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He didn't pay for the first date...is he a cheapskate? What do I infer from this? Watch

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    Just show him your OP. I'm sure he'll end it with you pretty quick and you won't have to worry about it...
    Who's the real cheapskate, the person happy to pay half or the person moaning about having to pay half?
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    I assure you, you are the cheapskate for expecting him to pay for everything, perhaps you should be less concerned with how generous men are to you and more concerned with how generous you are to other people.
    How does: I was surprised he didn't offer to pay for the first date... translate into, I expect him to pay for everything'? If you read my previous posts you would know it's just a first date thing for me.

    There is no need to start name calling me just because you dislike my attitude. I do not need to be more concerned, I know I am generous as I get feedback about my generosity very often. Thanks for your time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I don't want to get to that point. I don't want to get emotionally attached to someone if there's already a red warning sign. Emotional investments are risky as is.
    Geez so a red flag is going halves on a date, not being funny but you sound high maintenance, not only that you looking for a family on first date would be a red warning to me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How does: I was surprised he didn't offer to pay for the first date... translate into, I expect him to pay for everything'? If you read my previous posts you would know it's just a first date thing for me.

    There is no need to start name calling me just because you dislike my attitude. I do not need to be more concerned, I know I am generous as I get feedback about my generosity very often. Thanks for your time.
    Name calling? Grow up.

    All of what you've said, including your title leads me to interpret what you've said as "I expect him to pay for everything".
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    (Original post by Toshiber)
    I think personally if you are so unhappy about having to pay half of the restaurant bill id question whether you're meeting the guy for the right reasons

    It'd be cool for the guy to pay but like you said you're both students, and if it's nothing serious then I dunno why the guy would assume he's paying

    If the guy was loaded then yeah it'd be different circumstances but if I was the guy and saw this student room post I'd be quite unhappy, seeing that having to pay for some of the bill was the major issue, I'd be hoping a girl I met would walk away happy and hopeful to meet again, ya know?

    Not paying is definitely not an indicator of how tight he is, I am extremely reckless with my
    money but I'd still be reluctant to front a bill for somebody I'm not that close to
    I am not unhappy, I am worried. There is a difference! I am really happy to see him again, he is a fantastic person and I enjoy his company immensely. I just have a habit of ignoring red flags and wondered if this was one.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Geez so a red flag is going halves on a date, not being funny but you sound high maintenance, not only that you looking for a family on first date would be a red warning to me.
    I am not, 'looking for a family'. I value my time, I get asked out on a lot of dates, why would I waste both of our time if i'm able to tell it's not able to go anywhere? definitely, I am high maintenance but at the same time I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing: I have high expectations but I also expect a lot from myself in how I treat a guy and what I should bring to the relationship.
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    Name calling?

    lol...
    Yes, you called me a cheapskate.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Guy pay for first date: I like to know he's a generous person/ has that provider instinct.

    Go halfs for the next few dates: The initial dating period can be expensive...I also don't want to feel obligated to keep seeing a guy because I feel guilty that he's shelled out a lot.

    Then pay proportionally: I just think this makes the most financial sense, I don't mean split things proportionally but e.g with an ex who had a lot more money than me, he'd pay for dinner and cinema tickets and I'd pay for snacks. I would hate to actually keep tabs on who has paid for what.
    So are you not a generous person because you expect him to pay? This is just socially constructed; so what if he didn't pay? Are you incapable of providing for yourself?
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    Do you think this guy may be better off without you?😎
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, you called me a cheapskate.
    'Abusive language or insults' I'm doing no such thing, stop being so easily offended.

    You called him a cheapskate, I'm saying you are the cheapskate for expecting him to pay.

    Exhibit A courtesy of MJ1012 -
    (Original post by MJ1012)
    Just show him your OP. I'm sure he'll end it with you pretty quick and you won't have to worry about it...Who's the real cheapskate, the person happy to pay half or the person moaning about having to pay half?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am not, 'looking for a family'. I value my time, I get asked out on a lot of dates, why would I waste both of our time if i'm able to tell it's not able to go anywhere? definitely, I am high maintenance but at the same time I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing: I have high expectations but I also expect a lot from myself in how I treat a guy and what I should bring to the relationship.
    Nah your not high maintenace, you just have unrealistic expectations! Life will teach you 😊
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, you called me a cheapskate.
    "I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what"

    You called your 'boyfriend' a cheapskate though?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am not, 'looking for a family'. I value my time, I get asked out on a lot of dates, why would I waste both of our time if i'm able to tell it's not able to go anywhere? definitely, I am high maintenance but at the same time I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing: I have high expectations but I also expect a lot from myself in how I treat a guy and what I should bring to the relationship.
    We are not mind readers the fact you didn't say to him if he minded paying says it all, as someone further up said, think you got a lot to learn.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm in my early 20's and find this very unusual. The only guy who I've had this before was my last ex and he was so stingy throughout our relationship it really made me feel a bit worthless to him: he had been burnt by a golddigger before however did get better when the relationship hit the six month mark. But... new guy isn't earning a six figure salary/ doesn't have family money so i don't know what his deal is.

    In new guys defence: we did go to an expensive restaurant and we are both students ...however I did say I'd be happy to go somewhere cheap like pizza express. I'm also unsure if it's cultural thing.

    I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what. I guess why it matters is I am quite ready to settle down and I want someone to settle down who will be willing to share financially when I'm pregnant and not able to work etc but also it feels good when you're boyfriend treats you, and I like to treat them back too and it feels a bit one sided if you're the only one doing the treating.

    My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date...from there on go halfs a few times, then it depends on both people's financials situations and usually contribute proportionally.'
    Why should he have to pay fro you on the first date? Just because he is male? It doesn't make sense, there is no reason why he should be required to pay for you. You are just as responsible for paying as he is, so your belief that men should pay is ridiculous!
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    'Abusive language or insults' I'm doing no such thing, stop being so easily offended.

    You called him a cheapskate, I'm saying you are the cheapskate for expecting him to pay.

    Exhibit A courtesy of MJ1012 -
    Hey your words...not hers.

    She asked if he was a cheapskate...she didn't call him that. She also didn't call you anything.

    Also people get offended by different things, what gives you the authority to decide who should be offended by what? People are allowed to have feelings that differ from yours...and different attitudes and opinions.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    We are not mind readers the fact you didn't say to him if he minded paying says it all, as someone further up said, think you got a lot to learn.
    I don't agree...people are supposed to understand societal norms...whether someone agrees with them or not is a different question, and from sounds of it she didn't mind at the time.

    OP stop worrying so much and just enjoy dating him
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    I think you have to let this one go.
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    (Original post by laffytaffy)
    Hey your words...not hers.

    She asked if he was a cheapskate...she didn't call him that. She also didn't call you anything.

    Also people get offended by different things, what gives you the authority to decide who should be offended by what? People are allowed to have feelings that differ from yours...and different attitudes and opinions.
    "I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what." + other things she has stated, leads me to interpret that she thinks he's a cheapskate, in contrast I think she is a cheapskate for expecting him to pay.

    I have the right to criticise what you're offended by, as much as anyone has the right to be offended by someone calling them a cheapskate.

    It's still not name calling by any means, since I didn't intend to insult.

    Calling you an idiot for example, would be name calling.

    (Original post by laffytaffy)
    I don't agree...people are supposed to understand societal norms...whether someone agrees with them or not is a different question, and from sounds of it she didn't mind at the time.OP stop worrying so much and just enjoy dating him

    Who gave you the authority to decide on what a societal norm is?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Guy pay for first date: I like to know he's a generous person/ has that provider instinct.

    Go halfs for the next few dates: The initial dating period can be expensive...I also don't want to feel obligated to keep seeing a guy because I feel guilty that he's shelled out a lot.

    Then pay proportionally: I just think this makes the most financial sense, I don't mean split things proportionally but e.g with an ex who had a lot more money than me, he'd pay for dinner and cinema tickets and I'd pay for snacks. I would hate to actually keep tabs on who has paid for what.
    The initial dating period can be expensive... for men... because women like you expect them to demonstrate their generosity or 'provider instinct'. You then complain about being guilted into seeing them again because they have 'shelled out a lot'. What a moral dilemma.

    Do you even read your own comments? Pay for your own meal unless he offers then there is no guilt. He is not your boyfriend so he is not providing for you or treating you. It is a first date where you are getting to know someone for the first time. This is why loads of people often go for a coffee for their first date or drinks because it is cheaper and you take turns buying them.
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    More like you're the cheap skate, pay for your own food.
 
 
 
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