maybe he just didn't see it they way you do :erm:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm in my early 20's and find this very unusual. The only guy who I've had this before was my last ex and he was so stingy throughout our relationship it really made me feel a bit worthless to him: he had been burnt by a golddigger before however did get better when the relationship hit the six month mark. But... new guy isn't earning a six figure salary/ doesn't have family money so i don't know what his deal is.

    In new guys defence: we did go to an expensive restaurant and we are both students ...however I did say I'd be happy to go somewhere cheap like pizza express. I'm also unsure if it's cultural thing.

    I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what. I guess why it matters is I am quite ready to settle down and I want someone to settle down who will be willing to share financially when I'm pregnant and not able to work etc but also it feels good when you're boyfriend treats you, and I like to treat them back too and it feels a bit one sided if you're the only one doing the treating.

    My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date...from there on go halfs a few times, then it depends on both people's financials situations and usually contribute proportionally.'
    Girl .. this is a relationship do not make it sound like I relationshet~ .. ^^"
    Well just go to a cheap pizza place or something next time and see what he does. I hate to ask but are you guys going out as lovers? Does he know it?

    Well just try the pizza thing next time and see what happens..
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Did he offer to go halvies on the first date or did it appear he was expecting you to pay outright?
    I did the obligatory reach for my purse thing and instead of him saying, 'don't worry, I've got this.' He said, 'I've only got my card on me, so how should we split this?' I said: 'I've got cash' and he said 'okay that works' *I hand him cash* He said 'Oh this is a bit more than what yours came to' me: 'don't worry about it, maybe you could do the tip on your card and then it's about right?'. At this point I was very confused and thought maybe I misread the signals and it wasn't a date...
    I asked him when we were saying goodbye and it was apparently a date and he apologised for not making it clearer when he asked me. Then we kissed and he asked me out again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date...from there on go halfs a few times, then it depends on both people's financials situations and usually contribute proportionally.'
    How come this is your approach?
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    "Cheap like pizza express...."
    gr8 b8 m8
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    The first girl I went out with was really keen to share the bill on our first date. She said that she hated the idea of 'guys pay first' cos it's an old fashioned stereotype. At the time I remember that being a sticking point and found it endearing she had that train of thought.

    Your guy split the bill didn't he? It's not as though you paid for the whole meal. I don't think you should judge him for that. How about how the date actually went, whether there was any chemistry between you etc? Much more important imo.

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    People argue to pay first
    People complain their gf/bf paid first
    People complain their bf/gf didn't pay at all

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    (Original post by The Joker ~)
    Girl .. this is a relationship do not make it sound like I relationshet~ .. ^^"
    Well just go to a cheap pizza place or something next time and see what he does. I hate to ask but are you guys going out as lovers? Does he know it?

    Well just try the pizza thing next time and see what happens..
    I haven't been very well so instead of me cancelling again i've agreed for him to come round and watch a movie (he said seeing me again is worth the prospect of him catching something )
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did the obligatory reach for my purse thing and instead of him saying, 'don't worry, I've got this.' He said, 'I've only got my card on me, so how should we split this?' I said: 'I've got cash' and he said 'okay that works' *I hand him cash* He said 'Oh this is a bit more than what yours came to' me: 'don't worry about it, maybe you could do the tip on your card and then it's about right?'. At this point I was very confused and thought maybe I misread the signals and it wasn't a date...
    I asked him when we were saying goodbye and it was apparently a date and he apologised for not making it clearer when he asked me. Then we kissed and he asked me out again.
    So he had the intention to split it but didn't as he had no cash?
    Assuming in future he does split the bill properly with you then i wouldn't be concerned of him being a cheapskate or anything. Maybe his beliefs of a man paying for the 1st date are different. My partner insisting on paying for our 1st and 2nd date, although i offered to go halvies but i always feel that you should share all the costs personally.
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    (Original post by frozen_fire)
    Your guy split the bill didn't he? It's not as though you paid for the whole meal. I don't think you should judge him for that. How about how the date actually went, whether there was any chemistry between you etc? Much more important imo.

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    Hahahaha
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    If I ever met someone new who expected me to pay for them, especially if it was somewhere expensive, it would just kill any interest I had in them. You earn your own money, pay for yourself like an adult.

    It's not a treat if you expect them to do it, is it?
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    (Original post by hezzlington)
    How come this is your approach?
    Guy pay for first date: I like to know he's a generous person/ has that provider instinct.

    Go halfs for the next few dates: The initial dating period can be expensive...I also don't want to feel obligated to keep seeing a guy because I feel guilty that he's shelled out a lot.

    Then pay proportionally: I just think this makes the most financial sense, I don't mean split things proportionally but e.g with an ex who had a lot more money than me, he'd pay for dinner and cinema tickets and I'd pay for snacks. I would hate to actually keep tabs on who has paid for what.
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    He doesnt have to pay for anything!
    Pay for your damn self
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    He shouldn't have to pay for you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Guy pay for first date: I like to know he's a generous person/ has that provider instinct.

    Go halfs for the next few dates: The initial dating period can be expensive...I also don't want to feel obligated to keep seeing a guy because I feel guilty that he's shelled out a lot.

    Then pay proportionally: I just think this makes the most financial sense, I don't mean split things proportionally but e.g with an ex who had a lot more money than me, he'd pay for dinner and cinema tickets and I'd pay for snacks. I would hate to actually keep tabs on who has paid for what.
    I completely agree with you, was just curious. Can't rep as you're anon!

    Although, with my ex I insisted I paid for everything. Sometimes she'd have to prepay before hand just so that she could contribute. I didn't mind.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did the obligatory reach for my purse thing and instead of him saying, 'don't worry, I've got this.' He said, 'I've only got my card on me, so how should we split this?' I said: 'I've got cash' and he said 'okay that works' *I hand him cash* He said 'Oh this is a bit more than what yours came to' me: 'don't worry about it, maybe you could do the tip on your card and then it's about right?'. At this point I was very confused and thought maybe I misread the signals and it wasn't a date...
    I asked him when we were saying goodbye and it was apparently a date and he apologised for not making it clearer when he asked me. Then we kissed and he asked me out again.
    you reached for your purse and you expected him to butt in and say "oh no let me pay for it"
    really???
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    I personally think it's easier going halves as a compromise, but if you are kicking an issue up yet it was you who reached for your purse then maybe you need to rethink this all through, maybe let him go if you are not happy?
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    Wants equality. Complains when he doesn't pay for the first date. I don't know how you're taking this one event to mean he might not be a good future boyfriend.

    I would be more concerned if he made you pay the full thing.
 
 
 
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