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He didn't pay for the first date...is he a cheapskate? What do I infer from this? Watch

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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    So he had the intention to split it but didn't as he had no cash?
    Assuming in future he does split the bill properly with you then i wouldn't be concerned of him being a cheapskate or anything. Maybe his beliefs of a man paying for the 1st date are different. My partner insisting on paying for our 1st and 2nd date, although i offered to go halvies but i always feel that you should share all the costs personally.
    Nah, he paid the rest + tip (although I'd think the cash was actually used as the tip) using his card. So it was kind of like halving the costs.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm in my early 20's and find this very unusual. The only guy who I've had this before was my last ex and he was so stingy throughout our relationship it really made me feel a bit worthless to him: he had been burnt by a golddigger before however did get better when the relationship hit the six month mark. But... new guy isn't earning a six figure salary/ doesn't have family money so i don't know what his deal is.In new guys defence: we did go to an expensive restaurant and we are both students ...however I did say I'd be happy to go somewhere cheap like pizza express. I'm also unsure if it's cultural thing.I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what. I guess why it matters is I am quite ready to settle down and I want someone to settle down who will be willing to share financially when I'm pregnant and not able to work etc but also it feels good when you're boyfriend treats you, and I like to treat them back too and it feels a bit one sided if you're the only one doing the treating.My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date...from there on go halfs a few times, then it depends on both people's financials situations and usually contribute proportionally.'
    I don't understand why the man should be expected to pay for your meal, if you went out on a date with another girl would you expect her to pay for the entire thing?

    If someone wants to do it, then it should be seen as a treat, not the default expectation.
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    (Original post by sr90)
    If I ever met someone new who expected me to pay for them, especially if it was somewhere expensive, it would just kill any interest I had in them. You earn your own money, pay for yourself like an adult.

    It's not a treat if you expect them to do it, is it?
    Of course it is... that's like saying: 'it's not a birthday present, just because you expect a present on your birthday.'

    I don't actually earn my own money. I am a student and can't really earn whilst studying my course (I know a lot of people do have part time jobs at uni but it's not really possible with my situation) .

    I am potentially going to be the lower earner if I can take the career break for kids like I want...I wouldn't want to be with someone who was say. 'oh we can't go on blah blah holiday because you now can't contribute half' or be given an 'allowance' when I was pregnant like I'm a kid. I want to know a guy is capable of sharing/ enjoys sharing.
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    Nah, he paid the rest + tip (although I'd think the cash was actually used as the tip) using his card. So it was kind of like halving the costs.
    Ah got it now
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    "I had to contribute half the cost of something we enjoyed together, is he a **** because of this?"

    :facepalm:
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    Erm, why are you mentioning kids and pregnancy when you've been one bloody date with him? Seriously!

    Just because he's a man, doesn't mean he should pay. As nice as it is for someone to pay, it shouldn't expected.
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    (Original post by Alexion)
    "I had to contribute half the cost of something we enjoyed together, is he a **** because of this?"

    :facepalm:
    Exactly what i thought
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am potentially going to be the lower earner if I can take the career break for kids like I want...I wouldn't want to be with someone who was say. 'oh we can't go on blah blah holiday because you now can't contribute half' or be given an 'allowance' when I was pregnant like I'm a kid. I want to know a guy is capable of sharing/ enjoys sharing.
    I think thats quite a different situation and would be something you'd seriously discuss before having kids, i wouldnt assume they couldnt share because they wouldnt pay for a meal for you.
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    (Original post by Toshiber)
    I went on a date recently with a girl - only knew her for like a week or so, so it was almost s 'blind date'

    We were going to get food but we arrived too late so we just got a few drinks, and yeah she was kinda insinuating that I pay and I covered like 2/3rd's of the price

    It's not an issue of money - I make close to a full time salary whilst at uni so disposable income isn't an issue - but i like it when the bill is split the first time, shows like a mutual respect instead of a 'yeah you're the man, you pay, I shouldn't have to pay'

    I'd Probs pay for meals and stuff if I knew it was a long term but I'm way too much of a cynic and assume I'm getting played if I have to drop loads of money on the first date, I guess I'm too suspicious haha
    See you sound a bit like my ex who was burnt before...it gets really tiring though someone being suspicious of you/ treating you like you are someone else from their past and I'm not sure I'd have the patience to be treated like that again. It's not an entitlement thing, 'yeah you're the man, you pay' it's a 'I want to know that you're going to be generous if you impregnate me' type thing.
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    At the end you said your general approach is.... maybe this is HIS general approach.

    Never mind who pays for what, think about everything else. Obviously if you reach a period when you two are together where he is literally counting every penny he spends on you and is not looking after you (as you are with him) then fair enough.

    You both went to an expensive restaurant and are both students, should say it all.

    Don't 'expect' anything, just go with the flow and with this guy and any guy you meet in future just assume you are paying your share..so if he ends up paying it's a nice surprise.
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    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    Erm, why are you mentioning kids and pregnancy when you've been one bloody date with him? Seriously!

    Just because he's a man, doesn't mean he should pay. As nice as it is for someone to pay, it shouldn't expected.
    Because that's the ultimate goal for me, finding someone I want to be a family with. There are a lot of guys I could have a lot of fun with for a while, and yes dating should be chill and fun but at the same time if he doesn't have the right long term qualities...it's just wasting both of our time.
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    I think it's a bit naive to assume it wasn't a date just because he didn't offer to pay for you... We're in a place where equality is becoming a thing so if you want someone to pay for things for you, you might want to find a more 'traditional' guy who agrees with your views, as it seems like this takes a big place in the relationship as opposed to how you you both got on emotionally. I tend to take it as a sign of respect when I pay half and half with boyfriend - I'd hate it to seem like I'm too poor and need looking after when we're both students in the same financial position.
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    Why do you expect him to pay for you?
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    (Original post by MaseratiJay)
    At the end you said your general approach is.... maybe this is HIS general approach.

    Never mind who pays for what, think about everything else. Obviously if you reach a period when you two are together where he is literally counting every penny he spends on you and is not looking after you (as you are with him) then fair enough.

    You both went to an expensive restaurant and are both students, should say it all.

    Don't 'expect' anything, just go with the flow and with this guy and any guy you meet in future just assume you are paying your share..so if he ends up paying it's a nice surprise.
    But I don't want to get to that point. I don't want to get emotionally attached to someone if there's already a red warning sign. Emotional investments are risky as is.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what.
    Go for the or what option. It means he's normal and not desperate to buy you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Of course it is... that's like saying: 'it's not a birthday present, just because you expect a present on your birthday.'

    I don't actually earn my own money. I am a student and can't really earn whilst studying my course (I know a lot of people do have part time jobs at uni but it's not really possible with my situation) .

    I am potentially going to be the lower earner if I can take the career break for kids like I want...I wouldn't want to be with someone who was say. 'oh we can't go on blah blah holiday because you now can't contribute half' or be given an 'allowance' when I was pregnant like I'm a kid. I want to know a guy is capable of sharing/ enjoys sharing.
    :facepalm2:

    He isn't your husband, your life is your own responsibility. If you couldn't pay for it, you should have said so to him.

    Also, just because he doesn't have the money to spoil you like a princess on the first date, doesn't mean he isn't generous.
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    :facepalm2:

    He isn't your husband, your life is your own responsibility. If you couldn't pay for it, you should have said so to him.

    Also, just because he doesn't have the money to spoil you like a princess on the first date, doesn't mean he isn't generous.
    I could afford it, I was happy to go there: although I don't earn, I'm good with money.

    So how do I tell if he's generous?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So how do I tell if he's generous?
    As if that is even a primary concern.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I could afford it, I was happy to go there: although I don't earn, I'm good with money.

    So how do I tell if he's generous?
    I assure you, you are the cheapskate for expecting him to pay for everything, perhaps you should be less concerned with how generous men are to you and more concerned with how generous you are to other people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what.
    I'm loving this listing system

    iii) he's normal
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    (Original post by Toshiber)
    If a guy wants to be flamboyant and front the bill then cool but I think a few guys would walk away thinking "hmm..., that was kinda expensive, she does like me right?" instead of "aw yay she was so nice that was cool "

    Maybe it's me that thinks like that lol

    OP you've got me thinking, do a lot of girls think like that when meeting boyfriends as students? I might change my image to be more husband suitable 8-)

    Yeah, I can see that! But that's what i meant by cultural thing, I have a couple of guy friends from my culture who'll suggest doing things and insist on paying because, 'it was my invitation, I pay' is our cultural norm and it makes us feel good doing something nice for someone - and I'm the same really even with my female friends.

    haha - no! Most girls at my uni aren't thinking about husbands, they want high-flying careers and figure kids/husbands will come later. I'm the odd one out in my friendship group...saying that when I told one of them that he didn't pay, her response was, 'run'.
 
 
 
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