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A Really Long And Painful Story Watch

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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    First time I met a girl I really like. I really want to start things with her, but I also need to be honest with her. And there's a reason why I have been dishonest to the people I know for a long time.

    When I was young, I was diagnosed with Asperger's, and later depression. This meant I went to a special school when I was 8, solely for children on the autistic spectrum, from mild like myself to high-functioning, and including children who were unable to talk properly or tell numbers from nautiluses. Thus, my friends were only a select few, but this was OK.
    In the early years, I found everyday discussions difficult, and often misread expressions. At the time, this was accepted, because everyone there was. I was under the illusion that what I was doing, and the way I was getting on with people, was normal. But by the age of 14, I was much more mature. I was just like anyone of that age, with some autistic friends. I was integrated back into mainstream school, and I'm now studying at a prestigious university. That happens to about 1 in 100 people in the school. Many of them are now in their 20's and still under this illusion. And my friends from back then are also more mature, but still somewhat quirky.

    The fact is, I've told very few people about my disability. Not even some very close friends know. Most of my friends to this day are not autistic, and I get on generally well with them, them being none the wiser. But there are still clues to my past life, in real life and on social media. And I'm not as willing as the people from before are to reveal it. They'll spread literally anything about me, and this is often beyond my control. I can't tell them to stop, because, with them being of some degree of autism or Asperger's, they simply DON'T UNDERSTAND. Even something simplistic in concept, but at the same time very important to me, can go right over their heads, and as a consequence, when I think an issue is resolved, it comes up as if it was new.

    I'm ashamed of my past life. There are some things I experienced and did which I don't like to even think about, and I know people have thought less of me because of it. I'm done with this, but I feel like I'm fighting an endless battle to keep my dignity. I've had to block several friends and acquaintances on Facebook, remove myself from hundreds of posts and photos, including things from when I was really young. This is why I put off social media for a long time, but eventually, everyone had it, and I wasn't going to miss out. But anything that can go wrong is likely to go wrong, and there are some things I've been unable to keep from people. This makes life very stressful, and it makes me very insecure.

    If I'm getting to know a person really well, I need to tell the truth. I wouldn't lie to someone I love, and I know keeping this from her would hurt. But I'm scared to tell her the truth. I don't know when or how to tell her, and if I do, what she will think of me. And what if she, or a friend, found out some other way? What should I do?
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    The biggest problem here is that you are ashamed of yourself and your disabilities when you have no reason to be ashamed at all. Being Aspergic and depressed is not shameful at all.
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    What is it you're keeping from everyone? Specific stories from your past or the general fact that you have a form of autism? If it's the latter, I think you're putting far too much importance on to it. It's effected your life hugely I'm sure, but I'm certain that most of those around you who know you won't care or treat you any differently. They know you already and obviously like you as you are, telling them this one fact doesn't change who you are. You don't necessarily have to tell them everything about your past either - we all go through crap and do stuff we aren't proud of when were younger, it isn't required that we tell everyone who ever gets close to us about all of those things. They're in the past and for the most part no longer matter.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It is specific stories that I'm ashamed of. If it was just my disability, I'm sure I'd be fine. But these points are all interlinked, and I know that one issue will lead to another, especially given what the people from my school know, and what they will do with this information, and the fact that I can't put a stop to it.
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    I don't think you have anything to be ashamed or afraid of. It isn't your fault that you have Asperger's and if she likes you now then knowing that you have it won't cause her to suddenly dislike you! If she does care, then she's too superficial and you should find someone who won't care if you have Asperger's or not, which is 80% of the rest of the world's population. It's like someone telling you they have a birthmark on their back; if it hasn't affected your opinion of them before without your knowing, then you'll likely carry on being friends with them because you liked them before you knew about its existence anyway! Don't be ashamed, you're obviously doing very well and you needn't be worried about altering people's opinions!
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First time I met a girl I really like. I really want to start things with her, but I also need to be honest with her. And there's a reason why I have been dishonest to the people I know for a long time.

    When I was young, I was diagnosed with Asperger's, and later depression. This meant I went to a special school when I was 8, solely for children on the autistic spectrum, from mild like myself to high-functioning, and including children who were unable to talk properly or tell numbers from nautiluses. Thus, my friends were only a select few, but this was OK.
    In the early years, I found everyday discussions difficult, and often misread expressions. At the time, this was accepted, because everyone there was. I was under the illusion that what I was doing, and the way I was getting on with people, was normal. But by the age of 14, I was much more mature. I was just like anyone of that age, with some autistic friends. I was integrated back into mainstream school, and I'm now studying at a prestigious university. That happens to about 1 in 100 people in the school. Many of them are now in their 20's and still under this illusion. And my friends from back then are also more mature, but still somewhat quirky.

    The fact is, I've told very few people about my disability. Not even some very close friends know. Most of my friends to this day are not autistic, and I get on generally well with them, them being none the wiser. But there are still clues to my past life, in real life and on social media. And I'm not as willing as the people from before are to reveal it. They'll spread literally anything about me, and this is often beyond my control. I can't tell them to stop, because, with them being of some degree of autism or Asperger's, they simply DON'T UNDERSTAND. Even something simplistic in concept, but at the same time very important to me, can go right over their heads, and as a consequence, when I think an issue is resolved, it comes up as if it was new.

    I'm ashamed of my past life. There are some things I experienced and did which I don't like to even think about, and I know people have thought less of me because of it. I'm done with this, but I feel like I'm fighting an endless battle to keep my dignity. I've had to block several friends and acquaintances on Facebook, remove myself from hundreds of posts and photos, including things from when I was really young. This is why I put off social media for a long time, but eventually, everyone had it, and I wasn't going to miss out. But anything that can go wrong is likely to go wrong, and there are some things I've been unable to keep from people. This makes life very stressful, and it makes me very insecure.

    If I'm getting to know a person really well, I need to tell the truth. I wouldn't lie to someone I love, and I know keeping this from her would hurt. But I'm scared to tell her the truth. I don't know when or how to tell her, and if I do, what she will think of me. And what if she, or a friend, found out some other way? What should I do?
    And this is why i will not marry or get into a relationship. I can not imagine a girl to marry an autistic guy.

    I feel your pain very well op.
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    You need to know the power of opening up, it is better to be safe than sorry.
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    (Original post by Blackstarr)
    You need to know the power of opening up, it is better to be safe than sorry.
    It really irritates me how many people bring previous baggage into relationships. I am not your ex so please do not treat me like them because if I have proven I can be trusted and you still shut me out I will resent you for it.
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    When you accept who you are and the things you've done in your past you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and will be able to live a happier life. Just say hell with it it is what it is. I know it's easier said then done....

    Sorry I can't give you better advice try not to be so hard on yourself life's too short.
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    Accept yourself and don't feel ashamed. Although that does not mean you let all your friends know about your past, but when it comes to the person whom you love I think you should let them know. I doubt it would make a difference if she really loves you!. Good Luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And this is why i will not marry or get into a relationship. I can not imagine a girl to marry an autistic guy.

    I feel your pain very well op.

    ...plenty of autistic people get married.

    if you don't want to get into a relationship or ever marry then that is fine. That is completely your choice. But don't hold yourself back in life because you think girls won't like you because you're autistic. It's just silly and unnecessary.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    ...plenty of autistic people get married.

    if you don't want to get into a relationship or ever marry then that is fine. That is completely your choice. But don't hold yourself back in life because you think girls won't like you because you're autistic. It's just silly and unnecessary.
    I'm sorry if i'm going to sound like a ****ing ****.

    Autism is a stigma. My family refuses to understand my autism and like the op, i do not tell people i am autistic . Even when i do tell people i'm autistic they think i'm taking the piss as my behaviour isn't autistic-like

    I would love to be in a relationship but sadly i can't as i can not give grieve to a girl and possibly born autistic children. I will not tolerate it. Autism is the reason why i'm having severe depression and why i'm seen as weak in uni.
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    Tell her
    Why wouldnt you
    You dont lie to her
    Dont be scared
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm sorry if i'm going to sound like a ****ing ****.

    Autism is a stigma. My family refuses to understand my autism and like the op, i do not tell people i am autistic . Even when i do tell people i'm autistic they think i'm taking the piss as my behaviour isn't autistic-like

    I would love to be in a relationship but sadly i can't as i can not give grieve to a girl and possibly born autistic children. I will not tolerate it. Autism is the reason why i'm having severe depression and why i'm seen as weak in uni.
    You can have a relationship, you are choosing not to. Also not every woman wants children, so there is no reason you should see that as a reason to not get in a relationship. Not to mention there is also the possibility of adoption.

    I'm sorry to hear about your family, and I'm sorry to hear you're suffering with depression. But you're not weak or hopeless or destined for loneliness . The absolutely only person standing in your way and preventing you from having a relationship is YOU.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is specific stories that I'm ashamed of. If it was just my disability, I'm sure I'd be fine. But these points are all interlinked, and I know that one issue will lead to another, especially given what the people from my school know, and what they will do with this information, and the fact that I can't put a stop to it.
    Do you really need to tell your close friends and females you date all about these stories though? As long as they aren't things you still currently do (I don't know what it is you did but I'm assuming it's bad) then why does it matter who you once were? If people from your old school are petty and can't let it go that's their problem, keep them out of your life and look forwards. Alternatively, if you're that worried about your friends hearing it from someone else, tell them straight up? Be like "so hey, I did some crazy shizz when I was younger haha..." Then proceed to tell them. No doubt they will have some pretty crazy stories of their own to share of things they did too. Point is not to put so much weight and importance on it, it was in the past, you're different now and it's all good!
 
 
 
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